Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Choosing to Be Happy Today, People!

So, last week I wrote about how my Depression was sooo much better. I wrote how I was elated and happy and glad to be out of the "funk", right? I admitted to the world I was practically cured! I was happy! Joyful! So full of loveliness and all that crap!

Yeah, shouldn't jinx oneself with words of happiness.

And don't get me wrong --I'm not one for believing in the jinxing! I know my happiness isn't based on specific situations or an occasional bad day or what-not, but since Sunday? My week just keeps getting worse.
It's all that responsibility crap --you know? The power thing? From Spider-man? That Brandon reminded me of? That if I'm happy, the kids are happy? Yeah --that one. And so, here I am, having some bad days, so my patience is massively thin, and I'm getting behind on everything and I'm so exhausted (so tired, dear reader. So tired. None of my children will nap anymore, but three of them are around during "nap time", so sneaking in a good amount of sleep for this growing belly of mine is not working very well) and nothing seems to get done.
And the kids whine.
And I yell.
And they whine some more.
And I cry.
And they fight.
And I yell.
And lather, rinse, repeat.

Even Book Club last night didn't remove the Funk--and that's when you know it's serious!

So, I have decided, right this moment, that I will not give in (although, like JustRandi, I so want to give in! I want to wallow for weeks...not that she is wallowing, she just seems to know how I feel right now...). I am going to blast some music, I'm going to clean my kitchen, I'm going to do some laundry, and then I'm going to play with my kids.
And maybe read a bit. And write a page in my novel.
And then put my kids in front of a movie and nap next to them.
Because if there's anything I've learned from my Depression, it's that I can't allow myself to even dip my toe into the waters of self-pity --because although it's the shallow end, sharks are lurking and will grab me.
And I won't stand a chance.

Hey, so what do you do to get yourself out of a funk? How do YOU choose to be happy? What's the best way you've found that gives you a boost of self-worth/esteem and gets you going?


Kelly said...

I started something just last week, so I'm still in the honeymoon phase, ask me in another week if it has worn off and I'm back to being hopeless, but for now, here is what I am doing:

I have a little notebook next to my bed. Before I fall asleep, I write "What did not work today" Monday's Not Work was, our Monday schedule is packed with carpools. By the time I get the last child home at 8:45, we have FHE and everyone goes upstairs, it's 10 p.m. before I'm even starting on the dinner dishes. And that makes me crazy at 4 p.m. because I know that is how the day is going to end so I start stressing and lashing out at people at 4 p.m. 4-10 p.m. didn't work on Monday.

Then I wrote my plan for next Monday to fix what didn't work. Next Monday, I am going to pack sack lunches for dinner. People can eat their sack lunch in the car while we pick up and drop off people, or they can sit at the table when they are home, but there won't be any prep or dinner dishes to clean up. We still won't have FHE until 9 and people still won't be off to bed until 10, but at 10 my chores won't be looming. I think it will help!

Then I write "What DID work" because you have to end on a positive note. I had an art project waiting for Q when she got home from school. She needs some channeling and direction then. I had some papers and drawing supplies set up on the kitchen table and explained to her she could draw while I started dinner and we'd talk together. She loved it, and our usual Q home from school an hour before the boys makes her needy and whiny hour was pleasant!

Then I write one happy thing about each child. Like something funny Q said, or something the boys did, for instance, "Oldest said he didn't turn on the TV while I was gone, he was reading instead." For one particular child, it actually started out HARD to come up with one little thing, but now I keep my eyes open for something I can write down, and it helps me to notice the good things and makes me like him more!

Really, the whole thing takes me all of 5 minutes and maybe one page in the notebook (unlike the novel I just wrote here, I don't have to explain every step to my journal!)

Anyway, it's what I have started doing to end my day with constructive meditation rather than beating myself up over all I didn't accomplish or all the yelling I did. And it helps me see my kids in a more positive light!

Julie P said...

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. Hang in there.

Julie said...

Wow -- I love Kelly's idea. Awesome.

I love you so much for this post. Yesterday was a terrible day for me and I wallowed for a good little while in it.

But today, I got up and showered, got dressed, and got ready and promised myself that today would be better. It is.

And PBSKids was invented so moms could catch a nap -- at least that's what I tell myself! :)

Sure do love you!

Cardalls said...

LOVE the journal idea..that is awesome! I used to have a "joy" journal where I would write down things that brought me joy for the day. It really did work, I think I need to bring it out again!

Desi said...

If you figure it out let me know, I could use some help too :)

blogging and bliss~ said...

A clean house... That always makes me a happy mom... I love to have all my ducks in a row and everything done. I just don't always do that. I am probably on it about 20% of the time and the rest of the time I am mean and nasty to my family because my house is messy... yeah it is that bad. I had a great friend who could always tell when I got in that mood and would help me and lift me. I wish she just didn't move away from me.

Emily & Co. said...

If I have time I try to get out and do something fun to really connect w/my kids (that always helps) like go on a bike ride, head out to the beach (sometimes we just go for 30 min. until I can handle facing everything else), or play at the park (me running and chasing them). A good run always helps, too...and (of course) my favorite is making oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough. It's a good short-term fix.

Amber said...

Well, Dr.Laura doesn't always make everyone happy but sometimes- she does come up with a really good one that becomes my mantra for a little while. Her latest:
Actions change feelings.
I love it. It applies in SO many ways. That's what I'm repeating to myself these days when I'm feeling down. Sounds like you are on the right track with the getting up and moving stuff. :)

Alison Wonderland said...

Here's something that will work everytime. Come see me!

JustRandi said...

Kelly's idea is great! It reminds me of when I did Oprah's gratitude journal. Just write down 3 things every night you're thankful for. It really did change my outlook.

Cheryl said...

Kelly -
I LOVE this idea! Let me know if you keep it going...

Lots of great ideas, ladies! Love 'em...

m_and_m said...

Kelly's idea sounds a lot like something that can be molded into Elder Bednar's counsel. I have been doing that kind of thing, but not formally writing everything down. I try to analyze what worked and didn't, and try to do better tomorrow. And remember that "mortality is messy" and that's why we have the atonement.

And sometimes, I just kind of hold on and push through those down times, because they just come sometimes.