It felt bittersweet going through those tiny dresses, jackets, shirts. I remember, very specifically, about 95% of those clothes. Each dress I unfolded reminded me of #1 or #2 as a baby, a toddler, a preschooler. As I gently folded each one again, I was reminded that I wasn't going to have another girl in this life. I know I keep saying that Brandon and I aren't sure whether or not we are finished having children, but the more I say "we're done," the better I feel. I'll reserve that conclusion for 10 years from now when it's obvious we're finished, especially since this pregnancy has me convinced I'll never do it again (see my ranting post from yesterday --no, not the birthday one!). I need to wait until I'm on the other side before really deciding. But still...this feels right. And it feels good to be giving away something I no longer need. Will I feel the same way when the high chair goes? The crib? The strollers?
Have you had bittersweet feelings while giving baby things away?
It's interesting, this crossroads I've come to. I was explaining to my buddy today that I feel in between --I'm still having babies, but my kids are growing up. I don't hang out with moms of teenagers, but I don't hang out with moms of toddlers (even though I have one). I don't want to do co-op preschools anymore --I'm too busy with my older kids. But I'm not ready to move onto big-teenage things --I have babies! I feel in limbo, a bit I guess. I imagine it will get weirder in just a few years.
As I was also complaining to my buddy on the phone (she's a good soul, to listen to me complain. We help each other that way!) that I'm struggling so hard to see the end of my situation, I told her that I know in six months, when the house is all reorganized, the baby is here, and I've mended fences with people I've offended, I probably won't remember how bad it was/is. She agreed. Hindsight is always nice --we always get through things. Eventually. You know, "this, too, shall pass" --like a kidney stone, sometimes, but it still passes! (I texted that to Al today and she thought I was hilarious! I think. Pretty sure.)
Haha! Anyway. You know what I mean.
Irony: One challenge I'm facing right now should be really hard --but it's not. I'm not even worrying about it because I've faced it before (in fact, Brandon and I have faced this particular challenge at least 4 other times in our marriage) and I know it will be okay. Life has taught me that as long as we do what the Lord has asked us to do, He will bless us. Will it be in the way we want? Probably not (life has taught me that, too). But we'll still be okay. That gives me hope. And peace. And allows me to deal with all of the other problems I'm facing that are new to me.
Side note: The baby is now kicking me in the ribs. I don't mind it now, but ask me again in 13 weeks. ;)
Have a very Happy Thanksgiving, dear reader!
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy