Rantings and Ravings, But Not Really

When did Pro-Choice automatically equate abortion? A woman choosing to keep her baby rather than abort it is still exercising "choice."
Duh.
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To the EPA and others who think Utah's inversions are a result of massive pollution because of all those breeding Mormons and their gazillion cars, please read this:

Here's a news story I read recently:
"Smog smearing a wet, gray blanket over the Great Salt Lake Valley will get worse before it gets better — and no telling when it will get better, weather observers predicted Wednesday. … Meanwhile, Wednesday ground traffic was still slow and air movement in and out of the Salt Lake City Airport was at a halt."
Here's another: "Thick, murky, undulating fog socked in the Salt Lake Valley Monday, causing numerous traffic accidents and shutting down air traffic at the Salt Lake Airport all morning. … Several planes hovered over the airport some time before going on to alternate airports."
And here's a third: "Even London hardly boasts of thicker ground clouds than nature has laid over Salt Lake and much of Utah for the past three days."
I said I read them recently. I did not say they were written recently, although they could have been. It's hard to know what the skies will be like Sunday morning, but from where I sit as I write, David Copperfield couldn't have done a better job of making the mountains disappear.
The first quote came from the Deseret News on Nov. 29, 1950. It went on to say several more bad days were expected.
The second one was from Dec. 6, 1965. That year, a prisoner tried to escape under the cloak of bad air. It was a good idea, except that Dr. Brian Moench, president of Utah Physicians for a Healthy Environment, said recently that running outdoors in this type of gunk is the equivalent of smoking a pack of cigarettes. The prisoner was caught fairly quickly, wheezing, no doubt.
The third quote is from Feb. 3, 1931. Later in that same article it said, "The present record for number of days with dense fog is 23, established during the winter of 1876-77."
In case you haven't figured it out, the point is that bad winter air has been a part of Wasatch Front life for a long time. The only thing that changes are the creative ways reporters try to describe it.

*Well, boy howdy! That both makes me sad (do we honestly think we can change this?) and confused (wait, can't we change this? My asthma wants us to change this!) at the same time.
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To the fans of Al Gore:

The Associated Press
The Arctic Ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot, according to a report to the Commerce Department yesterday from [U.S.] Consul [George] Ifft, at Bergen, Norway.
Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard-of temperatures in the Arctic zone. Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes. Soundings to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the Gulf Stream still very warm.
Great masses of ice have been replaced by moraines of earth and stones, the report continued, while at many points well known glaciers have entirely disappeared. Very few seals and no white fish are found in the eastern Arctic, while vast shoals of herring and smelts, which have never before ventured so far north, are being encountered in the old seal fishing grounds. Within a few years it is predicted that due to the ice melt the sea will rise and make most coastal cities uninhabitable.
— The foregoing AP article was published in The Washington Post on Nov. 2, 1922.
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It's been a while since I've done some "controversial" stuff on my blog. Not sure if I'm up for it. But with great bravery (and some trepidation and ready to hit the delete button if necessary), I say...

Discuss.

Happy Birthday, #4 and All That Jazz

My little guy is three years old today! Where did the time go? Wasn't it just yesterday that he looked like this?


Now he looks like this!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUDDY!
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The Provo High School dance team had a clinic last week for kids ages 3-14. They learned a dance routine, played games, and the put on a concert for the parents. The girls had so much fun! I loved that I dropped them off, and three hours later they put on a 10 minute concert. That's my kind of concert! Please ignore #1's super-tight shirt. We kind of mis-judged the size; luckily she had another one on underneath!

