Thursday, October 16, 2008

Well, Isn't This Exciting? Another Month Has Come...

Did you know, dear reader, that I can go from perfectly content to Full-On Depression in about 25 minutes? The kind of depression that grips me and won't let go; despair and apathy intermingling in a violent struggle against my desire to just be happy?
Every month, I sense it. I can see the fringes beginning to unravel. This post I published yesterday morning should have warned me; there was no excuse for my anger or accusations (and I apologize for it. Honestly, I am sorry for reacting so quickly in my anger. I know both parties are equally to blame for bad politics, and I know most of the vandalism was probably by idiotic teenagers out for a thrill. So, my apologies, dear reader.), and yet it seemed so rational at the time. By the time yesterday wound down, though, I knew I was a goner. And here I am, now, being all goner-like. Kind of gone, I guess.
I'm trying to combat it with a full schedule the next few days. The kids are out of school for UEA/Fall Break today and tomorrow, so we'll be unpacking the office (yeah, how many times have I said I was gonna start that, eh? Sigh, sigh, sigh...), doing laundry, reading books, watching BYU beat TCU (Go Cougs!), maybe visiting some friends, cleaning the house (which we've already started doing. Hooray!), maybe a date with Brandon (?), and possibly running/walking (emphasis on the walking) in the 5K fundrasier for Nie Nie. If I'm really feeling up to it, I might go to this book party. Oh, yeah. And I have a Neighborhood Newsletter to get done before Tuesday.
But what I really want to do? Besides reading my books and writing my novels?
Sit around and mope.
With chocolate.
And Jane Austen.
Maybe I still will. After some of this other stuff is done. Maybe. If I keep focused, though, and concentrate on the laborious tasks at hand, perhaps this month's depression episode will disperse earlier? Maybe it will just glide on through and I won't notice it. Much.
Maybe.

12 comments:

Julie P said...

I've been on the fence about going to the book party. Your going will convince me! Let me know if you want to make it a date. :) I have a gift card I've been waiting to blow at that mall, anyway.


OH, also. Maybe your feelings about your post yesterday show that you're a better person than I am. It could very, very well be true. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's true. That said, I think there's such thing as a righteous anger, or a righteous frustration, and that you were possibly feeling that, not something inappropriate. XOXOX

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

Hey, hang in there. And sometimes I use the "10 minute rule" to stay motivated...I just work on each obligation for 10 minutes at a time instead of facing the whole task at once. I don't even have to set a timer anymore, since 10 minutes is usually the interval at which one of the Wild Boys needs a snack, something to draw with, help finding a lost toy, their bum wiped, etc...

tamrobot said...

Ah, hang in there. We love you. Don't fret about the post - everyone has the right to feel angry and upset about things. And being upset about someone being assaulted is so not unreasonable!

Janelle said...

Hey, I didn't think your post was bad and it let people remind each other that this stuff happens all the time and on both sides. Just think - you have a persona where people feel comfortable talking with you and sharing their thoughts while you share yours in a very respectable way.

Alison Wonderland said...

That tactic, er, strategy (no, I don't know the differnce between tactics and strategey) actually works prettty well for me when I'm depressed. I can make myself do the things I have to do by telling myself that once they're done I can lie around and wallow in my depression. Sometimes I even end up feeling better once I'm up and going. Sometimes I still feel like crap but at least I got whatever done.
Good luck!

Amanda D said...

Cheryl, I swear that we are on the same cycle. Last month, I was dealing with the same stuff. This month? Dealing with the same stuff. I was seriously happy like two days ago and all the sudden, here comes Auntie and the mood plummets. Oh, well.

Some chocolate and a movie will help, right?! And do not be worried about your post yesterday. You have nothing to apologize for.

Julie said...

I really like alison wonderland's comment. It's the gospel truth.

Thinking of you.

TaLaisa said...

I really like Alice in Wonderlands comment too. I guess I've just never allowed myself to be okay with still feeling like crap even though I accomplished so many things.

That seems like the perfect solution. Instead of hammering myself over the head with the misery and the lack of feeling better even though I 'did' stuff.

If I could find a way, I would totally ditch Super Saturday (I'm in charge of the 'edible gifts' activity, *groan*) and come run the 5k with you.

Anyone have reasonable cause as to why I cannot attend SS(tressful)Saturday?

TaLaisa said...

PS-there is a new post over at Scripture Sisters

Cardalls said...

I think it's okay to give ourselves permission to have a bad day once in a while and induldge in chocolate and jane austen...as long as it isn't all day everyday. it's even okay to let the house go!

Leslie said...

Hey Cheryl...I'm totally hearing you! If only we could get together to hand out...mope...eat chocolate and watch a little Jane...

Hang in there!!!

cornnut32 said...

i hate depression.

it so ruins your day/week/month/whatever.

i know you can get through it. just try to keep perspective when you're in the throws of it--it will be over soon.