Abstinence is Not Illogical

WARNING: This blog post will be talking about the subject of sex. If you don't like to talk about STD's or abstinence or sex in general, then skip this post. Seriously. I'm Not Kidding.

First, what started my thought process was this fantastic blog post. Mostly because I completely agree with Janette Rallison. The gist of it is this: STD's are so pervasive in our country, but we ignore it, and YA authors write about teen sex as if there are never any consequences. The consequences of pre-marital sex are tremendous. And Janette is only talking about the physical problems. The emotional ones? Boy-howdy.

My problem with society and condom-giving school systems: Abstinence is seen as "stupid" or "illogical." Well, coming from a virgin who married a virgin, just let me tell you, not only was worth it, but it was completely logical. I have never had an STD, and chances are I never, ever will. Abstinence makes sense. It is the most logical thing in the whole freakin' world. Why? Here are the reasons:

1. No teen pregnancy

2. No STD's

3. No need for an abortion

4. No shame (either because of religion, friends, parents, teachers, peers, etc.)

5. No depressive episodes linked to the fact that the guy/girl you slept with is now having sex with someone else. Or vice versa.

6. No need to start drugs to counteract those depressive episodes from being promiscuous and not knowing why you feel all depressed.

Just #1, #2, and #3 would be enough. I mean, this stuff makes sense, right? Sure, sure, people could use condoms --but STD's still pass through condoms, FYI. Many of them do. So does sperm. You could still get pregnant. Of course, this is all the "fear" part. The "safe" part. Let's talk, too, about the soul part of sex. Society has told us that sex isn't about connecting emotionally --it's just a physical act. There's no risk!

What. Ever.

Sex is the most vulnerable, clumsy, wonderful, and perfect way for an emotional connection between a man and a woman. Every aspect of it makes sense. Men and women fit physically and emotionally because of their differences and the different way in which they experience sex. To say that it doesn't have an effect on your soul is such a lie, I'm fuming! Hollywood (who has so much of the blame) makes sex look fun and mysterious. And simple. Well, hello! What is simple about sex? Let's see:

1. It's messy. Even with a condom. You have to clean up afterwards. Have you ever seen a movie sex scene end with cleaning up? Huh?

2. If you don't use the bathroom (girls) after it's over, then chances are you'll get a UTI. Even then, you could still get a UTI (I know this from experience).

3. It's not always perfect. Practice, practice, practice! Especially the "first" time. I get so mad when songs and movies are all "it was like the first time!" as if that is what we want it to be like. WHAT!? Who wants it to be like the first time again? Come on, crazy people!

4. You are forever, indelibly connected to that person, because you leave a part of your soul with them. Even if you claim you don't, you do. It's impossible not to be.

Sex is awesome, no lie. But it's awesomeness lies in the fact that it is connecting two souls together mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Claiming it doesn't happen doesn't make it true.

Am I sounding vicious, judgemental, and unfeeling about this? You betcha. This is a subject that riles me up like no other, and has since high school. Sex is sacred and vulnerable and a gift from God.

Personal experiences:

*I remember, on my honeymoon, lying next to my sleeping husband and thinking: "If every girl in the world could feel as I feel now, they would never, ever, ever, ever attempt for anything less."

*After getting a UTI, I remember wetting the bed. How embarrassing! How did my new husband react? With patience, kindness, and he comforted me while I cried with humiliation. How would a boyfriend have reacted? Or a one-night stand?

*I lived in California and went in to have an IUD put in. My baby was a couple of months old, so I felt it was time. My exchange with the doctor:

"I need to test you for this list of STD's before I can put it in."

"Why?"
"Just to make sure you don't have any."
"I don't."

"What?"
"I don't need to be tested."
"Why would you know that?"
"Because I was a virgin when I married my husband and he was a virgin."

Shocked expression on her face. "Really?"

"Yeah. And we've been faithful our entire marriage and this is our fourth child."

She pondered for a minute. "Okay, then I guess you can have it put in today!"

Last thoughts:

If you disagree with me on the abstinence thing, that's fine. But I'm warning you --any attempt at debate about this subject will bring out my claws. I will not apologize for teaching my children about the sacredness of sex, nor will I apologize for the messy results that have happened to many friends and family of mine because of their choice to engage in sexual relations outside of marriage. I have seen too many diseases, abortions (yes, abortions), divorces, unwanted pregnancies, teen mothers, and spiraling behavior due to this. I've had friends whose behavior changed so drastically after just one sexual experience that they were never the same. I've seen entire futures and careers being chosen due to sex outside of marriage. I've seen broken homes, broken parents, and broken lives. I've seen it start with sex and then end up with drugs. This is not something I'm just pulling out of the air because my religion teaches me about abstinence. This is something I have experienced through the lives of those around me. I will not apologize for my stance. I can't. And I won't.

Rant Over.