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Six Month Old Number Five:

I Wish Spring Was Here RIGHT NOW

Because I love sunshine. And the other day when #3, #4, #5 and I went for a walk in the sunshiny-sunshine, I felt something glorious! I think it was pure happiness, dear reader. I love me the sun. Not blazing, Arizona-type-heat sun, but cool, see-the-tulips-blooming type of sun. And I miss it. I want it.
The grass, too.
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#5 likes pears! Who told me to try pears? I can't remember now. I guess I could look it up...
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Yesterday was crazy. In fact, here is my Facebook status for all you non-Facebook people:

Cheryl...put together some bunk beds all by herself! It took all day, what with the nursing baby, the I-will-never-go-to-the-potty 2 year-old, babysitting the cousin's 13 month-old, teaching piano lessons, having lunch with the hubby, cleaning the house, doing laundry, making brownies, and helping children with homework, chores, and brushing of the teeth, but I'm okay with that. Because I did it!
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Oh, and KSL rocks for buying used goods. In the Bay Area, it is all about Craigslist. In Utah? It's all about KSL, baby.
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Brandon is loved and wanted by companies. Okay, at least two. And for you people patiently waiting to figure out what I was patiently waiting for, we were trying to decide if we should take another job in another state.
For now, we are staying here. The decision was made!
However --
That doesn't mean we'll be here long. Or forever. Because it seems like CA is still calling our names. If we end up going again, I'll be sure to let you know.
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And now, for your viewing pleasure. Have a great weekend, everyone!

The Biggest Loser: Week 5

TaLaisa and Marianne, where are your pictures? Hmm??

Hey, hey! So, I was totally expecting to gain weight this week. Stomach flu is over, but exercise and eating right was still a tad off. But lo and behold, I lost! Woot-woot!

I lost only 1/2 a pound, but I'll take it! My goal for next week is to be out of the 190's. Think I can do it? I do! I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it...


Brandon lost THREE pounds! He is doing awesome.

Okay, now you people:

• Aunt Kathi: My guess is that you are not eating enough. You probably know all this, but if we don't eat a certain calorie amount each day, our body will actually hold onto weight because it thinks we're starving. But you rock at the working out! You'll get it, I'm sure. How did you do this week?
• Judi: Therapy ROCKS. I won't lie to you --I think everyone should have therapy. Even me! But I have a tip for you: Gum. Sugar-free gum. Grab a piece every time you feel like munching, even if you end up chewing gum all day! It helps me a lot.
• Dianne: I blame mine on the "whatever week this is" curse, so you're good! I'm sorry about your grandmother. That's hard. And yes! Cleaning the house is definitely aerobic-related. :)
• Kimberly: 5.2 in two weeks!? That is amazing! How did you do this week?
• evitafjord: Water is so important, so yes! Drink water. I think it helps with almost everything --skin, hair, digestion, etc. Did you lose any weight this week?
• katelisa: It's totally normal to be in a funk. It's totally normal to hate the scale, too! But don't give up --weigh in today and tell me what it is. Even if it's bad news, it's still important to stay accountable. One thing I've learned through all of this is how easy it is to just give up. We get to the point where we feel like we can't do it, or we're failing, and so we just throw our hands up in the air and yell 'it's not worth it!' when in reality, it is worth it. So, don't give up!
• TaLaisa: See my comments to katelisa. And you rock. And did you lose?
• Desi: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
• Julie: I hope you lost an ounce (or more) this week. Did you?
• Cardalls: I love the grey team, too. They are so real and work so hard.

Thoughts on the Show:

1. Wow. I have a new-found respect for stubborn Miggy. Surgery? And still losing 5 pounds!? She is amazing. Amazing.
2. I was so sad that John went home. I wanted the red team to go because of all the drama they've caused. At the same time, however, I know how she felt when she made it out of the 200's. It is such an incredible feeling!
3. My favorite part of the entire show last night was when purple (dang, what's her name?) had all those people running for five minutes. When they did it, and Sunshine was all crying because she did it, and they were all amazed at themselves, I seriously started crying myself. THAT'S what this show is all about! Not the immunity or the drama or the voting --it's about realizing we can take control of our bodies and our lives and accomplish great things.

