Friday, June 04, 2010

Alone


Blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Brandon is currently on a Youth Trek in Wyoming. It feels like the whole ward went, except me. I really wanted to go, too, but with #5 it just didn't make any sense. So, the kids and I are busy doing our thing. As usual.

You would think that Brandon being gone would get easier. I mean, he's been traveling for work for years now, and we've been doing school for over a year. It's supposed to get easier, right?
Wrong.
So, very, very, very wrong.

It's gotten harder. Much harder. People keep saying it will be over soon, but it's hard to swallow that when I'm to the breaking point with the kids. Not having someone to take over is really, really hard. Because here's the irony: Even when he's here, he can't really help. He has to study. Or work. Or serve in his callings.

To be honest, I'm not angry with him about it. It truly can't be helped. I WANT him to be in school. I WANT him to serve in his callings. I WANT him to have a great job! These are good things and a necessary sort of "evil" right now in our lives.

But the exhaustion of raising five kids "alone" is palpable.

And I miss him so much, I ache. I love you, Brandon!

5 comments:

Jill said...

I'm sorry you're alone, Cheryl! It's hard. Where in Wyoming did they go? My parents are serving at Martin's Cove this summer.

bythelbs said...

I am now singing that song in my head. Over and over and over. But not the Heart version, the Glee one with Kristen Chenowith and Mr. Schu. I can't remember his real name. Or how to spell his fictional name. So I'm going with the shorthand.

I don't want my husband to be in school or serve in callings or have a great job. (Wait, that job part is OK as long as he's not traveling.) So, see, look what a great attitude you have! Good for you!

Amber said...

It stinks. It's so hard. I wish I could do somthing to help, but all I have is- I know how you feel. When he gets back take a couple of hours at the bookstore. Come back when the little ones are in bed. He can spare a couple for you. Really. :)

Michelle said...

I think in the end it's good that it's still hard, because that shows how much he matters to you and your family life.

I was thinking about you today. Have some ideas floating in my head. I'll email you.

Laura said...

You said it. I've had my moments of feeling like a single mom and I nearly have break downs with only 2 kids. Having someone to turn things over to (especially on those days where the kids are on one) is such a blessing... and it's so hard on the days that you can't turn things over to daddy.

You're amazing... keep hanging in there!