Next Chapters and Stuff

Well, we've been here for about a month.

We've had two tornado warnings (the sirens went off 2-3 times Sunday night and once, yesterday) and a lot of hail. I was a basket-case during the siren, yesterday, because the boys were still at school. Everyone was just peachy-fine, of course, and I've been told I'll get used to the sirens and the warnings and that like lightening, you never know where the tornado will go, but it's easy to prepare for the worst. In fact, my friend told me that it's a lot easier to prepare for a tornado because 1. they see them in advance and 2. you can get to your shelter and most likely be just fine. Earthquakes and tsunamis and such give no warning --it happens and people only know it's going to happen for a couple of seconds. There's no way to prepare for something like that...

So, my house is almost unpacked! Huzzah! I only have to finish the library (so close), unpack the basement food storage, and the garage. And buy some furniture and hang up all the pictures. "But Cheryl," you ask, "don't you know it's ridiculous to focus so much on unpacking when there is so much living to do? Why do you want to make others feel badly that they took 2 years to move into their houses by doing it within 2 months?" Well, those are excellent questions, dear reader! The answers are: "Who says unpacking isn't living?!" and "If they feel badly, then that has nothing to do with me!" The end.

Depression and Anxiety update:
Well, I'm still on my meds, but I knew the change would be hard and it's HARD. I adore my house, I love my family, the ward is so nice, our neighbors are the best, things are cheaper, the parks are fun, we got library cards, we've already been to the temple (and Costco! We loaded up for two months), and again, I love my house. But I'm struggling because of change. I'm going through big changes (and no, not "the change")! The obvious one is moving. The not-so-obvious ones include:
1. Brandon being home all the time. I love it, but like any military family or other business-traveling family will tell you, re-entry is difficult. We're navigating our way to a new normal (a better normal!), and so there are bumps along the way.
2. New everything: new schools, orthodontist, dentist, doctors, grocery store, ward, laws, systems, culture, etc.
3. Toddler stage with a toddler that doesn't want to wean or sleep through the night and I'm not ready to give up nursing, either. And she is smart. Which translates into getting into everything.
4. Hormones (see below under TMI)
5. Making new friends is hard work as a mother. I'm busy with my family and so I don't have time to just go hang out with people very much. Plus, I have baggage and they have baggage and we all have our baggage --and our baggage looks differently, like some have baggage with a really cool vintage floral print, and others have classy briefcases with locks, and I have a bag-lady beach bag with holes in it, but hey! Our baggage is our baggage and as long as we all admire and enjoy and tolerate each other's baggage, it's all good. It's just getting used to it...
6. I can't remember names and faces, anymore. Is it because my memory is full of the previous places I've lived? Is it my age? Apathy? All three?
7. I'm having anxiety because I can't seem to find a psychiatrist for myself. And I need one soon.
8. I'm not being a very nice mom, lately. This is the part about myself I have the hardest time forgiving --I don't like being a nasty, selfish mom. The guilt makes me more nasty. It's a vicious cycle that I KNOW how to break --it's just remembering to do it.

One good thing: my particular wit (and humor) is coming back. Sort of. This may mean I will have the desire to write more... Maybe even poetry, again...

TMI: Aunt Flo has returned after a blissful year of non-periods-due-to-nursing, even though I'm still nursing most of the time. What, period, you think you should get to come back because it's been a year, already?! Speaking of which --has anyone used THINX? What do you think of this THINX? Because I'm very, very, very tempted to buy them and rid myself of pads forever and ever, amen. The idea is so intriguing and genius because:
1. Convenience (sure, I'll have to change my underwear a few times a day, but with pads, it's like, a 284 times a day! Changing the pad, I mean. Not my underwear. You get it.)
2. Overall cost (sure it's expensive to buy a week's worth of undies, but you only pay for them once. And if you take good care of them, they will last for years! Years and years! In fact, I did the math, and I'm totally kidding because like I ever do math...)
3. Environmentally conscious --I already wash clothing; it's not like using some more water is going to impact the Earth as much as my current period-waste that sits in a landfill...
4. More TMI (seriously, look away): I can't wear tampons anymore, so things like the diva cup don't work for me, either.
5. They are helping women in Africa!! Go here.

I need to figure out a time to do something for myself, by myself, every day. Besides time spent in the bathroom (which is never really by myself, isn't that so normal and sad?). And besides writing or reading. I want to walk again. But I need: a time to do it that will not hinder my family nor put my children in danger AND a walking buddy. Why the walking buddy? Because I do better when I have someone to talk to. "But Cheryl," you ask, "wouldn't that defeat the purpose of being alone?" And I would say, "Oh, yeah... Well, whatever."

The kids get out of school before Memorial Day! Huzzah!! I'm ready for looser schedules. No, not loser schedules, looser --more loose. (Although sometimes my summer school schedules end up being loser-y. Ha!) Time to explore! Do more chores! Mess up the house more! Fight with siblings more...! and... Well... I'm still excited.

The piano is in our living room. Our living room is in the center of the house and conveniently located near the kitchen and dining room and stairs. Because it is on the main level where I spend most of my time, and because it's in a big open room where I can see and hear where the kids are most of the time, I am finding that I am playing and singing more. The acoustics are fantastic thanks to wood floors and nothing on the walls at the moment! I remember a time when the bulk of my day was spent on the piano. I kind of miss it.

Goals for myself for this next little while:
1. Unpack the house and find glorious furniture that will compliment my tastes and desires for the living room (that fluctuate wildly between gorgeous Victorian/Edwardian and super cheap).
2. Walk outside
3. Go to the library with the kids
4. Explore more of the city
5. Take a nap. A long one. A very long, beautiful nap. Preceded by a bath. A long one. A very long, beautiful bath.

Quotage for your day: