Wednesday, August 22, 2012

In Which I Wax Philosophical on Rejection

1st day of school: Up early, excitement, most chores finished, piano practice done, everything ready, happiness abounding!
2nd day of school: Sleeping in, no chores finished, no piano practiced, having to be reminded to brush teeth, wear socks (sigh), and eat breakfast.

1st day of school: I'm up and showered and --AND! --wearing make-up by 8AM.
2nd day of school: I'm still sitting here in my pajamas at 8:58AM.


Tonight we have two soccer games, one Pack Meeting, and I have Book Club (I'm leading the discussion on Wallace Stegner's "Crossing to Safety").

This means I need to bake cookies for pack meeting, make muffins of some kind and pack "lunches" for our dinner tonight (to consume at soccer games), and finish my notes for book club. Plus laundry. And cleaning. And maybe change a diaper or two and nurse once or twice and feed the boys lunch.

OH! And we have an SEP for #4 with his Kindergarten teacher! Doh! Glad I remembered that just now...


Yesterday afternoon #1, #3, #6, and I rode up to the school for #1's and #3's SEP's. Love my MIL for giving me the most amazing bike I've ever owned and love my husband for getting the trailer hooked up to it so I can pull the littlies around. My goal? To get on that thing at least 5 days a week, even if it's just to the church (two blocks away) or the school (about 1/2 mile away). We'll ride bikes up for #4's SEP today, I can at least guarantee that!


Been thinking about rejection lately. Rejection by society (doesn't really bother me --really like it, actually, to realize I'm not following trending immorality) and rejection by friends/family.

I've said and done a lot of stupid things over the years. It doesn't surprise me that I've been or will be rejected by people. Interestingly enough, the rejections don't always come as bridge-burning-ripping-apart-the-relationship --some have been just simple emotional rejections in brief moments (followed by no communication). This is normal. I think most people have experienced rejection (in fact, I think I'll go out on a limb here and say EVERYONE has experienced rejection of some kind). It hurts, yes, as it should, but I don't have time like I have had in the past to dwell on it too much. Too many little people are depending on me to be present, and I can't be nursing wounded feelings in the face of such cuteness and need.

It's in the quiet moments of my day that I think about it, though. In fact, just last night (while #1 was at soccer practice and Brandon took #2, #3, #4, and #5 to the BYU Fall Sports Kick-Off thingy and I stayed home to nurse & cuddle #6 and clean up) I thought about the different kinds of rejections:
*My opinions offend
*The way I communicate offends
*The way talk about myself on my blog offends
*Being rejected by somebody I've never met/communicated with in my life (looooong story)
*Small, emotional rejections by those closest to me (which are a normal part of everyday life, truly, and are an opportunity to learn/grow and communicate better)
*How I've changed over the years offends
*Friends who used to be my closest confidants have stopped communicating altogether and I simply don't know why --I can assume, but I really don't know why. But in my attempt not to offend further, I don't push or pursue.

I thought about this scripture:
He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)

Now, lest you think I'm comparing myself to Christ, you can be assured that I am not. However, I was reminded of this truth: If Jesus Christ, a God, our Saviour, our Redeemer, our Advocate with the Father, the Only Begotten Son of God, and my Elder Brother was rejected and despised, what have I, Cheryl, a daughter of God, to complain about?

("Son of Man" by J. Kirk Richards)

I'm pretty sure I've rejected people --some on purpose, most not. If I am rejected and despised, perhaps I can take comfort? Knowing that He understands more fully than I ever will? I mean, yeah, some people have made me feel like a complete outsider for decades, but He was rejected by the very people He died for. Perspective is everything, dear reader.


And with that, I'm off! Baking, showering, clothing, laundering, cleaning, feeding, changing... wash, rinse, repeat...


Aubrey said...

Your thoughts resonated with me today, more so than usual, which prompted a comment. :) Having lived in Texas for the last few years, after living in Utah for my whole life, and attending BYU, I have "lost" a lot of friends over the years. I have at times felt very rejected - when I call or text or email a very close friend from my ward growing up, or one of my best friends from college - a roommate or music friend - and receive no answer. There are women in my life that I have described to my husband as sisters to me, and when they don't reply, it hurts. I don't understand why, and it feels like they don't care. What I have realized in these situations is that the likelihood that this person is mad at me is very remote. What is much more likely is that they are focusing on the people in their immediate vicinity. I often joked with my husband that we have too many people in our ward to choose from to be friends with. So many people to enjoy and lift and encourage, it's no wonder that we can't make it to everyone. I'm sure there are people that felt close to me that I haven't kept in touch with, and perhaps they have been hurt by that.

Of course, you know your situations much better than I do, but I would urge you not to label every single instance of this sort as rejection. Life changes over time, people become different, their needs change, their location changes, and I believe that people are basically good - they are not trying to hurt anyone's feelings.

I hope this helps in some way.

Cheryl said...

Aubrey, I like that. A lot. I think it's easy to assume people are being rude/mean/neglectful on purpose and it's more than probable that they feel I'm doing it to them, too!

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

Sometimes friends neglect you because their own lives are chaos at the moment...true story. But I still love you!! <3