Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Vent Post

Still no grass. The replacement-grass guys haven't shown up for over a week. I'm trying to have faith and assume it's because the sod wasn't ready or the dirt in our yard had to be extra dry before they haul it away, but I'm losing that faith. The kids haven't had grass to play on for months. Not cool!

I'm also losing faith in my ability to run a household. I'm tired of the whining, the crying, the fighting, the rude remarks. I have no energy to finish tasks and if I do, the minute they get done, they get messed up again.

People will think that my house is normal: "Oh, Cheryl, everybody has a messier house than they want" but those people do NOT understand. This isn't just a messy house. This is a house I've lost all control over and is need of some MAJOR overhauling and organization. But my hands are tied. Brandon and I don't see eye to eye on how to do it, so nothing gets done. I'm stuck with mass chaos and no energy to alleviate the mass chaos.

That's not all, dear reader. The other day at a Ward thing I realized why (even though I really love this neighborhood) the women my age don't invite me to things. And although it made me sad, I decided I was done caring. You can't make people like you if they don't, you know.

On the bright side, therapy is going well. I'm getting to the core of my issues and it's actually surprising me what they are-- I had no idea, for example, how one issue has been bothering me for 13 years. But it was very eye opening!

Other good news: Our new neighbors! The house next to us went up for rent, and that is always nerve wracking. You never know what you'll get with a rental. But the family that moved in is fantastic! They are a wonderful LDS family with 7 children. Seven! Ages 3 to 16. The parents are simply fantastic and I'm thrilled they moved in! Friends for my kids and a possible friend for me. Huzzah!

Well, I better get back to the grind. This chaos will not resolve itself. Unfortunately.

7 comments:

FoxyJ said...

Vent away! It can be healthy some times.

And I get the frustration of not being invited to things. It's happened to me a lot because my interests and passions are a little unique and sometimes I'm sort of socially clueless.

How much will Brandon care if you go ahead and do what you want to do? (with organization) I'm just curious. I've always felt like the person who spends the most time at home should have a little more say in how things run, but I also totally agree with having your partner on board too.

And, we should hang out some time. My older kids are going to my parents' house for a little while in a few weeks so maybe we should do a lunch or dinner. Let me know. My life is kind of crazy lately.

becca said...

Yea, first to comment and first to probably make you say, "who does she think she is telling me what to do?" and I say, you asked for it my friend!

And I comment because I love you and because I hate seeing others get frustrated and down because of something fixable.

1. Go get your phone and download My Fitness Pal from the app store. Use it. Every day. Calories in calories out and all the good food in the world will make you fat if you don't watch your portions. Do this and you will have the energy to tackle the next points. (I know from experience...Hubby has lost over 70 lbs in 6 months doing this and now he has energy to help me complete all my weird projects- and his own!)

2. Dejunk. One room at a time. Only one a day. Bigger room = two days. No more. It's just stuff and if stuff is making you feel like a bad mom, get it out of your house. Let the kids and DH cry and scream that they hate you, but when it's done and they feel the calm in the house because the stuff isn't there to take up the "peace" they'll wonder how they lived before. IMPORTANT- start with your bedroom and your stuff--let DH purge his own and make a pile for him. If it's too big- out- too small and you loved it- box it. It's not your favorite but you have nothing else to wear- out! Be brutal!!!! Don't look back!!! Use dark bags or deep boxes and tape it up so you won't pull it out and put it in the garage. Now pick some flowers for your room :)

3. Tell each child they have x shirts, x pants, x sweaters, etc that they can keep and the rest are either boxed for the next kid (only the best!!!) or in the bag. No exceptions. Seriously. Laundry problem solved.

4. Toys. Honestly, we have few toys because I hate the fights and have no "toy room". If you have a room to designate "play room" all toys (except a select 2-4) live in the play room. If they are outside the play room at bedtime, mom reserves the right to pick them up when all are asleep at pitch them. Seriously.

5. Kitchen. Same thing. Be honest. Do you have two? Get rid of one. "I might use that?" Get rid of it or change your lifestyle and use it. Odd cups out.

6. Pray before, during and after said process to have patience and love toward your family and the ability to let go of things that are just things, even though they are pretty or someone gave it to you. Is it worth your sanity? Take a picture of it and blog about it and then give it away.

7 Have an amazing yard sale (no take backs!!) or donate it all...find someone in the ward that could use it, but get it all out.

8. Forgive your friend for being presumptuous and know that if you need it, an offer is in the air if you need help this saturday to get started. Or just kick me off your friend's list on facebook. Either way I'm cool.

good luck!

Stephanie said...

Cheryl,

I'm your age, and I love you!!

I'm kind of the opposite of you, though. I end up being thrown in with women a good 5-10 years younger than me, just because of our children's ages. And sometimes, I can TELL!! Sometimes it makes me feel old and sometimes annoyed. But my kids are having fun, so I try to just deal with it, and then vent to my excellent hubby when I get home. Especially if something one of them says is extremely naive or funny.

Amber said...

"I'm also losing faith in my ability to run a household. I'm tired of the whining, the crying, the fighting, the rude remarks. I have no energy to finish tasks and if I do, the minute they get done, they get messed up again."

I could have written that word for word. I am honestly wondering this week if my children are just plain mean. I don't know how to mediate the arguments, or if I'm even supposed to. I need to talk to a mom who's kids are grown, who actually remembers what it was like to be my age.

Good luck.

Judi said...

I love Becca's comments...I think I will need to apply some of them to my own life.
My biggest issue is the weight. I'm to tired or sick to do anything about it, but it is what is making me sick.
I love the use it or throw it out attitude. I've got 8 months to do that before my boy comes home..the attic is my biggest fear.
Cheryl...i don't get invited to a lot of things either, but I have decided that is okay. I live my life and do what I feel is best for me and my family. I have learned, through a lot of pain, who my "true friends" really are. I remember my mother telling me once that we might "know" a lot of people in our lives, but if we have 2-3 "true friends" then to consider our selved blessed. So I am blessed.
Hope things get better...
and I love you too!

Cheryl said...

I agree with the comment that the person who spends the most time in the home should be able to organize how she would like it. You are running the household, you have the most say!

Handsfullmom said...

Sounds like you've found some silver linings from your other posts, but I'm curious what you figured out about not being invited anywhere (email me, k?). I never get invited anywhere either, but I figure that's because I have twice as many kids as anyone else my age. =)