I was talking with a newlywed the other day [to protect the innocent, I won't mention names or how I know this person, but if they are reading, I hope they know I love them very, very much!], and it got me thinking:
Was I like this when I was a newlywed? So wrapped up in the other person that my views of reality were kind of skewed and had I known what I know now would I have been so quick to say things and make promises that are so unrealistic and not even remotely possible??
Was I like that?
Part of me hopes I was smart and savvy, realistic and knowledgeable that even though Brandon promised to be a millionaire by the time he turned 30 (he's now almost 32, cough-cough) and vowed he would never go on a business trip without me (Bwahahahahahaha!) I knew those promises would never be true.
But the other part of me --the memory part of me --knows that I was exactly like every other newlywed with stars in their eyes. I had it all mapped out, our future, and it was perfect. Of course it was perfect! How could it not be perfect?
Wanna know what it was, this future of ours?
Here was the plan:
Brandon and I would finish school; I would get my undergraduate degree in Secondary Music Education. Brandon would graduate with his Business degree (ISYS emphasis) and then we would move to San Jose, CA so he could get his MBA at Stanford. He would get an amazing job and we would move to Southern CA, living in the same community where he grew up. We would have six boys and four girls (not in that order; all mixed up, of course) and when Brandon became a millionaire (or billionaire) at age 30, he'd retire, get his pilot's license, and we would travel the world. This is when I would start my career as a high school choir teacher and spend 20 years in that profession. We'd later serve a mission in Australia --the place where Brandon served his mission and where we would have vacationed many, many times. Later, we would serve missions in England (where we spent a few years while I wrote a few best-sellers), Africa (where we had vacationed), and India (because we love the food). After all of our children grew up, served honorable missions, married in the Temple and provided us with 60 plus grandchildren, we would die peacefully in each other's arms at the age of 85. Or so. Throughout this life, Brandon would never go on a business trip without me; I would be the best homemaker in the world. I would learn to like sewing, gardening, canning, and --gasp! Laundry. We would be the home where our children would bring their friends and we would be known only as "The cool parents." We would never fight, Brandon would bring me flowers weekly, and I would make his lunch and iron his shirts.
Dude. I have to stop. I can't stop laughing!
Yeah, so the last 10 years has thrown most of that out the window. I think the only thing we actually did was that Brandon got his degree in Business with an ISYS emphasis.
Yep. That's it.
I hate laundry, can't sew, and kill every plant that I touch. I graduated with a Marriage and Family degree. We have four children, might have another, and we live in Utah. Brandon will hopefully get his EMBA within the next few years, but we will stay put while he does it. He brings me flowers occasionally, and I hate to iron his shirts. We've never been back to Australia, or to England, but we have been to Mexico and Hawaii. We fight a lot, people (stubborn Red personalities that we have!), but it's better than it was --that's the key, I think. The fact that it's getting better, and it is! I've suffered through weight problems and depression; Brandon has suffered through his own weight problems and my depression (ha!), and there's no guarantee our cute kids are going to turn out the way we hope they will. Brandon will never get his pilot's license (I'm serious, Brandon. You are not flying small planes! I mean it! Add this to the "no motorcycles" rule), and we probably won't die in each other's arms, darn it!
So, you see? Things rarely turn out the way we think they will; that's just a fact of life. But I wouldn't have changed it for anything. If I knew then what I know now, then I wouldn't have had the experience to teach me what I know now, capische?
To all those newlyweds out there: Keep those stars in your eyes. Just don't be surprised if nothing turns out the way you want/expect it to, including the person you married. It's not a bad thing or a wrong thing, it's just this crazy little thing we call mortal life.
P.S. Marriage takes work. If it doesn't take work for you (either now or eventually), then either one of you is lying, or one of you is being repressed/abused. I'm serious.
P.P.S. I could go on about this all day long, having majored in it and all, but I'll save it for another post.
So, dear reader, are things different now from when you were a newlywed? Have things turned out exactly like you had planned? Exactly opposite?