...my husband accompanying me singing a simple arrangement of "Come Thou Fount" at Enrichment Meeting with only a day's notice to prepare even though I haven't sung a solo since college. And doing a good job. And remembering how much solo singing can be terrifying and therapeutic all at the same time.
...baking a loaf of banana bread (using the best recipe ever) for the first time in a year.
...bonding with a friend through a random music video even though she didn't know it at the time.
...making a pot roast dinner just for the heck of it.
...accompanying the most adorable 5th and 6th grade choir in their first concert of the year.
...talking on the phone with a good friend.
...helping my 5 year old learn to read.
...reading scriptures as a family on mom and dad's bed.
...feeling hope in the face of an enormous difficulty.
...teaching a piano student how to read the Circle of 5ths and watching her eyes when she finally understands it; seeing the "click" in a literal sense.
...helping my 4 year old write his name.
...reading The Mother In Me and bawling my eyes out. And loving it.
...knowing that although I have 30 emails to respond to and approximately 87 blog posts to read, my friends still love me and will forgive me. They will forgive me because they know I have found myself a groove of "living" that now takes up more time than usual. They will realize that although I love them, my children and husband are happier because I have found myself desiring to serve them in the last few months. I no longer cringe at the thought of housework (maybe still laundry!) or planning meals, and I enjoy helping my children. I see my life a little differently; I try to focus on what I am grateful for and I ignore the parts illicit self-pity. My depression episodes are getting shorter and shorter. The part that amazes me the most reflects upon the fact that "she who loses her life shall find it" and "serving others helps us forget about ourselves" and "somehow happiness is found outside of ourselves."
It's not perfect; I'm not perfect. But just knowing --just knowing --that I enjoy this new-found, old-as-time idea of service toward my family?
That is Real Happiness.