I slapped Depression right in the face.
It took a 30 minute shower (where I prayed for at least 25 of those minutes), writing back and forth with several friends on FB (love them), allowing my daughter to make dinner (while I played angry birds on the iPad --yes, I know, move along), having FHE (on giving), and shushing any guilt about not doing anything productive yesterday. It also took a pre-planned well-child doctor's appointment for baby (he's 9 months old!) where the pediatrician completely validated all of my mothering choices thus far, a trip to Costco with my two little boys (to get some donuts and some toothpaste), and a visit to my cousin to see her new baby boy (one week old. I love babies!).
I also cleaned the living room and wore mascara, talked to my bestie on the phone and schnuggled my baby.
This is what it takes. Plus taking my medication on time (which I've been doing faithfully for months). I was afraid of yesterday's episode. But I stopped it. I used techniques I learned in therapy, and I did all that other stuff. I dropped-kicked depression right out of here, and today, I feel calm. Not happy, necessarily, but calm. My thoughts and feelings are my own again, and that's huge.
So, take that, you rotten mental disease! I won't let you own me!
P.S. I told you it would pass, dear reader. In the moment, it felt as if it would last forever --that hopelessness and despair would never leave. That's the cancer of depression. It feeds off of itself and feels like it will never change, that I will never be happy again. But every time I win, every time I am happy again, I plant the seed of remembrance into my brain --and I know it will pass. The pain will pass. And it did. Again.