I always thought I would make a great youth leader in the Church. I'm fun, peppy, but serious when needed, you know? I figured I would be those types of Young Women's leaders who girls talk about later in life (like how I talk about my YW's leader, Rozla), and I would just love, love, love the energy and excitement of working with teenagers.
Wow. I was wrong.
Oh, it's not that I didn't enjoy Youth Conference. On the contrary! It was fabulous! In fact, at one point, I found myself surrounded by 14 or so young women who kept asking me questions:
What were some of the best dates you went on in high school?
What were some of the worst dates you ever had?
How did you meet your husband?
How did he propose?!
It was fun to sit (in inner tubes, on a lake, no less) and talk and laugh with these girls. The best part (and I would be lying if this didn't make me proud) was that I could tell them about 90% of my dating life without being embarrassed (I totally didn't tell them the 10%; they didn't need to hear, at that moment, the stupid things I did. I'll save that for later!). I enjoyed the time I spent with these young women, during our "down" time. They truly are/were remarkable and it was great. It was!
But by the end of the weekend, I realized the truth --I'm not cut out to be a youth leader in our Church. I'm too emotional (Do they like me? What if they hate me?) and it's all very, very exhausting. On many levels. Like spiritual levels, and emotional levels, and mental levels, and physical levels. I know some adults who love working with the youth because they make them feel young again (which, ironically, I quipped "You guys make me feel 17 again!" to the girls after our dating discussions), but after three days of youth conference, I was so exhausted! I realized I didn't feel younger; I felt old and worn out. And I'm not even 30 years old!
Ah, well. This doesn't even matter, you know. I've never been a youth leader. Brandon has always worked with the Young Men (over 6 years --the entire time we've been in a family ward), and I have never worked with the Young Women until this very short Youth Conference calling (which we were released from last week). I've always done Relief Society, Primary, or Music, and I used to be sad because I had never been called to be in the YW. But now? After this? I think I'm actually okay with it. I wouldn't do a very good job of it, and so I'm perfectly content to serve in other areas of the Church.
In fact, now I just want a calling. Any calling! Can anyone explain to me why I have been back in our ward for 4 months and haven't been given a calling? I mean, my son is in nursery now; it's not like I just had a baby or something. What gives? I'm trying to be patient....patient...patient...Some people have told me to just enjoy it. Enjoy what, though? Being the permanent substitute for myriads of callings because I have the time? Enjoy no responsibility? I'm just afraid (seriously, I'm kind of scared here, people) that the Lord is making me wait so that my desire of wanting a calling will increase and increase and increase, and then when He gives me a calling, I won't say no. Not that I would have said no, but what kind of calling is it going to be?? That I have to be prepped so well for it?? Makes me a tad nervous, you know...
Do you work well with the youth? What callings do you enjoy the most? The least? Any guesses at to what calling the Lord is prepping me for? Because I have no idea!