Thoughts on Weight Loss this week:

1. Follow this mantra: IF IT'S NOT IN THE HOUSE, IT WON'T GO IN MY MOUTH! Seriously, stop buying junk. If you have it in the house, you will eat it. Stop pretending you have self-control. I had to! I can't have it in the house. Because of that, I actually threw out some chocolate truffles the other day (the rest of the bag). Did I waste some money? Probably. But do I feel awesome now? Yes!
2. Chew gum and drink water. If you don't like gum, then suck on a mint. I promise that not only will your thighs thank you, but so will your friends. Because your breath will rock!
3. It's February, the month when all weight-loss resolutions go flying out the window. Don't be a statistic! Keep trying. Keep working. I didn't get any exercise in last week because of the stomach flu, and it's been hard for me to get back into it, but I'm not giving up, and neither should you. In fact, I'm very seriously considering signing up for a 5K this summer. Maybe even a 10K. Maybe.
4. I keep remembering THIS. I have to. Because I remember so clearly how good it felt. I want to feel that way again!

And you?

Patiently Waiting Patiently

I did something I swore I would never do: I have put Pull-Ups on #4. During the day.

I said something I swore I'd never say: Yes, you can have another snack.

I wore something I swore I'd never wear: Sports Bras are more comfortable, anyway.

I ate something I swore I stopped eating: Truffles rock, man.

I am doing something I swore I could never do because I'm not strong enough: I'm waiting patiently. Patiently, patiently, patiently. I'm waiting as if I have never waited before and this new sensation is something akin to poetry (or a miracle?), because I am not a patient person.

Really.

I make decisions. I make them fairly quickly and pretty deliberately. After I have made said decisions, I make a plan. I plan and plan and plan and plan and then! I do the plan. I am a getter-done type of gal. If I were a word, I would be a Verb. I do not like to wait around for the sake of waiting around. I don't like to wait around for the sake of getting a really good answer, either. And this, dear reader, is the problem sometimes. Sometimes we NEED to wait around for a really good answer. Sometimes, the waiting leads us to a really superior answer. Other times the waiting around creates the amazing answer. And even on occasion, the waiting around IS the answer.

So, I am waiting. As patiently as I can. And when I know the answer, dear reader, I will tell you the answer. If there is one to be had, of course.

Baby #5 is So Different and Whining From Yours Truly

I am having a heck-of-a-time with #5. And I'm not sure what to do.

1. He will not take a binky. We gave up trying to give him one months ago. I'm okay with this, though, because binkies are not attached to the body and are easily lost. They also get dirty, fall out of their mouths at night, etc. And since he hasn't started sucking his thumb? We're good to go. For now.
2. He refuses to take a bottle. Absolutely refuses. He won't take it from me, from Brandon, from a babysitter, from his older sister...nobody. Will. Not. Take. One. I'm okay with this one, too. Breast milk is better for him, it's free, and then I can wean him from breast to cup, right? Right?
3. He refuses to eat solid food. This one is hard. He is over 6 months old and hates rice cereal and bananas. He just won't eat it! I've tried different methods, but nothing works. However, with this one, I'm not giving up. He needs to learn how to eat solid food --it's not for the nutrition, it's for the practicality! One day he'll have to eat only solid food, so he needs to learn how to eat it.
4. He won't sleep at night. He wants to co-sleep and he wants to be nursed back to sleep. This one is my fault, I'm afraid. I know he needs to learn how to fall asleep on his own, though. I know it! Just falling asleep on his own at night will probably eliminate the 2AM feeding on it's own.

All of my other children took bottles (we would supplement formula so we could go out on dates), took binkies, and slept through the night pretty quick. They all loved solid food and I had no problem introducing it. None of them co-slept. This is all so new to me!

And I have to admit that the reason most of this has happened is because I'm tired. Exhausted, really. I would rather bring #5 into bed with me and nurse him then let him cry it out for a few days. But there's the rub --experience has taught me that if I give myself 3 days of crying, the rest of our lives will be blissful. #4 had a hard time sleeping at night when he was about 8 months old, and when Brandon and I finally Ferberized the guy, he slept fine! Still does, too...

Anyway, I guess my point is that #5 has thrown me for a loop. I'm not sure where to start. Do I teach him to eat food first? Or sleep first? Do I introduce a sippy cup now or later? When should I give him a dang biter biscuit?

Commence The Whining...

