Diligently Fighting

"Every night, I think, 'Oh, man, I shouldn't have made that choice. Why didn't I respond better?' And every night, I repent."
"Really?" I asked her.
"Yep!"

Refreshing it is, to hear other mothers tell me about their weakness. Learning that other mothers have need to apologize to their children, who yell too much, who repent daily for their inadequacies as parents, who try harder the next day and don't give up even though they fail spectacularly day in and day out. Beautiful to know I am not the only mother who falls short --and keeps trying.

In Sacrament Meeting yesterday, a beautiful returned missionary shared a scripture that had helped change her attitude on her mission:

And now, my beloved son, notwithstanding their hardness, let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God. (Moroni 9:6)

This scripture was applied to missionary work (and is actually talking about missionary work, too), but as she spoke the words, the Spirit confirmed to my heart that it applies to my stewardship as a mother. Notwithstanding the hardness and trial and mundane and mistakes, motherhood is my labor to perform --and I need to be diligent! Not in a depressing way --not out of fear or guilt, but because this is my calling. What I have chosen to do, what I have been asked to do, what I was meant to do.

While Brandon was being set apart yesterday morning by the Stake Presidency to his calling as a counselor in the Stake Young Men's Presidency, I was overcome by my husband's righteous desires. Despite his own weaknesses, I see his strong efforts in creating this home --this family --with me. He works so hard to keep us afloat and me at home (which is my wish); he tries so hard to be present, to lead and guide with humor and love.

As I taught Sunday School yesterday, we learned about how we can fortify ourselves against satan and his evil influences as the Nephites fortified their homes and cities against the Lamanites during the time of Captain Moroni. We arm ourselves very similarly as we would to arm ourselves for war --because, really, we are at war! We talked about those typical Sunday school answers (prayer, scripture study, going to church, attending the Temple, FHE, etc.) and how individually, they don't mean much, but collectively, they save our families --they save our souls.

My desire: To teach, guide, and protect my children. For them to know first and foremost, that they are loved. Loved by their Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, loved by their parents. After that, I desire for them to have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ:

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. (3 John 1:4)

In Relief Society yesterday, we learned about how important it is to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ --and we talked about our gratitude to those who had shared it with us. For me, it was my parents. They taught me the Gospel from an early age; they shared with me their testimonies and showed me the path of truth. I'm so grateful to them! Because now I know how hard it is sometimes to fight for righteousness in family life. I see how easily wicked influences can creep into a home --whether it be in the form of contention (the easiest) or the media (the second easiest) or peers (easier when school starts). I see how important it is, too, this fight for truth and righteousness. Truly, it's everything! This is why I'm going to keep trying --keep fighting for my family, for my children.

Because of this, I will probably have to continue daily repentance, daily apologies, and daily "trying better's." I will need to continue to diligently embrace the mundane, the repeated teachings; withstand outside forces that don't understand why this is so important. But it's okay. As in another scripture I am very fond of:

Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which are great. (Doctrine & Covenants 64:33)