Sunday, September 18, 2011

September and Me

I love September. It's such a beautiful month. In my past, September has represented the EISF (Eastern Idaho State Fair), corn husking, marching band competitions, potato harvest, cooler weather, and anticipation of...something. What? I'm not sure. Just anticipation. The changing of the seasons. A new "school" year beginning. Romance. The holidays coming...

This year, September hasn't liked me much. 9/11, of course, will always taint my love of this month. However --it has given me another reason to celebrate, to remember. Our neighborhood holds a 9/11 small-town carnival/festival every year to remember those who died that day. In a way, it's our attempt to "stick it to the terrorists!" I love it. But it wasn't just 9/11 this year that has caused me frustration. This entire summer has been difficult for our family --and September, at first, a welcome relief full of hope for something better, just got worse.

The summer = First Trimester stuff, it seems over. I have more energy. Of course, the suicide was overwhelming (still is), the BYU football losses are neither here nor there (I believe that football is for fun, but I can't say it's been fun watching us lose, especially how badly we lost last night to Utah. UGH), Brandon's search for better employment is still under way, we're still trying to figure out #3's needs and #5's refusal to use words, and #4 seems to be exhibiting his pain in whiny-tantrum ways, which means I have to exercise even more patience and understanding.

I feel kind of betrayed by September, you know? We've always had this love affair of the senses (favorite new candle: Mulled Apple Cider), and for a few hours yesterday, I was hopping mad at September. Mad! Hopping! How could it betray me like this!?

But today, I'm not feeling as betrayed anymore. I had the chance to perspective-ize everything. Chalk it up to my faith, to amazing friends/family, my ability to vocalize how I feel, the Holy Ghost, my experiences in Church, the music I've listened to lately --whatever (it's a combination of them all, really), but I think I love September again. Still. Whatever.

September, to me, will always represent pain (anyone feelin' a hankerin' for some Green Day right now??), but instead of hating it, I will love it, because it will remind me of:
1. How much I love my country.
2. The love of family and friends.
3. How my testimony of the Plan of Salvation and eternal families and faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ was strengthened.
4. Basically, just a lot of love amidst a lot of pain. You know, LOVE. Love, love, love. That first commandment and second commandment.

I'm excited for the rest of Autumn. It truly is my favorite season. And I don't care if it gets worse, or if there's more pain, or if there's more trial, because I refuse to give in and despair. Instead, I will cry a bit, pray a bit more, and focus on my blessings. Because God is good, dear reader. I mean, He invented pumpkin spice and red maple leaves, right? He gave me September, right? Only a loving God would have thought of that.


Mother of the Wild Boys said...

For the record, I'm always feelin' a hankerin' for some Green Day, in one variety or another.

Mormon Women: Who We Are said...

I felt this way after summer. As in, "THAT was it? That pretty much stunk!"

And then I realized that it's more like this is just life, and I'm trying to still adjust to the reality that life can be hard and very unpredictable.

The topic in church today was adversity, and someone read a definition that was basically "adversity comes anytime expectations are not met." It's given me something to think about, because I think that does kind of boil things down. It also gives me some tangible things to think about and feel like I can work on. If I can adjust or broaden expectations, maybe I would experience the pain of unexpecteds with more grace.


I'm sorry for how hard September has been. But you are right. God is good. I love how you ended this post.

flip flop mama said...

I have a love/hate relationship with September too. I have lost two babies in September, gotten pregnant with my son in September and my birthday is next week. Sometimes I wish we could just skip this month, but then again some really wonderful things happen too.