Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Kind of a sad day

It's amazing how I am completely affected by others' reactions, perceptions, and treatment of me.

Everyone wants to have approval. I'm sure of this, because we live in a world of HUMANS. However, we don't need everyone's approval. Just some. And hopefully, from those that we love and respect.

I'm trying not to let it rule my life. I'm trying to stop myself from crying and eating lots of comfort food when I have lost someone's respect. Golly, even when I've lost a sliver of approval, really. I'm trying not to let it get me down, but it sure is hard to see yourself as a disappointment to somebody. The crazy part is, I may not have disappointed anyone. I may still have their respect. But when I feel that maybe I have lost it, there go the symptoms of clinical depression again.

~sigh~ Could you please pass the bag of chips?


bec said...

ah, the dilema of every kind-hearted woman it seems. Supposed infractions tear you to the core and beat you down mercilously with your seeming worthlessness and incompetance. Hogwash! Those are destructive thoughts and only come from one place. All I can say is the only thing that has gotten me through those situations have been an increase in my study of scriptures, copious prayer and realizing that I'm human, have faults, can forgive and be forgiven, have a divine purpose that is not suited to wallowing in pity or sorrow (which helps neither you nor the person whom you've supposedly offended)and that my husband still thinks I'm an amazing woman, despite the crazies.

Cheryl said...

Not sure how to respond to that, really. I mean, I already know destructive thinking is unhealthy. But I'm also a realist. It's easy to say "wow, I'm great", but allowing myself 30 seconds of pity and sorrow instead can help me tweak my perspective just enough to get over it. Besides, increase in scripture study isn't possible when the pity arises at 11AM and then leaves by Noon... :)

But thank you. I know what you meant... :)

bec said...

I think you would not be normal if you didn't feel that guilt and concern for others and what they think. You're lucky you only dwell on it for 1/2 hour...i'm usually stuck in guilty feeling mode (depending on the offense) for a good half day to a week before my hubby says, enough! or i get to work something out with the person. I think the comment was more a pep talk for me than you, my dear. But, thanks for allowing me the space. However, I be DH still thinks you're amazing despite your crazies too.

Cheryl said...

You're sweet. :)

Hey, I hear ya, because to be completely honest, I have my weeks, too. And your advice was spot on for the long haul.