Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Reaching and Reminiscing

It's another month, dear reader, and that equates another Down Week. The good news, however, is my mental awareness of it's approach. I sensed and felt the depression before it made itself known, and this, quite frankly, rocks the world! Why? Well, because usually I don't realize what is happening until I am in the thick of it and my children and husband begin to wonder if they should have me hauled away. When I am able to cut it off at the beginning, I can handle it and work through it and pretty much conquer it --as long as I stay focused on not letting it get me down. It's a fairly exhausting process, but much better than the alternative (i.e. dark, dark moody days full of despair and grief, thinking things I don't mean, like wanting to run away and join the circus. Or the Marines.).
So, here I am, cutting off the depression before it takes a hold of me. Stupid depression. You won't win this month!
Have you ever felt that something was just barely out of your grasp, but you couldn't see it or hear it? You felt it there, looming before you, waiting for you to learn enough to understand, or feel enough to catch up to it, but it seemed unattainable? I feel this way about my writing. My book is there, you see, just out of reach. It's so close. So very, very close. But the problem is I haven't written it, yet! There's a story out there just for me, I know it. Something that needs to be written and read. The other 5 or 6 I've tried to write? They are not the "it" I'm speaking of, so I know it's still out there. Somewhere.
I hope I find it soon.
Have you found it? That "something" barely out of your reach?
When I get all moody like this, I tend to reminisce about the past. I'm not sure why; perhaps I'm tapping into memories of happiness? Whatever the case, I find it interesting at how easily I can let my mind remember the past. Thinking of past family vacations, the birth of my children, old boyfriends, college courses, friends from my past, etc. gives me distractions so I won't have to think about why my brain (or hormones?) aren't working right. The upside to this reminiscing is the desire to find old friends, which I have! And as you know, dear reader, I like myself some dear old friends.
Do you ever reminisce?


Becky, I have a cat said...

Yeah, I reminisce sometimes. Like right now I'm reminiscing about my old body and size 27 jeans while I eat a brownie and ice cream for breakfast at 10am.

Kelly A. said...

qYou have reached my ultimate goal, still just out of reach. Your willpower, determination and hard work to get physically healthy.

So this month, reminisce about your greatness and, except it isn't reminiscing, knowing you are still great and this week will pass quickly and you'll be up and fighting again soon.

It's always a bit of a relief when I recognize at the beginning of the week why the blues are coming on, it doesn't make them go away, but it does make a little light at the end of the tunnel.

You rock Cheryl!

Cristy said...

Ah yes, not looking forward to monthly cycles... Endure to the end my gal! Endure!

Yes, I have things just out of reach all the time. I must look like a flailing child on the inside... sigh...

Yes, I reminisce all the time, especially when I'm pregnant. Thinking of easier times... but I find it is positive to look hopefully to the future too.

Leslie said...

You're awesome Cheryl!

No...I haven't found it. *sigh*

I reminisce all the time...there is a reason we have memories my friend. We are supposed to remember.

Keep on...keeping on!

Anonymous said...

Keep looking. It's there somewhere.

I like to reminisce when I don't want to think about the present or the future.

Alison Wonderland said...

I rarely see the blues coming but boy oh, do I see them when they're here.

I have written a book (well, a manuscript) but I'm not sure it's really my "something". I'm not sure there is just one something.

I don't really reminisce all that much, I plan. I fantasize about how great my life's going to be when whatever happens.

Cardalls said...

Sorry the blues are invading your life right now! No fun for sure...

Something just out of reach seems to be good health, although I am working on that with diet and exercise and hoping it will help

My "something"? Not quite sure what it is, right now just surviving well is my something :)

TaLaisa said...

I'm impressed at your ability to recognize the coming onslaught of emotional issues.

I tend to pretend it's nothing, that usually lasts until my 2nd bowl of ice cream and then the sugar takes hold and the guilt, about eating too much and for all the wrong reasons, takes hold. I find myself knee deep in troubles I don't know how to find my way out of.

Sometimes I'll even start searching for 'reasons' to be sad, because being sad for no apparent reason is too scary and lonely.

So here's to winning the depression battle.

I feel like the life I want to lead is always just out of my reach. I have felt like 'busy work' for approval of others is always taking all my energy, energy I would otherwise use to chase that dream. Sometimes I am able to look back and see how the 'busy work' really did shape my life and the things I did instead of chasing that size 4 self were absolutely worth it.

I tend to reminisce when I'm feeling sad for myself, I think about good things and then I recall bad things that occurred near the same time and I dwell on things I ought to forget. That makes me sadder and the misery continues. If I could stop with the happy memories, it'd be much more fun to reminisce.