I am one of those people who don't get "offended" by what people say at church. I profess to be more concerned with my own salvation then running into someone who has offended me at church. But now I'm starting to understand why people want to leave --at least for a while.
Okay, it's really quite stupid, but today I called a new teacher to talk about "new teacher" stuff. She'll be with our Sunbeams (3 yr olds) and we're still trying to get her a co-teacher (there are 11 Sunbeams!). At first I thought the conversation was going okay --but soon realized that it was NOT.
Long story short (don't need to get into the messy details here), she hung up on me. What made it worse, is I was about say, with great sincerity "What would you like me to do to help you better?" I got to the "would" and she said she was too busy, and hung up on me.
I balled for an hour.
It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the following:
She spoke to me like a child (she is old enough to be my mother --maybe older), she refused to budge on her position, she basically accused me of not wanting to help her, DH has been gone for 3 days, I'm 2 weeks from delivering, I'm stressed to the max with Primary and planning my 10 yr. reunion, and I've been pretty exhausted this week without DH to help. So I called my secretary, balled to her and asked her what I should do. She was awesome and helped me see the teacher's side --which, in all fairness, the teacher really did have some valid points; she was just so rude about it all --and told me to just forget about it and apologize to the teacher tomorrow. Even though she doesn't deserve it. ~sigh~ Anyways, she was a great comfort. Of course, DH came home RIGHT as I'm balling to my secretary, which could not have been better (or worse) timing. He saw me all emotional, but he immediately listened and sent me to bed for 2 1/2 hours while he took care of the kids.
Man, I love my husband.
Anyways, I keep thinking I'll be okay, but everytime I think of the conversation, I tear up again. I'm determined NOT to stay home from Church, just because I'm all emotional, but what if I start crying in front of this teacher tomorrow in Primary? What if she apologizes first? What if I don't have the guts to apologize? I swear, I'm just an emotional wreck. I know nothing will be solved if I ignore it, so I know I'll do my best to right this whole mess, but I'm just so tired, you know? I'll be ready for some time away from my responsibilities --even if it is just to enter MORE by taking care of my baby. I think I need to be away from people for a while...and what better excuse than a baby born in the winter? "Oh, I'm sorry, he might get RSV. I don't want to talk to you or see you for 2 months..."
~sigh~
6 comments:
Oh, Cheryl, I can really feel for you. At your stage of pregnancy, I think you have the excuse to bawl any time you feel like it!
I was so glad to read that you have a suppportive and understanding secretary, and a fabulous husband (I know that from your previous posts as well as from this one). At least when he's home! :)
Although I don't really know you well yet, I have just read all your blog posts; and I imagine you will probably screw up your courage and apologize to the teacher for inadvertantly offending her.
My prayers will be with you today that whatever happens, you will be comforted by the Spirit for trying your best to deal with a very stressful situation when you are not your normal, emotionally balanced self.
Who knows, maybe the teacher was having an extremely bad day (migraine? onset of menopause? flooded basement? stubbed toe? burned pies? husband just announced he was leaving her for another woman? bad hair day?).
Maybe when she sees you, she will burst into tears, beg your forgiveness, give you a hug (as well as she can in your condition), and in the passage of time she will become your very best friend! LOL!!
Oh, Roann --Thank you so much! Unfortunately, it didn't go as well as I would have liked.
I felt prompted to bring an envelope and paper to Church to write her a sincere apology. I appreciate what you said about being able to apologize to her --I really wanted to --but somehow I knew a face-to-face wouldn't happen. So, I wrote a letter that basically said I was really sorry for the miscommunication, for calling at an inconvenient time, and thanked her for accepting the calling. Then I told her that I would do what she had asked, etc. etc. details, details, details...and left it with a sincere "I'm sorry".
I was so tempted to launch into how my life was not great right then, but I knew it was the wrong thing to say...I'm glad I left it as it was...
I was conducting Primary, and just before we started, I handed her the letter. She took it but wouldn't look at me. After Opening Exercises and Jr. Sharing Time/Singing Time, as the Sunbeams (and this teacher, of course) was leaving, I noticed my letter on the floor. I think she left it on purpose (it was unopened). I picked it up and handed it to her and started to say something, but she just ignored me and turned away.
