Saturday, May 06, 2006

HELP!

Quickly, quickly give me advice!

The "widowship" is into full swing --DH is now gone from 8AM to 10PM everyday --and now including Saturdays. How do I get through it? I need ideas to:

A) Keep me busy
B) Not be resentful
C) Keep my children entertained even when I'm exhausted
D) Figure out a way to spend time with/see/hear my DH so our marriage doesn't go to pot...

HELP!

4 comments:

tamrobot said...

i wish I had some good advice for you, but I don't. Jared's gone from 7 - 9 so the hours are pretty similar. I work from 7 - 5 so work keeps me pretty busy then I spend the next few hours exercising, cleaning, and cooking (and a little bit of relaxing). I don't know what you're supposed to do when you have kids!

My big distraction is a marathon. I spend an hour each day training for it so that takes most of my attention and then I'm too tired after training to get bored or miss him too much. Hope you figure it out!

Cheryl said...

Yay! When is your marathon?

And you still need to call me about your wedding! maybe I'll call you...hmm... :)

TftCarrie said...

Hey, I feel for you. Since we've moved dh's hours are even worse than before. In the first 6 weeks he worked every weekend and rarely was home before 10. I am not sure what you're exact circumstances are, but here are a few of the things I have done:

A.) to keep busy - this isn't hard for me at all. In fact, I have so many projects going all the time, that sometimes I get disappointed when I hear dh will actually be home at 7pm intead of 10. Beyond gift making, video editing, blog reading and writing, I have invited girls over to the house for an american Idol party. I go out to dinner with other friends sans dh. I have also gotten a babysitter so I can get out without the kids.

B.) Not be resentful. I think this is has become easier over time because dh's work is more often than not -crazy. So I have learned to have little expectations. When he makes it home by chance for a betime or if he is around to get the kids up, or if we are able to spend a family saturday together, then I am really grateful for that. What also helps with my mindset is I always think about how good my dh is at what he does and how I want his coworkers to respect him and know that they can always count on him. I take some pride in knowing that I contribute to his quality of work by supporting his role there intead of just looking at it as something that takes him away from his family. It also helps knowing that he would much rather be home if he could be (p.s. not all men are like this).

C. Entertaining children: WHen you are purely exhausted - tv works best. I also have been spending more time outside laying on a blanket while they play.

D. Spending time with DH-schedule babysitters so you can get out. Does he work until 10pm even on saturdays? Stay up late. When my dh is working late, I always stay up late to wait for him to come home (unless it's going to be past midnight). We stay up talking, catching up on the day.and then we both drink a lot of diet coke to keep us going during the day. I also e-mail him a lot and call him during the day. I know that if he is busy, he will call me back. This could also be a perfect time for some role playing in your relationship. You could IM and pretend you met online and send some suggestive e-mails through the day - or send them to his blackberry.

I think it's really important for the kids to keep connected to so we try to go have lunch or dinner sometimes with dh during the busy weeks. I will drive downtown and we'll meet at a restaurant by his office. I also have lucy write (or record) monkey mail for him. I know it brightens his day. I also write down funny things she says during the day so I can remember to share it with dh. I know he feels like he's missing everything when he works so much.

Anyway, I hope something there helps. Good luck!

Cheryl said...

carrie-
you are a life saver! Thank you so much! Your advice is perfect for what we're dealing with and I appreciate it. You would think after 5 years of doing this every year that it would get easier --I have noticed, however, that it does take me longer to get resentful every year, and that's good (this year it's 7 weeks instead of 5!). :) Thanks again!