Friday, January 20, 2006

Who Am I?

I'm not myself anymore. It's been a while since I've been able to find out who I truly am. I'm still trying and it's taking a long time, darn it!

I thought I knew who I was when I got married. Then I graduated from college, had kids, stayed home, and realized, "who was I back then? Have I changed? For the better? Or am I worse then I was?"

Finding myself has been an interesting journey. I'm slowly getting the hang of it, but who I was, that confident, unshaking, opinionated woman seems to have slipped into someone more subdued, afraid to speak has taught me too much now. I know too much and I've seen too much. I can't even imagine the people that I hurt with comments years ago. At the same time, where's that bubbly personality my husband fell in love with?

And why can't I seem to make friends??!?! Girlfriends --you know, mom friends that have lost themselves amid the throw-up, potty training, tantrum-filled lives that we lead. I want to be liked and loved for who I am....
But who am I?

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