I'm having a really rough Monday today. I know it's because of exhaustion --honestly that's the only reason. Well, sort of. It was a tough weekend physically for me. I didn't get much sleep, and Brandon and I had several responsibilities outside of our family that had to be attended to. We are also on a deadline to get the house re-organized and moved around (before this kid comes), and my gorgeous husband celebrated his 35th birthday yesterday. [Happy Birthday, Brandon!]
I crashed this morning after the older kids left for school. I still have so many things to do before we leave for my parents house on Wednesday, and when I finally awoke from my half-sleep on the couch at 11:15AM (yes, I know, that's sad, considering I still have two little boys to watch and my older kids leave at 8:15AM, and yes, they've been watching PBS for 7 straight hours) I commenced to bawl my eyes out for 2 hours while I cleaned up and got the laundry gathered. Continually. Bawling.
Reasons for bawling my eyes out:
1. Pure physical exhaustion
2. My asthma is getting worse rather than better --this pregnancy is killing me
3. My children will never learn how to clean up after themselves. Never.
4. I worked so hard all weekend long only to be met with equally challenging household chores this morning.
5. My personal relationships are falling apart left and right. And front and back.
6. Yesterday, a couple came into my Sunday school class after Sacrament Mtng (before the class started) and when they saw me prepping for the lesson, they got up, walked out, and went to the other teacher's class. I know it's probably just because they wanted the other teacher (my nexty, Liz, comes only to my class, so I get it), but still. Kinda stung.
7. I'm the only one in the family who cares about the condition of the house. It feels. Wait --scratch that --that kids WANT a clean house, but don't want to CLEAN it.
8. This pregnancy wasn't supposed to be this hard!
9. I don't know how I can possibly accomplish the bare minimum of what I'm supposed to do, let alone everything my family --and I --expect me to do.
10. Our car has to be serviced before we can leave Wednesday. We have a leak in a tire somewhere.
11. Everyone keeps asking me how close I am to delivering and if I'm "sure it isn't twins?" No, okay?! I have THREE MONTHS LEFT. Yes, I'm fat. Yes, I'm big. Yes, I have big babies. Do I look tired!? Of COURSE I look tired --I'm EXHAUSTED! And these bags under my eyes?! They are PERMANENT. Okay?! So unless you are willing to come do my laundry or take my boys so I can nap for more than 10 minutes uninterrupted, please just LEAVE ME ALONE.
And that's just a taste, dear reader.
I don't mean to complain. I mean, honestly, I know, I know, I know! I'm blessed beyond reason to have a husband and children --and not just to have them, but to have a husband who adores me and children who are awesome! I know this. But it doesn't change the fact that I have bad days, I'm physically checked-out, and I'm a paranoid mess that having six children will kill my sanity, my body, and my resolve. I try not to complain about it much (especially on FB) because I know I'm blessed. I'm lucky. I'm just so happy-pappy! But...well, whatever. If I have to explain again that I'm MORTAL, than I guess it's not worth it.
Dishes are done. Laundry is started. I just have sweeping, vacuuming, furniture moving, laundry folding, dinner planning, homework/piano practice supervising, and FHE planning to do. In the next four hours. But first, I'm going to publish another post about my wonderful husband. Because he deserves happy thoughts from his brown-eyed girl. So, that's next.
Over and out.