Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Trying Not to Worry

It is precisely 5:26AM. And I can't sleep.

I've been up since 4:44AM, when my mind forced my body awake. We don't have to be to the hospital until 7:00AM, but for some reason, I'm especially anxious today.

I shouldn't be nervous, but I am. I shouldn't have concerns or fears, but I do. And what I'm finding to be the most nerve-wracking and concerning is not labor and delivery itself, but life AFTER the baby arrives. I would by lying if I said I'm not scared for the immediate future with a new infant.

One would think that after having four children, having another is just...normal. Perhaps one would think that I'm "used" to having babies, and therefore one more isn't going to change anything. But oh, dear reader, how wrong one would be to think in that way! Each child brings such a new dynamic to the family, to the routine, to the mind/heart --as s/he should, because each person is important. But more than this, I think I'm scared of the unknown:
*Will I get Postpartum Depression with this one?
*Will he be colicky?
*Will I have the support I need to make it through the next 6 weeks?
*Will all my optimism I've been bragging about fly out the window when I realize I truly cannot do it all?
*Will my other children suffer and turn to resentment?

I've been praying all morning that my mind will relax so I can get through labor without the tension I'm feeling. I don't mean to worry about things I cannot control --in fact, I try really hard not to. I don't want worry or fear to dominate this day, either.

So, I'm writing to get this out. Then I'm going to pray some more, ask Brandon for a blessing, take a long shower, and calm my nerves. Because no matter what happens after the baby is born --no matter what he and I have to face together --I will be eternally grateful for him. I'm anxious to meet him! I want to hold him in my arms, smell his sweet head, kiss his face, and know that he was meant to be a part of our family.
In fact, now as I'm writing about him specifically, I'm feeling calmer and calmer...

Wish us luck! I'm sure there will be a post later tonight with all the details.

29 comments:

Annette Lyon said...

Hon, it'll all work out. Any or all of the above *could* happen, but not all of them, and you'll have the support system you need to get through any of it. You'll recognize the symptoms of PPD, for example, and know how to get help. Write it all out. Remember, we're here for you.

Good luck today bringing your little guy into the world!

Rochelleht said...

Good LUCK!!!

Tammy said...

I've found we all, including myself, spend too much time on what I call the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" Something should've happened or what could happen scenarios. I know your wqorries and my prayers are speeding towards you. May your road be smooth until you are ready to handle the bumps....we all know there will be bumps!!! Hang in there...your bleachers are full of your cheering section!!!

Brandon said...

What a cool world we live in... first, Internet on planes... now, Internet in hospitals!

So... I'll try to post play-by-plays here as Cheryl allows.

We're in the hospital, she's already strapped up to the monitors and she's currently answering the litany of questions from the nurse. Apparently it was a pretty busy night/morning here in the hospital, and they've already had a *lot* of people come in. They've been saving the *last* room for her appointment, and we got here before an impromptu delivery stole it. Hooray!

So, stay tuned and I'll keep you updated. :)

How do you all like the name Ichabod? ;)

Gio, Judi and Boys said...

Cherly and Brandon...
so happy for both of you! if you need anything, please, please call me. I'll try to do my best and call, but if I don't, please call me. You have my number. My days are pretty free.
You'll do great Cheryl, and you do have a great support system...most of all your Father in Heaven. I know you'll remember He's there, and the rest of us are here.
Love to you both!!!

SHELLS BELLS! said...

Thinking of you today!

Kim said...

I was going to wish you good luck Cheryl but as I did I thought to myself, she doesn't need luck she is an amazingly strong woman with an amazingly strong faith in the Lord, and he will get her through! Speed bumps and all! I do hope your worries were put to rest before you got to the hospital so you can soak in this day to remember it always! I can't wait to hear about the arrival of your little one.

FluffyChicky said...

Ditto what Kim said! Can't wait to hear more news!!

Brandon said...

Water: broken. Sittin' in a chair, waiting for progress. There's been a few contractions, but nothing regular or too intense. She's bored.

Alison Wonderland said...

Yay Cheryl! Yay Brandon! Yay baby!

Don't worry you'll do great and we're all here for you.

flip flop mama said...

I totally felt the same way when I was getting ready to have a baby two months ago. Yay for blessings. What would we do without the priesthood.

Sounds like things are going well. Good luck!

Cardalls said...

Ichabod....nickname...Icky? not so much.

GOOOO Cheryl!

Susan M said...

Yay for Internet in hospitals! Tell Cheryl we're all thinking of her and if she's bored, there's always youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtX8nswnUKU

Rebekah said...

Good luck Cheryl and Brandon! We love you and are excited to have another new nephew!!!

bythelbs said...

Ha! I just got through e-mailing Susan about how not worried and anxious you sounded on the phone and how worried and anxious I always was. It actually makes me feel better to hear you say this. So thanks. And now I should say something to make you feel better...

In the immortal words of Bob Marley, "Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be all right." Really. Now go birth a baby!

Tamra said...

more updates, Brandon!

Brandon said...

Cheryl is in labor... but last measured at a 3. Contractions are coming every 2-3 minutes, and she's unable to speak during the peak. The midwife says the progression is going good.

Brandon said...

Hmmm... not a lot of progress. They've cranked up the Oxytocin to 18 ml/hr. Contractions are fairly regular, but not as long (45 s) as they want them to be (1 m). Sigh.

Brandon said...

No real progress... :(

Oxytocin is at the max: 20 ml/hr

Brandon said...

Things are starting to heat up... contractions getting much stronger and closer together... probably will be the last post until things "pop".

Brandon said...

Baby #5 arrived at 5:08 PM. 9lb3oz (we'll nickname him "Tiny"), 21"

Lots of dark hair like his siblings...

Name forthcoming...

brenbot said...

Yay! Thanks for the updates!

Alison Wonderland said...

Yay yaa yay!! Congrats guys!

SHELLS BELLS! said...

Yay! Congratulations and I love the name.

Brandon said...

Full name removed... email Cheryl if you want to know it. :)

Cheryl says, "Woo-hoo! I finaly get to eat!"

Ann said...

WOO HOO!!!! I've been checking all day! Thanks for the updates, Brandon.

And CONGRATULATIONS to all of you!

Susan M said...

Congratulations! Good job, Cheryl!

Julie said...

Great job, Cheryl!!!!!! I haven't been online all day so I'm catching up now! I've been thinking about you now!
Hope you enjoyed your good meal! That's always my favorite thing!

Congratulations to the family of 7 now!

Amber said...

The bestestestest of luck, my dear. We'll be tuning in and praying for you!