Monday, February 22, 2010

If Only

My just-about-7-month-old now has a tooth (as you know) and won't take a bottle (as you know) and refuses the binky (although I may try again) and hates to sleep in his crib (unless I trick him and put him in it right after nursing and he ends up sleeping for almost 3 hours but then he realizes where he is and he freaks out and then we do it all over again). We've tried Ferberizing him, but it's not working this time (and believe you me, I'm a big fan of Ferber because it worked with our other four children). And co-sleeping is killing my back and my head and my arms's just not working out very well. In fact, I hate it. But getting up and down three times a night isn't working out very well, either, even though that doesn't hurt my back nearly as much. What can I say? We have a queen. So, the dilemma continues. And needless to say, I'm tired. Very tired.

Today, I was sitting here lecturing myself that I should be getting the safety/emissions on the van instead of being lazy and being on the computer (regardless of the good things I was doing) and then I wondered if I would be less tired if I just started exercising again, as per my promise to Alison Wonderland, and I realized it would. So, I ordered the following as a birthday present to me (because it's my birthday this week, yo!):

Master Your Metabolism: The 3 Diet Secrets to Naturally Balancing Your Hormones for a Hot and Healthy Body by Jillian Michaels
Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred DVD

Yeah, yeah. I know. But I need a swift kick and new ideas always help me in the swift-kicking department.

And I know I keep boring the public with my drivel about my inability to lose weight and such, but I'm a tad obsessed right now. I'm obsessed because I keep failing. But all of my failure led me to write this for the neighborhood newsletter this week, so it's not all bad, right?:

By the end of February, most of us have stopped working on our New Year’s Resolutions. January is full of promise and resolve, but after a month or so, the resolve gets in the way, our goals are too ambitious, we never really wanted to change after all.

I have been thinking of late as to why the things we want most in life take the most work. Being healthy means eating right, exercising, and staying away from temptations. Getting good grades means attending class, studying hard, and getting enough sleep. Learning a new skill (such as playing an instrument or sport) means hours and hours of practicing. Maintaining faith in God requires dedication, practicing what we preach, and consistent prayer. All of these things take work. Lots of work.

Goals, in and of themselves, are nothing if there is not a plan made. Goals are also nothing if we don’t work to follow through with those plans. But the point, I believe, is not to begrudge the hard work, but to just keep trying. Sure, the New Year’s resolutions may fall flat before the grass turns green, but where is it written that new goals can only be made and accomplished in January? Making goals in May or August or November are just as important. If we fail in our efforts, we get up again. We try again. And again, and again. We only fail when we stop trying. It may take us a thousand tries before our goal becomes a reality, but in the end, it will be worth it. And we will have had a thousand reasons to be grateful.

However, if a goal seems to be taking more than a thousand tries to reach, perhaps there are other things in play. Anthony J. D’Angleo once said that “when solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves.” If you can’t seem
to get healthy, figure out what is holding you back. If you won’t fit in piano practice, find out why. If you are failing math, go back and find where it got hard. If your faith in God is faltering, find where doubt first started. We cannot expect to succeed if we
keep “hacking at the leaves.” We must find out why we do the things we do, and
in order to succeed, we must change them. Then it won’t matter if we succeeded in January or February or even March. We will succeed in December, and be just as joyful!

It is a mistake to suppose that people succeed through successes; they often succeed through failures. ~Author Unknown

~The Editor

So, there you go. We're all failures that are learning from failure and moving on and getting stronger and stuff. In my case, it would be easy for me to say "If only my baby slept through the night..." "If only I didn't have children..." or "if only I didn't have as many children..." or "if only I lived here or there..." or "if only, if only, if only" and then EVERYTHING would be fine.

But it's not true. Because no matter how many "if only's" came true, I would still be stuck with hard stuff. Hard stuff doesn't go away, no matter the life, the location, or the luck. In fact, I bet you a bazillion bucks that if I was super-healthy and thin I would still be saying "if only..."

But I bet you I'd still like it! ;)


Kimberly said...

Happy Birthday Cheryl! 30 day shred is great. Love it!
I have lots of thoughts on weight loss and young babies and co-sleeping and nursing that I'll keep mostly to myself, but I know that exact combination of the above never worked for me....I just needed to be patient and wait til my kid was older (like now, 18 months) to try and tackle my weight. Excuses are excuse, yes, but some are good excuses, you know! Love ya!

Gio, Judi and Boys said...

thank you cherly/editor...
i love it.
co sleeping worked for me with Robert, but not Brian...i just learned to get up with him and be sleep deprived and now i am fine with sleep deprivation...don't know what ferber is, but my doctor told me that if brian's diaper was changed, he was fed, burped, etc...that no baby ever died crying and to let him learn to cry himself to sleep. it took about 2 months and a sleep deprived family, but we did it! good luck! that is one of the reason's i only have two (not really!)
as for weight..a contstant battle. i am failing much stress with robert leaving and gio out of a job...i need to think about me, but can't right now..hopefully things will calm down..
ia agree with kimberly, some times they are excuses, but they are real...
right now i'm working on the spiritual side of things. i need that more!

Heather said...

Just a thought: were you breastfeeding #4 when you lost the weight before? While some women (not me) lost a TON of weight breastfeeding, others (like me) physically CANNOT lose it while breastfeeding. It's as if my body is trying to retain every calorie, every ounce of fat just "incase" the baby needs it. Once I'm done, my body reacts to weight loss efforts much more effectively.

Just a thought.

Love, Heather

Cardalls said...

also don't be too hard on yourself while nursing, while co-sleeping, and while sleep deprived. a time and a season for all things...give yourself a break girl!

Never A True Aggie said...

Cheryl, I swear my little Adam and your little guy had some conversations in heaven. "Let's be super cute, but never let our mom's sleep!" I am having the EXACT same problem, minus the bottle. That we got down. In fact, he now shakes his hand when he wants it (as an indicator of shaking the formula). Pacifier...he will throw it. I have about 5 of these behind my bed somewhere., so. We need LOTS of distraction. Sleeping has gotten better. He still wakes about twice a night. I can get a long stretch from 8 PM until about 1 AM. Then he is up again around 4 AM and then 6 or 7 when we get up. Ugh! He is sleeping better in his crib, but I do a bunch of things that are probably not recommended.

First...Flannel sheets. Soft flannel that does not feel cold to a warm body that is fast asleep. I noticed a big difference between the plain cotton and then the flannel. I put a pillow between the sheet and the mattress. I know...I am tempting fate here, but if he survived the pillows in my bed, I think it will be ok. We bought a sound machine at Target that has worked pretty well. It has a heartbeat function that seems to be working. It helps keep out the other sounds more then I think lull him into sleep. It was about $40, but it was worth it. His crib is in our room and I think he will do better once I move him out, but Karrie is coming to visit and so I need the space in the boys room before I move him in.

Good luck! I know it is struggle. I think I crave sleep more then chocolate.

Alison Wonderland said...

We've discussed this in person (or at least on the phone) so I have no new recommendations. But if I could I would carry you up god's thumb and sing you the song and eat onions and peaches with you. I'm just sayin'.

Tamilisa said...

Cheryl, I think you are wonderful!! oh man, I fail over and over again too in getting projects accomplished. I think everyone does though. And look how many people I've dated and it hasn't worked out!! I think we just move foward! Onward and upward. I think you are amazing. I always look up to you! We all need to get together again soon. I wonder what Andrea is up to and how she is doing. I should email her. Talk to you soon!

Kevin and Lisa said...

Happy Birthday and Jillian is going to whoop you. I love that DVD. Be prepared to not walk for the next two days. (I'd start everything without the weights!)