Thursday, October 01, 2009

In My Head Tonight

The cat is sitting on my lap as I type; it's strangely comforting. I say strangely because I usually don't let him sit on my lap because of my allergies. He misses Brandon, though, and so do I. So, we're comforting each other.
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My sister is being induced tomorrow. She is a few days over her due date and has never had to be induced before. Of course, she could always go into labor tonight...but it's nice to know her son will be born by tomorrow. It's her third boy and I can't wait to see him!
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Today I took the day off. I didn't do much. Taught a piano lesson here and there, did carpool, fed the kids, changed diapers, supervised homework, etc. That's about it. I stayed in my pajamas and I watched TV (doh!) and ate some cookies. I shouldn't feel guilty (since I need a day off every once in a while) but tomorrow I'm having some guests, and Brandon comes home Saturday night and the house is right mess. Disgusting, really. But I do this, you know. I save all the housecleaning and laundry for one day of the week for some reason. Why do I do this? I have no idea. But the kids have already been warned --tomorrow is chore day! Which lines up nicely since it's early-out day at school.
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Tomorrow morning I'm meeting with a psychiatrist. So far the Zoloft seems to be working, but I want to make sure I'm doing what I should be doing (plus get a few therapist referrals!). I'm a tad nervous, though. I need to take the baby, but I'm hoping he won't need to nurse while I'm there. I'm also nervous that I'll break down and treat the psychiatrist like a therapist, which probably won't help. I don't know.
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Did you know it was 90 degrees on Tuesday, and then Wednesday morning we woke up to a high of 45 degrees? The snow does look pretty in the mountains, but I'm not ready for winter. Not yet! Autumn just arrived!
Sigh. I hate Utah weather.
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I still haven't been able to figure out my schedule. I don't know how to fit in exercise or work or callings or kids or whatever else I need to do without completely stressing myself out. So, I'm taking it more slowly, and focusing on the important things like nursing the baby. And taking a shower most days. I want to be better at the chores and the house and myself, but I realize that right now my focus really needs to be on getting better and taking care of my children. This means --for now --that it's okay to take days like today; it's okay to say no to things.
Right?
I mean, I keep telling myself it's okay, but myself isn't really buying it.
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I fell in love with my husband again last night. Although he was in London and I was here and we were simply chatting over gmail, I felt so close to him. The funny part is we were just chatting about a possible school class for him to take, and talking about opportunities that would actually make him busier --but for me, it was proof that we were meant to be together, and it was awesome! Simply awesome.

7 comments:

Amanda D said...

It is definitely okay to say no. Keep saying no, Cheryl. You'll have plenty of time to say yes later. Your kids are only small for so long.

There's nothing wrong with saving up your cleaning and laundry for one day a week. If it's working (not broken), then don't fix it!

Good luck with your appointment this morning.

Amber said...

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. That's always nice. You have a lot on your plate- as if I need to tell you that. :) I agree to keep saying no. Amanda makes a good point in that there will be plenty of time to say yes. You and I are alike in our putting off things to be done. It's not always a bad thing- and if Kevin were out of town- I'd would do just as you are.
Good thoughts for your appointment. I hope it goes well too.

SHELLS BELLS! said...

Wishing you well at the psychiatrist appointment. Please know that they often are seen as a therapist and people tell all. Also, knowing as much info about medical and mental health will only improve upon what the psychiatrist may suggest to you. As a social worker who interacts with many psychiatrists, I firmly believe that psychiatrists can play a vital role when dealing with depression along with seeing a therapist. And with that, I'll stop hogging your comment page :)

blogging and bliss~ said...

Glad to hear you are doing better. Taking one day at a time when your kids are little is just what you should do. I feel that madness sometimes when you can't seem to move off the couch but you look around and everything bugs you you see all the work that you are not doing. Madness I tell you. But your babies grow up and then everything gets done. So take the time enjoy and just remember to take that shower that is your you time! Everyone has gotta have some of that!

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

Hugs coming your way! Hang in there, and enjoy the little baby for me...those times go too fast.
PS-When people visit someone with a newborn, they expect to see messiness and even a bit of disgusting-ness. I say sit down, love on that baby, and try not to drop any cookie crumbs on him. :)

Stephanie said...

Your house will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next year. #5 will only sit in your arms and smile at you for a very limited time. Pretty soon, he'll want to play all day, and you might only get snuggles every once in a while. Enjoy the smiles and cuddles!! Oh, and I hope every day that no one looks too closely at my kitchen floor.

Brandon said...

Ah, I love you too, sweetie!!!