1. My house is an embarrassing mess. Not just the normal "oh, my, it's a tad messy" but HORRID.
2. I have no time to clean it. I try, I try, I try -nothing gets done. I had to, last night, beg and bribe my children to watch a movie and leave me alone because I had to find 30 pictures of our family to send to my brother (don't worry, Jared, mom already knows she's getting the book for Christmas), and blog about the awesome play (which was awesome. Truly!) because Brandon had a gajillion hours of studying he needed to do and he spent all of Saturday putting up Christmas lights and installing a new kitchen faucet for me because he rocks the whole freakin' world (pictures later. Like usual). But did I get just the hour or two I needed to do these things? Nope, nope, nope. Interrupted every 4 minutes by some child. Grrr. Took me four hours! Maybe five!
3. The laundry is to stinkin' high heaven and the minute I turn around to work on it, somebody is hurt, somebody is hungry, somebody needs lovin', somebody stole something from somebody and go hit by the somebody.
4. "I don't want to drink my green smoothie! I don't want to eat your food! I hate vegetables! I don't like it, whine, whine, whine, whine!"
5. People won't return my email and FB message requests for their addresses, so FINE! You won't get a Christmas card this year!!
6. My bathrooms are atrocious. Disgusting. They are in deep need of a deep clean but who has time for that? Me?!? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
7. I need a sitter for four things this month. Four. Three are this week. One sitter has already cancelled, I can't find one for another, and the big one (next weekend) is turning into a joke. I've decided that my children must be terrorizing everyone. Even my regular babysitter told me no two weeks ago (even though it was obvious in her 13 year old voice that she could have done it).
8. How do I stop all the bratty behaviour!? These kids are driving me insane. I try so hard to be patient and patient and patient but the fighting, the yelling, the arguments, the rude remarks --they WON'T. STOP. Time-outs, punishments, etc. --doesn't matter. I'm tempted to look into boarding schools!
9. I get it, okay? I get it. I'm not the only woman with a hard-working husband. I'm so lucky because my hubby has ambition. I should be over-the-moon that he's getting more education. I know! I am! BUT!! My husband doesn't just travel a lot, work long hours, or volunteer for stuff. He also has to study. And relax. And get on a phone call. I've thought about it, and I think that my kids and I maybe see my husband, on average, about 7 hours a week. Maybe. That's when he's NOT traveling. When he's traveling for work and school? Let's see... oh, yeah. NO hours per week. Because he's GONE.
10. I need to hire someone to clean my house. It looks like (from the few people I've talked to, including my aunt and some friends) that the best way is through referral, but I need somebody YESTERDAY to help me. Tears and tears and tears of frustration were cried today when I realized how much I had to do, the problems I had with a Christmas order for my husband, the laundry that won't get done, the toddler that won't stop throwing things around the house, the pre-schooler who won't stop whining, the stupid handle on the drawer in the hallway that I jammed my hand into and the sobbing mess I was when I had to investigate my hand to make sure it wasn't broken, the realization that I may have to cancel all of my plans this week because it's obvious I'm not allowed to ever leave my children's side to do anything. ANYTHING.
11. I WANT/NEED to exercise. Every day. I honestly should be doing at least an hour --at least 20 minutes! But can I get up?! No. I stay up too late because the only time I have 4 seconds to myself is after the kids are in bed ASLEEP. Not just IN BED, but ASLEEP. And so the exercising is gone. Kaput. Which is stupid and ironic because when I exercise I'm HAPPIER. So, why wouldn't I make time to be HAPPIER!?
12. I'm so tired of being told that if I just did "this" or "that" then things would be better. Okay, nobody is telling me this. Honestly, I'm making it up. Because it's ME that is telling me this. I tell myself that I need to make time for THIS (i.e. exercise, time alone, children's instructional/non-T.V and video game time, etc.) and I tell myself that I can figure it out. But guess what, Me?! I CAN'T. I can't do it. I'm stuck in this situation that seems like it will last forever even though I know it won't last forever. I know it won't. I'm so close to the end I can TASTE it. So why am I sabotaging myself?
13. Because of all the above frustrations, I've been self-medicating through spending money. That we don't have. That we DO NOT HAVE. I've redecorated the kitchen (somewhat). I've been shopping earnestly for Christmas. I've been happy to help people and donate and all that crap. What is my problem!? Seriously, what am I thinking!?
14. Writing all of this down in a frenzy has been extremely therapeutic. I'm sure I'll be humiliated beyond reason tomorrow after it's published, but I don't really care. This is the state I'm in right now. It may pass soon, it may hang on forever, but it is what it is. And I needed to vent.