I'm a Hemline

I was telling my sister this morning about how I feel like a candle burning at both ends. It's my plight, as a woman. A mother. It's like what Katherine Nelson says in her song, "We Are:"

We’ll die as Brave as the day that we were Born 
We’re walking like queens but working like soldiers 
We’re the frontlines we’re the hemlines 
Men and children cling on 
We claim our right to carry on 

It's that one line --"men and children cling on." That is my reality. I am a woman of strong convictions, but I realize now, more than ever, that I am glue in my family unit. I hold us all together. My husband relies on me, as do my children. They cling to me. Do I do it well? Not always. Perfectly? Far from it. Frankly, I could do with a little more charity and some more self-care.

Last night I was struck with this connection as I moved from our bed to the rocking chair in the baby's room in order to nurse. I moved from my husband to our child, and in those quiet moments, I realized this is what I do; I move from one to the next, fixing, solving, comforting, teaching (and yelling, and --but let's focus on the good parts, eh?).

It doesn't matter if I am exhausted, because I welcome the exhaustion, I wanted the exhaustion, I fight for the exhaustion every day of my life! I'm not just talking about signing up for mortality, either. I chose Jesus Christ. I chose His Gospel. I chose to make covenants with Heavenly Father. I chose Brandon and our eternal marriage; I chose our children.

The exhaustion is the precursor to the fruits of my labors. The work is in the drudgery, the mundane, but the fruits are also a result of it and found inside of it every. single. day.

I walk like a queen: I am a mother. A co-creator with God and my husband. I am a wife, a companion by choice. I oversee my tiny kingdom with love and humor (and baby wipes).

I work like a soldier: I'm in the trenches. I fight daily for body and spirit, and I won't back down against the adversary. I'm up against the influence of the world and all of its lies coming through the wires in the walls of our home, through the words of children on the playground, and through the influences of a self-promoting society. I dig in my heels and scrub floors, clothes, walls, dishes. I cook to feed my army of warriors several times a day.

I will continue to move between my husband, the laundry, the kitchen, and the children. I've earned my right to carry on! I'm on the front lines, and indeed, I will die as brave as the day that I was born. I'm living bravely, too.