Go to Idaho for Thanksgiving.
Come back from Idaho and go to cousin's wedding.
Enjoy all wedding festivities.
Host cousins during infamous BYU/Ute football game. Where the KNEE WAS DOWN, PEOPLE!
Get house in order.
Leave right after Sacrament Meeting with children for little family excursion to Park City.
Come home the next day and put up Christmas decorations.
Do five bazillion loads of laundry, dishes, clean whole house, put away storage stuff, decorate Christmas tree. Oh, yeah. Still doing all of that one. Sheesh!
As you can see, I have not been blogging. Whoop-dee-doo.
New favorite author: Rosamunde Pilcher. Granted, I've only read one of her books (Winter Solstice), but I'm impressed!
I visit teach an amazing artist. Yes, yes I do. They are having a fabulous art exhibit next weekend (Dec. 10th and 11th) at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building featuring a gazillion famous artists (LDS and inspirational art) where you can buy prints or originals. I'm very excited to go! My children (three of them: #1, #2, and #4 to be exact) were used as models for her newest painting (that isn't quite finished, yet). The honor is beyond words. I'm going to be there on the 11th --you should, too!
I think I'm finally hitting that wall. The one where all I do is whine and complain about my miserable existence as a semi-single mother. No time to talk to my husband. No time to do anything for myself. No time to even finish essentials (and so instead I ignore everything and sit down and read a book because why would I try to finish something I know is impossible to finish?).
I try really, really, really hard not to talk about my marriage on this blog (except the good stuff). Brandon is a really awesome husband and father (even during his less-than-stellar times) and I truly love the man. Complaining about him in a public way is disrespectful of him and of our marriage. But I would be lying --as most of you know --if I claimed my marriage was perfect. Which, thank goodness, I've never claimed.
Brandon is an ambitious man. He has plans for his career and his education; hopes and dreams and desires for better things for him and us (his family). Like me, he values financial stability (and possible wealth. But not crazy wealth. Solid wealth). A friend recently told me, after I was gratefully speaking about Brandon's graduation date:
"Cheryl, Brandon is getting an executive MBA. That means he wants to be an executive. His hours won't get shorter after graduation!"
After telling him to shut-up, and laughing it off, it hit me: He is right. Brandon has ambition in spades. Not Larry H. Miller ambition, but still...
What does this mean for us? For me? For the kids? Right now, nothing. I'm very honest with my husband about my desires and my needs-- in fact, I've already had this conversation with him (thus the blog post) --and so he knows my trepidation and fear of raising all the kids alone. But I also know how much I want him to succeed. I want to see him happy, successful, and content. Sometimes I think he (and I) could accomplish this by selling everything and moving to the coasts of Scotland. Or Seattle. Maybe Half Moon Bay? And see, if he was gone because of a Church calling (Bishopric, Apostle, whatever), then I'd be raising the kids "alone" and for some reason, I don't think I'd be as frustrated with it. Why is this? The wealth of the world versus the wealth of God? Totally. In fact, even though I'm tired of constant meetings or what-not, I honestly am not upset with Church service. Church service to me is one of those lines that I have never crossed. This isn't due to some guilt or rule or whatever; it's truly my personality. Church service (within reason; along calling lines, etc.) is a no-brainer for me. It HAS to be done. I WANT it to be done. This is where the education/working/success-for-money lines become blurry for me. Do we want to be educated? Heck, yes! Do we want successful jobs/financial security/ability-to-serve-a-mission-together-one-day? Yeppers. But at what cost? Where is that line of too much? I know it's super individual and sometimes the individual can't always know, but I wonder if in the desire for success, life can be lost. Whoah! Don't get me wrong, dear reader! My husband hasn't lost himself in this roller-coaster-seductive-dark-side. Does it mean he's immune from it? Absolutely not. (Why do I keep asking questions and answering them? I'm not sure. Shoot! Did it again!)
What is my point? I'm not sure. These are just the things moving around in my brain and heart lately. Wondering about where the future will take us; hoping that Brandon and I are on the same page and can map it out without too much fear on either side [Okay, my side. Yeah, that's me! Mrs. Fearful! It's the genetics].
In light of all this stressful stress I heap upon myself, I've decided I need to start taking more breaks. Time away from the kidlets. Maybe once a week doing some kind of solo trip. Browse a book store; take in a movie. Dinner with a friend. I'm also considering hiring a maid (I know, I know, I've said this before) to come and deep clean the kitchen and bathrooms twice a month. There's gotta be somebody willing to do that, right?
(Notice how I didn't answer that question?!?)