Pretend this is the picture of the same weight. 192.7 pounds.
Normally, I would be angry. Ticked off, really. But I'm not. And I'm gonna tell you why:
1. I have been eating smaller portions and whole(er) foods.
2. I have been exercising!
3. I've been staying on top of my meds, my meals, and my life in general.
For example, a story!
I have this awesome friend named Jill. I love that girl! Anyway, she and I ran our first 5K together about four years ago. Since then, we've both had two more kids each --and needless to say, we need to get back into shape! Early morning was too hard (her hubby leaves for work early, early), and so we started kind of a walking group. We would go to the church parking lot with all of our kids in tow after the big kids left for school (around 8:45AM). Between us, the little kids equaled five. We would bring treats/toys for the bigger ones and push the babies in strollers around the perimeter of the parking lot. Soon, 3 more ladies and their kiddos joined us. For two weeks, this worked!
But not really.
Every twenty seconds, some kid would interrupt, force us to stop, and...repeat. We found ourselves stopping more often than going! We tried to be firm, but how do you tell your 2 year old that he's just gonna have to deal with the blood? Or the need to go potty? It got frustrating, and pretty soon our motivation waned. How in the world could we expect to lose weight with all the stopping?
So, Jill and I decided we would just have to bite the bullet and start going at 6AM again. Last week we started!
But not really.
Jill has a nursing baby and some insomnia. Long story short? She just can't do it. At least not yet! Maybe in the spring. I could do it, though! We tried to convince the other 3 ladies to join us, but it didn't work out. Because of this, my schedule last week was this:
Monday: Labor Day. Slept in, baby!
Tuesday: Two ladies met me --huzzah! We walked for an hour. Then that night they told me they couldn't do it anymore; evenings were better for them. Which, honestly, is cool with me. No hard feelings!
Wednesday: Nobody came. Walked by myself. Boo-yah!
Thursday: Nobody came. I fell asleep on the church grass for about 15 minutes while waiting. Woke up, went home.
Friday: Nobody came. Went home.
I was pretty discouraged. Frustrated at myself for my lack of motivation. Angry that I couldn't force myself to just go! Let down that nobody else came. Didn't they know I needed them??
But then I went to Stake Conference. And I heard what Elder Holland said about being prepared to serve the Lord. Most people probably noticed the spiritual aspect of it. I just focused on the word physically. In fact, I'm betting he was inspired to say that just for me!
So, yesterday, I woke up at 6AM. I came downstairs. I spent 30 minutes clearing out a place in the disastrous family room (and muttered over and over how the kids were gonna clean it after school --which they did!) and trying to find the DVD remote. But I didn't give up! I made a space. I found the remote. And I turned on the Jillian DVD (30 Day Shred).
And did it.
This morning, I again woke up at 6AM. I came downstairs. In a very clean family room, I laid out my yoga mat. I turned on Jillian's Yoga Meltdown.
And I did it.
Now, this may be premature, but I feel so powerful right now! I finally realized --finally, finally, finally, finally --after years and years of self-motivation-failure, that if I'm going to get myself into a healthier, stronger place, then I will have to do it. I will have to be my own motivation. I will have to push myself. I can't put it on anybody else not showing up to exercise with me. I can't put it upon Alison Wonderland to motivate me from afar. I can't put it upon Brandon's schedule or the baby's schedule or anything else. It has to be ME from ME to ME. And if I love myself enough, then I should be able to do it!
It's hard, though. Really hard. I've been praying every night that I will have the strength to get up and get going. To not eat so much. Because I want this, dear reader! I remember what it felt like to be strong and healthy. I want that back! But this time, it looks like I'm going to do it BY MYSELF. Brandon won't be my competition. I won't have a class to go to twice a week. I won't even have a partner to exercise with. It's all ME.
And I'm okay with that!
What motivates you to exercise? What does it take to get you to exercise, if at all? Did you lose any weight this week? How goes the healthy eating?