Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Rare Quiet Tuesday Evening

I only have two large bags of girl's clothes left. When I was pregnant with my third boy, I kind of gave up hope that another girl was coming. But since we weren't finished, I kept some. Two large bags instead of five. Tonight, I went through them both and whittled it down to one bag. The other is going to D.I. The one bag I'm keeping? Well, I'm not. I'm giving it to my sister-in-law for her baby girl.

It felt bittersweet going through those tiny dresses, jackets, shirts. I remember, very specifically, about 95% of those clothes. Each dress I unfolded reminded me of #1 or #2 as a baby, a toddler, a preschooler. As I gently folded each one again, I was reminded that I wasn't going to have another girl in this life. I know I keep saying that Brandon and I aren't sure whether or not we are finished having children, but the more I say "we're done," the better I feel. I'll reserve that conclusion for 10 years from now when it's obvious we're finished, especially since this pregnancy has me convinced I'll never do it again (see my ranting post from yesterday --no, not the birthday one!). I need to wait until I'm on the other side before really deciding. But still...this feels right. And it feels good to be giving away something I no longer need. Will I feel the same way when the high chair goes? The crib? The strollers?

Have you had bittersweet feelings while giving baby things away?

It's interesting, this crossroads I've come to. I was explaining to my buddy today that I feel in between --I'm still having babies, but my kids are growing up. I don't hang out with moms of teenagers, but I don't hang out with moms of toddlers (even though I have one). I don't want to do co-op preschools anymore --I'm too busy with my older kids. But I'm not ready to move onto big-teenage things --I have babies! I feel in limbo, a bit I guess. I imagine it will get weirder in just a few years.

As I was also complaining to my buddy on the phone (she's a good soul, to listen to me complain. We help each other that way!) that I'm struggling so hard to see the end of my situation, I told her that I know in six months, when the house is all reorganized, the baby is here, and I've mended fences with people I've offended, I probably won't remember how bad it was/is. She agreed. Hindsight is always nice --we always get through things. Eventually. You know, "this, too, shall pass" --like a kidney stone, sometimes, but it still passes! (I texted that to Al today and she thought I was hilarious! I think. Pretty sure.)

Haha! Anyway. You know what I mean.

Irony: One challenge I'm facing right now should be really hard --but it's not. I'm not even worrying about it because I've faced it before (in fact, Brandon and I have faced this particular challenge at least 4 other times in our marriage) and I know it will be okay. Life has taught me that as long as we do what the Lord has asked us to do, He will bless us. Will it be in the way we want? Probably not (life has taught me that, too). But we'll still be okay. That gives me hope. And peace. And allows me to deal with all of the other problems I'm facing that are new to me.

Side note: The baby is now kicking me in the ribs. I don't mind it now, but ask me again in 13 weeks. ;)

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving, dear reader!
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy


Amanda D said...

It is bittersweet. I don't miss diapers and bottles and sippy cups and potty training but I do miss snuggling babies, and having my kids look at me with wonder and appreciation.

It's funny that you feel in limbo, because I do too. Yet, we are in different places. :) I guess I feel like a "tween-parent", not a parent of teens or a parent of small kids.

Give your belly an extra rub for this mama, okay? I just adore you! Happy Thanksgiving! Be safe, okay?

FoxyJ said...

We decided before this last baby that we were done, and I know I'm done (obviously), but giving away the baby clothes has been hard. I had a bunch in the basement until a few months ago when a woman in our ward said that Humanitarian Services really needed baby clothes. So now when I think of those sweet little outfits I try and imagine a family somewhere that is in desperate need for clothes (or maybe some babies in an orphanage getting them). It helps a little.

I am also anxious for my kids to get older, and yet sad that they are growing up. I love their independence and yet miss their cuddles too.

Cheryl said...

I too had similar feelings when I was going through my little girls clothes...I was very sentimental and cried a bit. It helped that I was giving them to a family member who really needed them. I did keep several of her most darling dresses that I plan to save for her when she has a daughter :)

Michelle said...

I've had those bittersweet feelings many times. Still do. I've saved a few of the favorites to give to the kids as heirloomy kinds of things...the ones that have a story behind them, for example. I cried when I took bags to my friend when her first grandbaby was on her way. For so long, I thought we would be able to have more.

By the way, we still have a crib if you know someone who wants one. ;)

Handsfullmom said...

It's occurred to me (as I'm trying to appreciate this pregnancy even while I'm wishing it were over) that this could be my last girl and that I better appreciate her!

And I know how you feel about the preschool co-ops and such. For me, I'm just a bit worn out from that stage -- I'd much rather delegate the messy art projects and macaroni noodle necklaces and such to a great preschool teacher and focus on things I enjoy with my kids more.