Well, Thanksgiving is over. Christmas decorations should be up, but for the first time in my lifetime, they are not! Reason 1: We are planning on getting a new tree this week. Reason 2: My Christmas gift this year really affects the decorating process, and it's not here, yet. My hope is that the house will be decorated by this weekend, though. I love Christmas!
I was the recipient of much knowledge this last week. I feel like I'm finally coming into my own skin, and the result has been positive, even if the lessons learned came through less than pleasant situations. What I've learned:
*Happiness does not come from perfection in this life. Especially if the perceived perfection comes at the expense of feelings and relationships. Because that's all this perfection can be --perceived.
*I am crazy (yes, this is true), I am hypocritical in my parenting and my relationship with my husband (seriously, the man deserves a medal for how much he forgives and forgets), and I lack organization and motivation. And I keep being asked to have more children by the Divine. For the longest time, I questioned this --why me? Why in the world should babies be coming to me, to our home, to such chaos? But, it's okay. I have learned and I have decided I need to embrace the chaos, as long as it is founded in kindness. How am I speaking to others? How am I speaking to my children? What do they hear? How does my tone affect them? How do my words hurt them? Can I actually say yes, when I think I need to say no? It may be loud in my home, it may be cluttered, but that doesn't mean it can't be peaceful. It doesn't mean we can't have kindness. Kind chaos. I think that will be my new goal: Kind chaos.
*I will never stop trying to attain a clean home, the best chore charts, nor the best laundry system, but I will stop dictating that my happiness is dependent upon them. My VT shared this sentence with me yesterday: "My happiness doesn't have to come from having a clean house." Or something like that (I'm totally misquoting her). What impressed me the most was the fact that she is the mother of two, and she gets it! It's taken me so much longer... Oh! And at the same time, I will no longer dictate that my happiness can only be founded upon the right body size or veggie-laden meal. I will keep trying to be healthy (or find the motivation to become so), but it won't be the reason I am happy.
*Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to hang out with a person. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to even think about a person, let alone interact with them. It simply means you let it go... give the worry and anxiety away... let the pain wash over you... let go. Give it to Christ, since He is the one who paid the price for the pain, the offense, the sin, the anger. Give it to Him and let it go. I'm still working on this, but I think I'm getting better. In fact, in the name of forgiveness, I've chosen to stop reading blogs and I've unsubscribed from several people on Facebook. That may sound silly or juvenile, but it has actually given me freedom from my own worry. Instead of worying about what someone might think, or worrying about a possible altercation, I'm free to think good about certain people --I'm free to assume the best and still maintain contact. And that, dear reader, is the epitome of forgiveness --freedom. (At least I'm guessing it is...)
*Heavenly Father will answer our prayers. And sometimes, He answers them exactly how we need them. And want them. I've assumed for so long that either my faith wasn't good enough, or my desires weren't righteous enough because my prayers weren't always answered in the way I though they should be. But a recent experience taught me that instead of assuming this, I should just ask. Just find the faith necessary to ask. So, I did. And the outcome was exactly what I had asked for. It wasn't anything earth-shattering, nor was it profound to anyone but me, but it was exactly what I needed. It was faith-affirming. Truly, it was love.
*My husband has my back. A private conversation resulted in me falling in love with him all over again. I had behaved in a horrid manner, but he supported my position, even if he didn't agree with my reaction. What a comfort to know your spouse loves you enough to fight for you, to build you up, to renew your confidence in yourself. I'm very blessed!
And that's it. I hope I remember this stuff --I'm prone to forget it all, what with being mortal, but that's another reason I wrote it down. I'm letting myself be led to a good place. Probably the place I need to be, eh?
So, yeah. It was a good Thanksgiving weekend. How was yours?