The rest of the Sunday I didn't have to see her much, but it was so awkward and awful. I guess I could have just apologized --I mean, maybe she was so stand-offish because she was embarrassed? Still feeling arrogant about how she was "right"? It could have been anything, really --I just hope that she'll read my letter.
I hate confrontations and relationships like this. It's frustrating...hopefully over time things will be fine. I'm going to continue to try, but I think I might have my counselors and secretary work directly with her for a few weeks --then I'll try again.
Roann, thanks again for your comment. I read it before Church this morning and seriously, you made my whole day. It's nice to feel validated, and to hear from friends (strangers can be friends!) that I'm normal. :) :)
Thank you!!
Cheryl,
It's kind of you to say that my comments were helpful. :) I'm so glad that you received (and followed!) the prompting to write her a letter and hand it to her at the beginning of Primary. Ideally, she would have read it, accepted your apology, and then maybe smiled at you and said, "Thanks, Cheryl. Let's talk later," as she left the room. Her negative reaction seems to indicate that she has some serious problems. But you did the right thing, and do I hope you have found some measure of relief from concern about the situation. :)
It is a bit worrisome to me that someone with that kind of attitude is teaching children, however. Teachers aren't sinless, of course; but most are trying to be in tune with the Spirit--at least when engaged in carrying out their callings. Many young children are quite sensitive to the presence (or absence) of the Spirit. If the teacher isn't able to get past her grievances, how will she be able to teach those precious Sunbeams by the Spirit? (Can you tell I have a new Sunbeam grandson!?!)
Your idea of letting your secretary or counselors work with her for a while sounds great. After all, you are about to have a baby, and you have plenty of other things to do!
Let's hope and pray that time may be all she needs to come around. :)
i will hurt her. ah.. just kidding, but seriously, who does that? hangs up on a phone call? leaves a letter you gave them, on purpose, on the ground? ignores someone when they are trying to talk to them? Especially when this person is in the last weeks of pregnancy?!? I'm sure she had her reasoning, but how she reacted is very immature and disrespectful.
My suggestion: let it go. You did your part in resolving it, the rest is up to her. Let your counselors help.
agreed, she is a lame-bot. don't you get maternity leave from your calling?
Oh, you guys are all so wonderful!
And, roann, you are SOOO right about there being something more there than just having a bad day. I got a phone call from a counselor in the Bishopric Sunday night, my counselor called me yesterday morning, and my secretary also called me yesterday --they all had bad confrontations with this woman as well (and her husband!).
However, since I can't really tell all the details (which, of course makes the whole make more sense), I will let you know that the problems are being solved. I think we're going to split the Sunbeam class (there are 12!) and get more teachers, etc....which will solve this woman's angst. She really is a fabulous teacher and plans way ahead --in fact, she took a picture of Christ to every Sunbeam on Saturday, telling them she was their new teacher and to keep the picture in their rooms, etc. and because of that action, an inactive family brought their daughter to Primary. So, Yay!! At least I know she'll be good with the kids...as for the adults...well....
I have a feeling she just doesn't know how to ask for help. And I heard from our Bishopric that "drama" runs in the family. I find it ridiculous that I'm 27 years old, and this grandmother is acting like she's 13. I mean, who just assumes that everyone should be reading their mind? If she would just ask and not be so crazy about it, everything would have been fine from the get-go.
~sigh~ Anyways, I figure I will just do the best I can and be as kind as possible. That's all I can do at this point. I'm not going to let it bother me anymore. THANKS to you guys and your comments and help! Made this thing easier, I promise!
Bren--
Technically I'll be on "leave" from my calling --but it doesn't go away. I'll still be PP; but my fabulous counselors and secretary will be doing the brunt of the work for about a month. Most of it has to do with planning and phone calls, with very little teaching on my part (we each do one Sharing Time a month). But yes, I will get a short break, which will be nice for a time. :) :)
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