And you know, these things wouldn't be so stressful if the kids weren't sick all the time. We just got over the stomach flu, and now #3, #4, and #5 all have croupy-coughs and yucky noses, etc. and oh, yeah! There's the other thing --I can't teach a sick baby to sleep and eat when he's sick, right? Blah. And then #4 has been on this crazy tantrum-whining thing for 2 weeks now. He cries ALL THE TIME. Constantly. Complaining, whining, and driving me insane. I can't figure out if it's a phase, if it's just because he's been sick, or if there's something else I should be looking for. I try to give him personal attention, but that doesn't seem to be working, either.

Then there's a whole butt-load of other stresses in my life that I can't even talk about right now because it's on a "need-to-know" basis, which is fine and good and makes sense to me, but it's hard not to talk about it on paper. Or computers. Or whatever this is.

And then I'm so annoyed with stupid people and stupid politics. I'm tired of having to defend my choices and my love of God and my desire for more children. Plus I'm tired of making decisions that don't seem to have any right answers.

I'm tired of not being able to fix our house and finding things like apple cores, Gogurt wrappers, and cereal on the basement carpet. I'm so very done with explaining to the children that they need to clean up every once-in-a-while. I'm sick of never having enough time to do everything because somebody always wants something immediately. I'm afraid that my grand desires of finally, finally, finally planting a garden this spring won't happen because I'll be too busy keeping a crawling baby out of the dirt.

But I'm especially, especially annoyed that losing weight is so dang hard.

Gimme somethin' good to think about, dear reader. I need some positive feedback today. And probably for the rest of the week.

Badgley Mischka and Purging (not the stomach flu kind, thank goodness!)

Attention to anyone getting married this spring or summer or who wants to get married this spring or summer or knows someone who will be getting married this spring or summer:
Badgley Mischka is having a trunk show at Avenia Bridal on March 12th and 13th! Click here to make an appointment. And just FYI --Avenia is the only bridal boutique in the entire state of Utah who carries Badgley Mischka gowns. Cool, eh? Depending on people's appointment times, I may also be there to take photos. Even more cool!
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Stomach flu is over!

And the peasants rejoiced.
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January is a hard month. February would be harder if it wasn't for three birthdays (#4, #2, and moi) and Valentine's Day. I just can't stand winter for some reason. It's not that I hate snow or storms or cold...okay, maybe I do. I love to see winter landscapes, and I love storms and the time just after the storms, and I love snow on Christmas and such but...I just get sick of it so fast. So very, very fast. I also hate hot, hot heat (as opposed to the cold heat). Hot heat (like over 90 degrees) is awful. Luckily, hot heat around here lasts less than 2 months. The snow and cold, however? More like 4 months.
Blah.

To combat the winter blahs, though, I've decided I need to focus inward and kind of positive-like. So, I've decided to do something just crazy! I'm going to actually feed my inner need to purge and organize and clean (ooh, living room curtains are already done!). I have to. I want to. I need to! But how to start? Where to start?
I'll think about it and get back to you.

Meanwhile, give me your secrets to purging and/or cleaning and/or organizing. What tricks/tips have worked for you? This could be anything from laundry to toys to bathrooms to backyard insanity.
Muchos thank-you!

The Biggest Loser: Week 4

I'm sorry that I'm posting this late, guys. Stomach flu is no fun --the kids are all better now, but we've hit round two, and it seems that I'm the only one fighting this round. Fun, fun!

Anyway, I still weighed-in last night. So, here we go!
Mine:

I lost 3.2 pounds. When I weighed myself Monday night, I had actually weighed 189. However, I was glad to see it go up because it meant the food I ate was stickin' to me!

Brandon's:

He lost .6 pounds.

TaLaisa's:
My big computer with the photo loading software is playing up. (I'm on the laptop) But I did weigh in last night 189.5 (so up 1.5). I'll email you a picture later when my computer cooperates. As far as the gain I wish I could say I was 'throwing' the weigh in but honestly I was an exercise slacker last week. I didn't think it would make much difference. Wrong. So lesson learned. Exercise is a must. I'm working on writing down everything I eat this week, water, water, water, water and obviously exercise.

