Reading Filth

I started reading Water for Elephants. I didn't finish it. I couldn't. I was angry with myself for reading as much as I did, and I was angry with the illusion of literary grandeur that was hard to find amongst so much filth.

I'm pretty good at keeping away from things that will distort and destroy my mind. I tend to agree in what the 13th Article of Faith states. At the same time, I'm no prude. There are times and places for hard truths, and sometimes, reading about suffering, although disturbing and hard to read (The Holy Bible, anyone?), can place emphasis on things such as compassion, forgiveness, love, repentance.

But sometimes, disturbing things are just disturbing. They don't need to be read; they don't need to be written.

I spent most of the evening last night pondering why I chose to read what I did. Was it out of pride? Perhaps. I do, in fact, pride myself in my literary tastes (see above). Why else did I read it? Curiosity? Curiosity truly did kill the cat, though. Curiosity is also a breeding ground for addiction --especially pornography addiction. Maybe I read it because I wanted it to be better than I heard it was...or just as good as I heard it was? Maybe. Regardless, I felt awful.

I woke up this morning with repentance on my lips --I wanted the images I read to flee my mind. It's not going to be that easy, though, dear reader. Images tend to stay. And speaking of images, have any of you seen Room With A View? I watched it a few weeks ago. It was rated NR, which I assumed meant PBS or something. The movie was great --except, except, except... if you know what the exception was, then I'm sure you've seen the movie. There is a short scene in which nudity is prevalent. Non-sexual nudity, though. In fact, it's pretty modest, all things considered, and personally, I think our society is a little too modest when it comes to the human body. Just sayin'. However! It still shocked me. Enough that I double-checked the rating. But not enough to turn it off. I still can see those scenes in my mind, just as I can remember most of the other scenes in the movie.

I decided to get out my scriptures and work hard on my Gospel Doctrine Lesson this morning. The difference of feeling that entered my mind and soul as I read the words of Christ compared to those of a silly novel with filthy words is palpable, dear reader. I truly believe that when we fill our minds and hearts with lovely language, with words flowing with truth and beauty, it can --and will --change our hearts.

It makes me sad, though. Sad that books and movies so full of accepted and glorified sin are praised as genius, while books full of truth and light are touted as insanity. But where do I spend my money? How do I spend my time? What shows do I watch on TV? What books and movies to I buy?

Why should this surprise me, though? Men have, since the beginning of our journey on Earth, praised man. Even Jesus said, I receive not honour from men (John 5:41) --He knew that men would not accept Him or His counsel, His Atonement or His sacrifice. He knew it. And the only thing that bothered Him about it was His sadness over it --not because men didn't worship Him, but that men didn't understand what He brought for them.

So, I'm rethinking the way I view literature. I'm rethinking the way I view movies/TV/etc. There's not much else to say, because I'm truly not proud of myself.

P.S. I did buy and read a great historical fiction romance, though! It's called Borrowed Light by Carla Kelly. It's LDS, just fyi, but it was good. You know how some "fluff" books (and, unfortunately, a lot of LDS ones) you can gloss over the paragraphs and still get the jist of the story? Not this one! Every word is needed. I honestly loved it. And what a contrast to Water for Elephants!