I know that is still considered very young. For many, the fact that I'm having my 6th child soon (today? Tomorrow?) at such a young age is crazy. But I like it. Each pregnancy has beaten my body more; I can't imagine having children into my 40's. But I was lucky enough to start when I was 22. If I started later? Different mindset. I would keep going. (Or have less children!) But that's not what I want to talk about.
My age has been on my mind, lately. 33. Thirty-three. Three, three. Have I learned anything in 33 years? Where am I compared to 22 or 11? Am I really better off? Have I learned more? Some say this is the prime of life (the 30's) and others believe it's only the beginning (we do live longer now-a-days compared to a couple hundred years back). In some ways, I am more comfortable with who I am --I am wiser. But in so many other ways, that wisdom and comfort has taught me that I have so much more to learn.
Thirty three. Not a big deal, right? But it was for Jesus Christ.
He suffered in Gethsemane when He was 33. He was betrayed and falsely accused and arrested and crucified when He was 33. He died and was risen again when He was 33 (or maybe He rose when He was really 34? Not that it even matters, but wouldn't it be cool if He was resurrected on His earthly birthday? Best birthday gift, EVER!).
When I think about all He did from age 30-33, I wonder, "What have I done?" I know I'm not even near the same category of awesomeness as my Savior, but still, I think about it. If I am supposed to emulate Christ in everything that I do, where have I done it? Where have I failed? I don't compare myself to Him in the way you might be thinking --He was perfection personified. I could never, in this life, expect to be as wonderful. I can try, though, right? I can at least make an attempt. I mean, He asked us (me) to try.
For my birthday this morning, my kids and hubby brought me breakfast in bed (eggs, toast, strawberries, OJ) and presented me with gifts: a stuffed puppy (whom #5 claims is really his), chocolate, a book, a fleece blanket (#1 cut the ends and tied them), a body pillow, a candle, and a frame with Psalm 39:12 printed in it:
"Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not they peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were."#2 picked it out, and I doubt she even really read the text, but I like it. I like it because I feel like most of my prayers are similar:
"I know I mess up a lot. I yell too much. I'm quick to give into my weaknesses and I tend to give up a lot. I know life isn't supposed to be easy, and I know I'm not as good as I should be... but please, Heavenly Father, will you forgive me? Let me try some more? Please help me. I know I can't do it on my own. Please let the Holy Ghost be with me to guide me. I've got so much to learn, and I hate that even when I know how to behave, I choose to be weak instead of strong. I know I complain too much, too. I'm not asking You to take away my Depression or our trials, but maybe help me get through them better? Help me have peace? Please?"
And He usually does. Send peace and help me, I mean.
Turning 30 was easy and fun for me. I didn't look at my 30's as a curse --as getting old. I love my 30's. However, for the reasons stated above, 33 is a bit harder for me. Spiritually, anyway. I'm hoping that this year I can try harder to emulate my Savior and think about Him more and about His last year on Earth as a mortal man before He fulfilled His Father's will. Cheesy? Nah. There's nothing cheesy about trying to follow Christ. He is, after all, the Best thing that has ever happened to mankind, hands down.
Anyway, Happy Birthday to me! If you could all pray that my stubborn little guy will be born, I'd appreciate it. I've decided sharing a birthday with him would actually be a privilege --and the best birthday gift I've ever received! But so far, he doesn't seem to think so, silly baby. Wants his own day, I guess!.