1. My house is an embarrassing mess. Not just the normal "oh, my, it's a tad messy" but HORRID.
2. I have no time to clean it. I try, I try, I try -nothing gets done. I had to, last night, beg and bribe my children to watch a movie and leave me alone because I had to find 30 pictures of our family to send to my brother (don't worry, Jared, mom already knows she's getting the book for Christmas), and blog about the awesome play (which was awesome. Truly!) because Brandon had a gajillion hours of studying he needed to do and he spent all of Saturday putting up Christmas lights and installing a new kitchen faucet for me because he rocks the whole freakin' world (pictures later. Like usual). But did I get just the hour or two I needed to do these things? Nope, nope, nope. Interrupted every 4 minutes by some child. Grrr. Took me four hours! Maybe five!
3. The laundry is to stinkin' high heaven and the minute I turn around to work on it, somebody is hurt, somebody is hungry, somebody needs lovin', somebody stole something from somebody and go hit by the somebody.
4. "I don't want to drink my green smoothie! I don't want to eat your food! I hate vegetables! I don't like it, whine, whine, whine, whine!"
5. People won't return my email and FB message requests for their addresses, so FINE! You won't get a Christmas card this year!!
6. My bathrooms are atrocious. Disgusting. They are in deep need of a deep clean but who has time for that? Me?!? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
7. I need a sitter for four things this month. Four. Three are this week. One sitter has already cancelled, I can't find one for another, and the big one (next weekend) is turning into a joke. I've decided that my children must be terrorizing everyone. Even my regular babysitter told me no two weeks ago (even though it was obvious in her 13 year old voice that she could have done it).
8. How do I stop all the bratty behaviour!? These kids are driving me insane. I try so hard to be patient and patient and patient but the fighting, the yelling, the arguments, the rude remarks --they WON'T. STOP. Time-outs, punishments, etc. --doesn't matter. I'm tempted to look into boarding schools!
9. I get it, okay? I get it. I'm not the only woman with a hard-working husband. I'm so lucky because my hubby has ambition. I should be over-the-moon that he's getting more education. I know! I am! BUT!! My husband doesn't just travel a lot, work long hours, or volunteer for stuff. He also has to study. And relax. And get on a phone call. I've thought about it, and I think that my kids and I maybe see my husband, on average, about 7 hours a week. Maybe. That's when he's NOT traveling. When he's traveling for work and school? Let's see... oh, yeah. NO hours per week. Because he's GONE.
10. I need to hire someone to clean my house. It looks like (from the few people I've talked to, including my aunt and some friends) that the best way is through referral, but I need somebody YESTERDAY to help me. Tears and tears and tears of frustration were cried today when I realized how much I had to do, the problems I had with a Christmas order for my husband, the laundry that won't get done, the toddler that won't stop throwing things around the house, the pre-schooler who won't stop whining, the stupid handle on the drawer in the hallway that I jammed my hand into and the sobbing mess I was when I had to investigate my hand to make sure it wasn't broken, the realization that I may have to cancel all of my plans this week because it's obvious I'm not allowed to ever leave my children's side to do anything. ANYTHING.
11. I WANT/NEED to exercise. Every day. I honestly should be doing at least an hour --at least 20 minutes! But can I get up?! No. I stay up too late because the only time I have 4 seconds to myself is after the kids are in bed ASLEEP. Not just IN BED, but ASLEEP. And so the exercising is gone. Kaput. Which is stupid and ironic because when I exercise I'm HAPPIER. So, why wouldn't I make time to be HAPPIER!?
12. I'm so tired of being told that if I just did "this" or "that" then things would be better. Okay, nobody is telling me this. Honestly, I'm making it up. Because it's ME that is telling me this. I tell myself that I need to make time for THIS (i.e. exercise, time alone, children's instructional/non-T.V and video game time, etc.) and I tell myself that I can figure it out. But guess what, Me?! I CAN'T. I can't do it. I'm stuck in this situation that seems like it will last forever even though I know it won't last forever. I know it won't. I'm so close to the end I can TASTE it. So why am I sabotaging myself?
13. Because of all the above frustrations, I've been self-medicating through spending money. That we don't have. That we DO NOT HAVE. I've redecorated the kitchen (somewhat). I've been shopping earnestly for Christmas. I've been happy to help people and donate and all that crap. What is my problem!? Seriously, what am I thinking!?
14. Writing all of this down in a frenzy has been extremely therapeutic. I'm sure I'll be humiliated beyond reason tomorrow after it's published, but I don't really care. This is the state I'm in right now. It may pass soon, it may hang on forever, but it is what it is. And I needed to vent.
20 comments:
Oh, Cheryl. Someone needs a hug. And a housekeeper. And a day off. I wish I could give you all of those things. Maybe I will pray for you instead. (It's not much, but it's something.)
Oh, Cheryl, keep swimming. The day is bound to get better. Set a couple small goals to get done today and get the kids involved in your exercise routine. Good luck!
