Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Random Tuesday. And Two Months.

I feel baby boy kicking around inside me a lot now. I'm pretty positive he is doing somersaults. As you can see over there on the sidebar, I'm almost 25 weeks along. Unfortunately, I'm feeling about...34 weeks along. Maybe 36. Of course, I say this now, and when I'm actually 34 or 36 weeks, I'll be wishing we were back to 25, so, whatever.


#4 to #3: "You're the best brother! Well, sort of. Sometimes you're not, but sometimes you're the best! Right now you're the best."


Me: "WHA!? What do I look like!?"
#3: "A mom."
Me: "And what does a mom look like?"
#3: "A beautiful woman."


Me: "Yes, you can play the Wii."


My gorgeous husband will be 35 years old soon. How did that happen? When we met, he was 21, just fresh off the mission, but I swear, he looks the same. No grey hair, same gorgeous eyes, nary a wrinkle --when I look at our wedding photos, I can see a difference, but it's hard to explain. I think it's just love, really. I mean, I do love the man more now than I did 13 years ago, so, of course, it would make sense that he would be amazingly unchanged and gorgeous to me.

There's a man in our ward who will be 97 this next year. 97! He still comes to church every week with his 85 year old wife (second marriage to both) and he often comments in my Sunday School class. He's amazing! They are the cutest couple and the best example of consistent service (his wife is in my book club and she's witty and extremely intelligent and sharp as a whip!). When I look at them, I think about my husband and I. Will we be as happy and healthy and helpful at that age? There are so many things that can happen between now and then (and like I said, this is a second marriage to both --they both were widowed/ered), that it's unlikely we'll both even be alive by that age. But still, it makes me happy to see them, to imagine me growing old with my husband.

It's universal, I think. When we see older couples who have been married for decades and decades, society applauds them, sighs happily, smiles, and compliments the situation. Is this because it's so rare now-a-days? Or because we all long for the same thing ourselves? I'm hoping it's for the last one. I'm hoping for the same thing, anyway.


I think we're meant to be parents so we can be shown how weak, broken, selfish, and arrogant we are --almost humiliatingly so (is "humiliatingly" a word?). I mean, come on! If I wasn't a parent, I wouldn't realize how impatient I am. I also wouldn't realize how incredibly selfish I am, either. It's a blessing, true, but it's also a curse. To the natural man. Ooh, ooh! That's it! It's a blessing to the spirit, but a curse to the "natural man." Anyway, whatever.

This morning, I was shown-- again -- how incredibly weak I am as a parent. Sigh. It never ends, does it? Just when I think I'm rounding the corner and doing better and being such a "great, kind, involved parent" I do something really, really pathetic. Weak. Immature. Mean.

You do, too, though, right? Right??


Serious note.

It's been 2 months since Jared died. I thought about him yesterday as I woke up and wondered what he was doing up in Spirit Awesomeness. Here's a video his friend made of him and his wife (my awesome SIL). The music is actually Jared singing; Tamra is playing the keyboard. Their band, Black Bear, wrote a few albums, and this is from their first one, "Tico."

We miss you, Jared. Feels like a lifetime since you left; feels just like yesterday.

1 comment:

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

Wow, that video...it's beautiful. The music is awesome, and the tribute is heartbreakingly touching. Just wow.

And, btw, I totally agree with your idea about parenthood...my Wild Boys teach me lessons about myself that nobody else could. Especially about my weaknesses.

And re: "Yes, you can play the Wii." HILARIOUS!!! That #3 has got you figured out. ;)