The vacationing is now over. Reunions were attended, #5 was baptized, birthdays have been celebrated, summery-summer things have happened and next up... school! School starts in two weeks.
I will have 6 children in school (if you didn't know this already) and they will all leave in the early morning and return in the afternoon. This leaves little girl and me alone all day. She will become my buddy and it will be the first time since #1 was a baby (before her sister was born) that I will only have one child with me all day during the school year.
I told my therapist recently that because I'm doing so much better mentally and emotionally, it's time to focus on getting physically healthy. I won't say anymore to this, because I have some goals. But I don't want to make those precious, raw, and vulnerable goals public, for fear of imminent failure (and the fact that it will be very slow going). Sufficeth to say that I have time, now, for this particular goal --time that won't be interrupted by anything but my own agency.
I'm on the other side of having children, too, and this will help tremendously. We counted it, and I have been pregnant for 5 1/2 years (maybe slightly longer). I have also nursed babies for just about 7 years. So, for nearly 13 of the last 18 1/2 years, my body has been used for others (in a positive way, of course). That means I've been through a lot of change, back and forth, over and out, inside, and upside down.
During that time, I did do things to keep myself healthy. I haven't always been so overweight. It's ebbed and flowed and I feel like I've done a good job. I won't beat myself up for doing the things I needed to do to get through the years when I was stretched so paper thin you could see yourself reflecting back in the sheen of exhaustion. What's done is done.
I want to focus on tomorrow and today. Mostly today.
Did you know, dear reader, that I have been able to make my bed every day for several months, now? In fact, I have been making our bed so long, it's a habit. I also have been feeding the cats every day. I have done it so often, that it's just part of what I do. This is an example of how well I am doing mentally. I can make choices. Daily, small, normal choices. And not only do I make them, I am making the right ones. Not because making my bed is morally good (honestly, who cares half the time, right?) but because making my bed shows I care, I can choose to do it, and that I did it. My goal: make my physical health the same kind of habit. To care about it, to choose it, and then to do it.
Agency is one of the most underrated and overlooked tools we have as mortals. The ability to choose is powerful. Choice is powerful! There are consequences to choices, of course, but the fact that we can make them is miraculous. Agency is a gift. And as someone who was limited in her agency due to the sickness in her mind, I don't want to ever take it for granted, again.
This is why my bed making is crucial --it proves I can choose. It's one of the biggest hallmarks of my mental healing.
So, dear reader, when does school start for your kids? How many will you have in school? Do you make your bed every day? What do you do for your physical health? What good choices have you made, lately?