Oh, Cheryl! I'm sorry. I thought about sending you my address, but then I decided that I wasn't high enough on your list to warrant you sending me one. Because I hate buying postage (it's so stinking expensive) to mail things, I didn't want you to have to buy more postage on my behalf. As for all the other stuff, I feel your pain. Hang in there! And, don't be ashamed of this post, it's reality and lots of us feel this way, you're just braver than most!
This may sound weird but thank you for posting this. The outside world is so perfect and I am far from it. It is nice to know other people fall apart like I do. I hope your energy can be refueled quickly and this hard time will pass swiftly. When your husband is home more you will want him out of the way so you can do it yourself! Ironic isn't it? Hang in there.
Love it, love you. Calling you, not to cheer you up, who the heck wants that? I'm calling because misery loves company.
Ahhhhh, and I sigh a breath of relief! I have days like this ALL the time, and my plate isn't as full as yours! Thanks for keeping it real and helping me realize we all have days like this! You are doing great just keep your chin up! I wished we lived closer I would a) be your housekeeper and b) watch your kiddos for you and c) be your work out partner, I need one too!
I have one suggestion. For a punishment or consequence, I have been making those who write (which we have 2) write sentences. Liam recently had to write 25 times "I will not scream or bother my brother." If anything, it kept him busy and I was able to calm down enough to talk about it.
Good luck. I am pretty sure we are close to being secretly taped for Hoarders this week. I haven't seen any bugs or critters, but I think they just haven't found us yet.
Oh, and I was being all smart and ordered clothes for my kids with free shipping. However, I did not budget it well and now I am not sure what I will do. I hate finances. I would clean my house all day if someone would just balance my checkbook, pay my bills and tell me every morning what I have to spend.
Cheryl -
I love you and LOVED getting your Christmas card in the mail. My oldest son read it and wants to know why he has never met your kids. He thinks they sound and look "super cool." Why indeed! We need to get together! We'll be out there in January ... we should make plans!
As far as your post - you've got 5 kids - 5 little needy kids (me too!) and for now we are stuck in survival mode. But, somewhere down the line it will all have been worth it. Right?!
Just keep on keeping on, and pray ... lots!
Love, Rachel
Crappy day. You have so much on your plate, my friend. I hope a break comes your way soon.
I like Katie's idea about sentences. I've got to try that.
Your Christmas card was so nice. Your family gets more gorgeous every year.
Love you.
Hang in there! Life is hard sometimes. I wish I could give you a hug. Have the young women come and clean your house as a service project! Love ya!
Hey there. . . what a crazy schedule you have right now! And among all that, you watched my little guy last week. You should have said NO. I've been sick and it has been a blessing in disguise because I've had to say no a few times. Being sick is a good reason. Why can't being a "really busy house-wife, amazing mother, constant maid and healthy chef" also be a good reason to say no? Need help finding a sitter still?
I"m so glad I took you up on your offer for a Christmas card, it came a few days ago and it is Gorgeous! Thanks for taking the time to send it to me, I smile each time I see it. <3
Cheryl...this too shall pass. You have 5 kids under 12 yrs what do you expect.
The yelling ,whinning, etc..will not end for a long time..so become deaf. I got to the point where I put my boys in a room and made them work it out on their own and they couldn't come out until they were friends again. They spent a lot of time in their room. And the sentences is great. My mom did that with us, and I did it with my boys, but not enough because they still have terrible penmanship LOL!
A cleaning person might be the way to go...talk to some of the ladies in the ward that have one...they might have some suggestions.
I will keep you in my prayers too. I wish that I could help you out but life is still kinda crazy right now too. Even with one kid at home I still don't seem to have the time to do what I want and need.
Sending hugs and prayers your way!
xoxo
Hopefully you're having a better day today! We have a "problem jar" and a "service jar"...if they have a problem, they write or color about it and we look at them once a week to problem solve together. The kids actually love it! They get rewarded as a family when they have reached their service goal. It's working for right now...
LOVE YOU ALL. Thank you!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Cheryl, you always seem to have everything together when I see you. Take care of the primary nativity program? No problem. Look amazing while doing it (your new 'do is fabulous)? Check. Watch Liz's kids whenever she asks me? Sure! That's you. I get all feeling sorry for myself because Matt is gone 1-3 nights per week. I ain't got nothin' on what you deal with, and with 2 more kids than me! You are strong. You are amazing. You will overcome. Love ya, nexty. :)
You are not alone! I had one HELL of a day yesterday too (apologies if you prefer no swear words on here) and my one dear friend from faraway called my yesterday and was bawling her eyes out about how overwhelmed she was. Something about the lunar cycle, the time of year, the weather...I just don't know. But, you are definitely not the only housewife who feels like life is spinning out of control. Best wishes to you
Anne Marie-
If it's in the Bible, you're safe! ;)
I got your Christmas card, the first one I received this year! And I loved it, hooray.
I love you.
That is all.
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