Monday, April 30, 2018

God Takes Us Through

Life has been more than a little interesting over the past few months. 

It's been busy, that's for sure! Currently my jobs include:

*Be a mom and run a household
*Teach approximately 24 piano students
*Play for the Presbyterians every Sunday morning
*Play the piano in the band that accompanies the community theater's performance of Evita (just two shows left!)
*Accompany random things
*Help run the Primary at church
*Accompany the ward choir
*Run the website for MAMTA (music teachers assoc.)

And somewhere in there I am able to fit in time to read, finish ballet class, date my husband, do all the church things (actually, I'm pretty sure I'm praying 24/7!), and hang out with friends. What I'm NOT finding time to do is potty train the 3 year old. Blerg...

And amidst all of this, we've been met with some ENORMOUS changes in our lives.

Pretty big, dear reader.

The first happened the end of February. Brandon's employment ended with the company he has been working with the past couple of years (long story, but his position was dissolved). Feeling strongly we should stay in Kansas, we ended up starting a new business (bounce house rentals!) and he was hired to teach more classes at K-State. He is also doing consulting and speaking at conferences.

And then, as if life hadn't already dealt us a little bit of uncertainty, this happened:

Yep! We'll be having another baby in December.

I tell you what, friends, these past few months have been wrought with a lot of emotions. Exhaustion has been one of my closest companions, and there have been some days where the only way I've gotten through is to cry through it (usually privately, sometimes not-so-privately).

But, on the other hand, I've been amazed at my optimism and faith! I have genuinely admired my husband's fortitude and perseverance (he works so hard). I've had experiences that have greatly strengthened my resolve that God knows us, hears us, and loves us.

It has also reiterated to me (again and again and again) that life is a journey.

Many years ago, a wonderful woman I admired once told me she could never have six kids like me. I told her that she could do anything God asked her to do! I told her this because first, it's true, and second, I didn't want her to think that I was somehow more capable or more righteous or more whatever just because I had x amount of kids. I think we all sell ourselves short when we decide what we can and cannot do without asking God to get involved, first.

Over the past 10 years, I've been on a journey that has brought me to this place. My experiences have shaped me very deliberately and this is why I am here and can do these hard things before me. God has brought me to these things, and He has taken me through them all. He will always take me through what He asks me to do, if I let Him.

Gospel study + intensive therapy + medication + self-education + increased faith + focusing on my marriage + safe circle of friends + the Atonement of Jesus Christ = The ability to face the challenges ahead of me. And not just face them, but be grateful for them! Conquer them! Endure them! Embrace them.

There's no way I could have faced both the job loss and a pregnancy 3-4 years ago with anything but massive despair and cynicism, let alone facing it with the kind of schedule our family has at the moment. And I don't want to take the credit for this, because even though I've worked hard, I could never have done it on my own. I'm not supposed to be doing it on my own, anyway! I've only been able to do it with Christ. And my family. And friends (such good friends). And probably herbal tea and some Jane Austen.

I don't know what this next year will bring for us. I don't know if these challenges will turn out to be our greatest blessings (I'm pretty sure they will), but I do know it'll be okay because God takes us through the impossible things He asks us to go through. Even when our faith wavers, even when we feel like giving up, even when it seems impossible --I guarantee He will see us through to wherever it is we need to be. We just need to let Him.