Marianne's:

I have two things to say...
1. I REALLY need a pedicure.
2. Blast! I gained .8 Too much good food and not enough willpower. Time to buckle down and make this week count.
Oh and one more thing...
Melissa from the Biggest Loser is certifiably insane. She makes me crazy! I think it's time for her to go!
{Yes, she should, Marianne. Yes, she should!}

Okay, now last week, I didn't put everybody's numbers out here for the world to see, right? I left it up to you to report. Well, gosh dang it, people! You didn't report! Only 10 out of the 20 or so reported (my numbers may be inaccurate due to my lack of desire to take the time to count)! So, I'm calling you out this time. BY NAME (dun, dun, dun):

• Amanda D: You lost 1 pound, which puts you at 178.8. Did you ignore the Lucky Charms this week?
• evitafjord: Back to 200.8, eh? Bloating stinks. I hear ya'! I never thought about that, but that really could be a reason women on TBL don't do as well. That makes sense! Or the constant working out makes it stop completely. Strangely, I'm interested in finding out this theory.
• Dianne: 3 pounds down! That is fantastic! How did you do this week? Are you still writing everything down?
• Jill: This is the place for dumping, girl, so dump away! How did the running go this week?
• madhousewife: Congratulations on playing so much DDR! What about this last week, hmmm?
• Judi: You gained 2.4 pounds but DON'T GIVE UP!
• Becky and all those cats: You lost 3 pounds to get you at 156. Hooray! Are you still going to the gym? You are so on top of this. I love it!
• Kimberly: I have you at 167.4 from 2 weeks ago. How did you do this week?
• Aunt Kathi: How goes the awesome training with the football star? Have you lost 30 pounds this week?? You just rock at this, and so I'm sure you could if you had to, eh? ;)
• Julie P.: Water? Water? Did you drink the water?
• Tiffany: Congrats and good luck with the IVF! You were down .5 two weeks ago --how did you do this week?
• Julie: Do your pants fit loosely, yet?
• Heather: Where are you? Are you doing it? You were ahead of all of us if I remember correctly!
• Heather and Ethan: Where are you two!? Brandon would love to have another man doing this Ethan, I know it!
• Alison: I didn't get my four this week. But I got it last week! I totally did Pilates (lame, no cardio, shouldn't count, but I'm gonna!) on Saturday night. You inspired me. Are you getting your four? Huh? Are you? Are you?
• katelisa: You were 191.6. Have you lost any in the last 3 weeks?
• Desi: You don't have to post your actual weight if you don't want to! You could just report how much you lose (like .4 or 4.8!).
• Cardalls: I love that you still comment and watch the show. ;)
  

Thoughts on the Show:
Drama, drama, drama! Come on, people! Haven't you seen this show before? Nobody likes the drama game-players, and nobody likes the bitter victims. Green team and Red team? You need some serious help (although I think Green team needs it more in a compassionate way, because they seriously need some heavy-duty therapy. "Don't cry"?? What? So sad. So, so, so sad. Red team is just...I don't know. She almost had me convinced!).

Thoughts on Weight-loss:
1. A lot of you have gained weight this last week. And I'm here to say: IT'S OKAY. Don't freak out about it! Because if you do, you will give up. Don't give up! Each body has to adjust to weight loss, and each body does it differently. Now, if you ate out a lot and didn't exercise? (Judi, I love ya'!) Then, yeah...ummm... yeah. But that's still okay! Just keep trying...keep going...don't stop and whatever you do, don't give up!
2. Getting the stomach flu is NOT the way to lose weight. I'm just sayin'.

Your turn!

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.

~Helen Keller

Another Random Monday...

Good news: I've lost 6 pounds!

Bad news: I lost it because I've had the stomach flu for two days.

