Since it's all hormone-related (thank you to my MIL for our long talks about her depression and to my SIL for talking about her depression as well), having a baby and PMS are all very real triggers to my depression. On top of that, I moved two states away right after #4 was born. This all creates a breeding ground for funkiness. And boy, have I been in a funk.
One of my earlier posts talked about how being busy could combat my PPD (well, before I readily acknowledged that it was, in fact, PPD). And it does. But I also know that in order to eliminate my "down" days, I have to do so much more. Here is the Plan (as my MIL reminded me I needed to have, or else nothing will change):
- I will be blogging less. I will be staying away from community and personal blogs that bring me down and cause contention. Ironically, they are the Mormon blogs that in their sincere desire to help, are tearing down my faith and making me feel dark inside. Not to mention my complete inadequacy and lack of intelligence to combat their thinking. Please note that those blogs I will still read and/or comment on are in my links.
- I will be exercising more. Even if this means only going to the park each day with the kids --I need to be outside and stop sitting on the couch dwelling on my problems (or sitting on the computer dwelling on my problems). Becoming physically healthy is directly linked to being mentally and emotionally happy. I caught a glimpse of this last year. I need to re-double my efforts, and either just join WW again, or really buckle down and do it.
- More piano students. When I have a purpose like this (outside of raising my kids) I am happy. I'm going to try to get more students so that the time I do have with my kids will be special to me (just as it used to be before I moved).
- Be grateful. Be grateful everyday for the incredible life I've been blessed to enjoy. Focus on those things that will bring me gratitude and joy --eliminate mindless waste-filled activities that blacken my soul and create tension in myself.
- Allowing DH to help me in physical, spiritual, and mental ways. More prayer, more study, more positive things being allowed into our home. Not feeling guilty for asking help with the house. Not feeling bad for needing his guidance when my brain has turned off for the day.
I know that this depression will not go away quickly. I also know that because I'm on top of it, that one day it will go away --at least the symptoms will. *
[My next post will include what I did and my thoughts about my recent weekend away.]
*disclaimer: After much thought, it has been decided against counseling and meds at this time for my PPD, since I have not had any thoughts of harming me or my children (well, serious thoughts. I mean, come on, haven't we all freaked out and threatened harm when our 2 year old is carrying his poopy diaper in hand down the stairs of our rental? But, you know what I mean.)