Not a good way to lose weight. I don't recommend it. AT ALL.
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I'm feeling a need to purge my home. Clean it. Organize it. Go through everything and throw out the junk. The other day, on a whim, I took down my front-room curtains and washed them, as well as dusted the blinds.
What crazy thing will I do next?
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I've decided that making decisions is hard. Really hard. Even simple things like "what should we have for dinner?" to more complex ones like "should we move to Japan?"
Just kidding about the Japan thing.
But really, life is tough. It's even more tough when you suddenly are married, and decisions you make take two to agree. Then, almost immediately, you have all these kids who depend solely upon you and your spouse to make decisions for them. It's pressure!
And exhausting, you know?
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I love lilacs. The scent, the look, the memory. Just so you know.
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So, I'm turning 31 next month. I haven't had a chance to really think about it...my impending 30th last year was awesome! Celebrations galore! This one? Eh. It's just another birthday. Weird how it changes like that.
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I saw this on Julie P's blog and I'm putting here because I think it looks fabulous! My dear friend Jessica C. lived among the Himba in Namibia for 3 weeks this last summer, so it was fun to see them featured. But what I loved the most about this trailer is the universal truth that despite the different cultural backgrounds, babies are the same. And when they are loved, it is movingly apparent:

Thoughts of the Bi-Week

One of my callings is to edit our bi-weekly Neighborhood Newsletter. And by "neighborhood" I mean "ward." And by "ward" I mean "a four-block radius."
Ah, the joys of living in Provo!

Anywhosers, I thought I would share with you a couple of "Thoughts of the Week" I've written over the last 18 months or so. Okay, so I'll share like 2. The first one means a lot to me (although it's not necessarily that good) because a lady in our ward approached me last Sunday and said:
Cheryl, thank you for your Thought in the newsletter this week.
Me: Oh, you're welcome!
Lady: I have to tell you what happened. My daughter called me and was in the throes of Depression. She was having such a hard time, and I told her, 'Just a second, I have something to read to you.' I had just received the newsletter that morning. I read her your thought and she said, 'Oh, mom, that is it exactly! Please thank her for me.'

I was just so grateful that the time I put into something so small and seemingly insignificant (wait, where is that phrase from?) would yield something really awesome.

The last one will be familiar because I drafted it from my blog post. Funny how it still applies to my current situation. And probably will for my entire lifetime...

January 7, 2010:
It happens to me every winter: I forget what it is like to walk on the grass in my bare feet. My body recoils at the bitter cold and I content myself with a life indoors. Spring is far away, summer is a myth; only the memories of autumn linger in my mind. Come springtime, the memories of warmth will take hold and before summer arrives I will already be planning a hike, a picnic, an early morning walk. The irony is how repetitive the cycle tends to be. Over and over again I forget summer, only then to forget winter and cold during the hot August air.

This is not quite unlike the ease in which I forget how God takes care of me and my family. In the winters of my pain and struggles, I fail to grasp the reality of my summers. I only remember the autumnal paths that led me to my cold despair. But as with the renewal of the Earth, Spring will come! God has never left me to my own destruction; He is always there, waiting for me to realize the crystallizing beauty of my winter will melt and give way. The corner will be turned and I will once again dance in the grass of summertime.

Unfortunately, though, I will forget that even as my joyful summers still come, the harsh winters must also come. For truly, there shall be an opposition in all things; a time to learn and to grow, a time for peace. Without my winters of pain and struggle, I honestly could not appreciate my summers of joy!

“...As one writer expressed, ‘in the depth of winter, [we find] within [us] an invincible summer.’”
~President Deiter F. Uchtdorf quoting Albert Camus

~The Editor

October 15th, 2009:
Time marches on, and with it takes the best and the worst and the in-between times. For me, my life has fulfilled it’s self-longing prophecy of illuminating the moment. But for the most part, my identity of motherhood and wifehood has taken over the biggest parts of me. I find myself with needs unmet, but not quite unlearned. I have many responsibilities, but amongst them is much ambition to socialize, and a need for voracious reading. I have grand desires for gardens, novels, and flawless chore charts. I fiddle with my music and prose; but really pray for sleep. I do not resent napless days, but I do dream of flawless moments. I muddle and mull...I keep it together. My expectations are simple, and yet I still have no time. I search for it daily --looking under piles of cereal, wet sheets, hurried day-dreams, and ouchies. I stare at my older face, and surprise myself by not recoiling when I find 6 long gray hairs on the top of my head.

I wonder when I grew older. I think of when I was 14 years old; so young, so clueless --wishing my youth away, wondering when I would accomplish all I wanted to accomplish. Worrying over clothes and boys and mascara; not realizing that in 16 years, I would still worry about clothes, my boys, and mascara. When did time add bills, cars, books, blog design, money, intimacy, the salvation of children? Staring at young eyes with older skin, I feel the same. I have not changed --desires for accomplishment, organization, validation, love, hope, laughter, joy --I am the same. I am Fourteen-Forever. Only experience has changed my views; my accomplishments are less, my organization is refined, my validation is deeper, my lovehopelaughterjoy is found in smaller places. Moments are captured and held longer, and there is no frustration at compassion. I weep more. I think longer. I capture momentum, and push it longer than exhaustion. My days are long; my nights are short. I carry on, for stopping creates more. More of more. When I wake, I see the trees, the sun, the shortness of night. I wonder, I ponder --I stroke the dreams lingering from the impossible until the whimpering waking reflex takes over; I begin again. With faith. With need. With hope. With joy. Again. And again.
And again…

~The Editor
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If you are LDS, what is your current calling? If you are not LDS, do you volunteer at your church? Or do volunteer service in the community? What do you do?

Pictures from December and January, Going Backwards!

#1 and #2 working on #1's science project for the science fair. Any guesses on what she's doing?

We got glasses! Mine are for reading, though.

Our trip to San Francisco:

Snow, snow, beautiful snow...

Christmas Day in Idaho:

Christmas Morning in Provo:

Christmas Eve:

AI: Chicago

Comment:

I like Shania Twain. Not all of her music (some of her stuff just sounds like she sings the same song over and over and over), but her personality. And her innocence. And for the record, I knew what she was referring to when she said "I like your bottom end." Randy and Simon just have dirty minds.

What did you like/dis-like about last night's show? I'm filled up with The Biggest Loser, so I'm not really remembering much about it. Sad, eh?

OH! Just remembered something: I thought the girl fainted, too!

The Biggest Loser: Week 3

The pictures didn't turn out as well this week (my bad!), but here is mine:

It says 195.4, which means I lost .9 pounds. Almost one!

Brandon:

His says 228.5. WOOT! He lost 1.5 pounds!

Here is TaLaisa's:

She lost 3 whole pounds! Holy cow! Here's what she had to say:

There are no words.
Okay maybe just a few. This is the result of running 30 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes of bikram yoga in the evening, 5 days a week. I'm literally sweating my guts out. And. Loving it.

Here is Marianne from last week:

This is what she said last week about her weight loss:

I'm happy with the results, although I'm dreading the "Week 2 Curse "! :o) Here's hoping for another loss this week.

My thoughts on the show:

*What's her face (red shirt) totally threw the weigh-in AGAIN! I couldn't believe it. Why would you do that? Why? The whole point is to lose and learn and get healthy, so what if you can "gain" or "not do as well" and still stay in the game? Total FAIL.

*Migdalia has a lot of baggage and emotional stuff to work through. I was impressed with both Bob and Jillian's ways of working with her and her mom to try and convince Migdalia to stay. I'm more of a Jillian person, though --if your head is messed up, then you can't expect to fix your body. My favorite part, though? Migdalia's mom telling her to figure out why she isn't happy. Good mom!

*Yay for the Italian mom swimming! (see how I can't remember names?)

My thoughts on weight-loss this week:

*Brandon started going back to Weight Watchers! Yay!

*Tips on how to eat:

1. Write everything down. Everything. That chocolate chip? Write it down. That taste of m&c you made for the kids? Write it down.

2. Plan ahead. For example, today I wrote down what I had for breakfast, and then I wrote down two snacks and my lunch --even though I haven't had them, yet. Then I wrote down "ice-cream" at the bottom of the page. Now I have to stay within my plan so I can get the ice-cream!

3. Do what WW teaches: Eat 5 servings fruits or veggies, whole-wheat and whole-grain (only!), 2 servings of dairy, 6-8 glasses of water, 2 tsp oil (I like olive), a multi-vitamin, 2 servings of lean protein (this could be beans or lean meat), and limit your sugar intake. Wanna know what I had for breakfast today? I ate one package of instant oatmeal (the weight management kind from Quaker) made with water, one banana (cut up in the oatmeal), and yogurt (it was the Western Family Light brand --only 1 point and no aspartame!). It was super filling, too!

4. Go for food that will tide you over. Grapes, popcorn, loads of veggies, whole-wheat grains.

5. Keep your cheese intake to a minimum. Cheese is okay, but not a lot. In fact, cheese is what has always killed me! It's one of my weaknesses. Now, I'm talking about yellow cheeses --cottage, mozzarella, feta, etc. are much better for you.

*I need to vamp up the exercising. Last night I did Pilates the entire time I watched The Biggest Loser (for at least 30-45 minutes...during a 2 hour show. Okay, okay, so it wasn't the ENTIRE time, but still!). Today I plan on doing some hard-core cardio...

Okay, now for you guys! Let me have it. How did you do? How much did you lose? What did you do to lose it? Any tips for the rest of us?

[And yes, I'm fully aware that I'm not putting your names out here and what you did or did not do, but so many of you have signed up for this and frankly, I don't have time to do it anymore (put your names in the post). Oh, and welcome to Dianne! I'm glad you decided to do this. Oh, and Becky, the pound for pound challenge has been weighing on my mind all week. I should do it, eh? And Julie P., you better have drank a lot of water this week! ;) ]

Love you guys!

Owning My Choice

I looked over at Brandon and said, I think I know what your mom and my mom meant.

Brandon: What?

Me: Your mom and my mom. They both told me that they thought it might be a little too soon to be having another baby at this point; it might be too overwhelming.

Brandon: Yeah?

Me: And I think I know what they meant now. I don't doubt he was supposed to be born; I know we were supposed to have him, but I am feeling overwhelmed. I get it now.

The delicate balance I've been towing thus far in my motherhood existence is starting to strain, dear reader. I'm finding myself overwhelmed beyond what I thought I was capable of doing before. Simple tasks (like laundry? Dishes? Grocery shopping? Making a phone call?) are now interrupted with six separate human beings (and one feline) demanding my attention. Each human has specific needs (the husband needs clothes laundered; the 6 year-old needs to read to me; the 2 year-old has a stinky diaper; the baby needs to nurse), and each one needs/wants my attention immediately.

But! In order to combat the stress of this, I have to throw in some of my own "me" needs to be met. Things like book club, lunch dates, online-time, etc.

But! I have outside responsibilities. Such as piano lessons, my callings, my job (Avenia Bridal). To name a few.

See, I've already given up a bunch of stuff to try and stop the stress from eating me alive. I've already cut back on the stuff I like, too. I even sigh and move on when the house isn't as clean as I would like, and I will even slack a bit when it comes to my job(s). But it's not working, you know. Not really.

And then something else is starting to bug me: Where is the line when it comes to my relationship with my children? Should I focus more on their independence? Their need to learn how to clean/cook/do homework/be successful/one-day-move-away-from-home-and-not-need-mommy-to-take-care-of-them? Or should I be working on my personal relationship with each one? Should I be worried more about their ability to trust me? To come to me for help? And even worse: How can I do both? Teach independence, righteous living, and create an environment where they feel loved, trusted, and give back love and trust in return?

I had a fabulous talk today with my visiting teaching companion. She is at the opposite end of my life (well, the middle end, I guess). Her oldest is 20 and her youngest is 10. She lived my life, and so I love to hear about her experiences. She told me that with her kids, she erred on the side of leniency in order to build and establish a close relationship. She admitted that she's not sure whether or not that was the right way to go, but so far, it's working out okay. One of her kids is having a really tough time, but it's obvious that he loves his mom --to me, it's obvious, anyway.

I guess I'm not sure what I'm even trying to say, but my kids have been on my mind so much lately. Having #5 has shown me that making this choice to have a big(ger) family is something that I have to own. I can't pretend it's easy, and I can't pretend it will get easier (especially since we want a sixth!), but I do know having these kids was the right choice for me (and, I daresay, their father). It's a challenge I signed up for willingly, so I'm okay with trying to figure it all out. Even if I make a million mistakes.

Hey, I've already made at least 1/2 a million, so I've got plenty more to make!