Tuesday, February 05, 2019

February Happiness

It is February, which means we have five birthdays in the course of 20 days. This year, we have some big and important birthdays! 

#4 is turning 12. 
#2 is turning 16.
#7 is turning 4. 
#6 is turning 7 (guess that's not huge, but how is it that he's already 7 years old?!). 

And I am turning 40! FORTY. For-ty. 4-0 years of age. Forty years old. (Truth is, I deserve to turn 40! I've lived a lot of life and I deserve to turn 40. Bring on my forties! Huzzah for still being alive!)

Also, in the midst of the birthday celebrations, we have a concerto competition (I have four students competing) and our oldest daughter will find out if she was accepted into BYU or not (the anxiety is high around here!). Add into this that I started teaching all my piano students again (since the birth) and we have a new baby (he's almost 2 months!). Don't forget Valentine's Day! And parent-teacher conferences! 

I'm also working on my book (no details, yet, sorry!). 

If that wasn't enough, I feel pulled into the political climate, too. Between building a wall, a government shut-down, third trimester abortion (may God save us all), vaccinations, and all the ridiculous shouting going on, it's hard to stay positive. 

I am desperately trying to be a loving and supportive wife, an attentive and kind mother, a service-minded friend, and still take care of myself, too. 

IT IS EXHAUSTING. All of it. And yet... 

I am happy! Exhausted, saying-all-the-wrong-things, sometimes wanting to give up, disappointing everyone around me... but I'm still happy. I think I know why:

1. I'm taking my meds faithfully.
2. My boundaries are firm; knowing when to say no is easy for me, now.
3. I get to inhale the scent of an infant's head all day long. 
4. Experience has taught me that all-the-things always get done and worrying doesn't help them get done faster. 
5. My prayers have gotten more specific. 
6. Reading the Book of Mormon every day clears my mind. 
7. I don't spend time worrying and fretting over my imperfections, anymore (well, not as much!). 
8. I realize that I can't go back and change my mistakes or how I treated people and I can't go back and do things differently... I can only move forward and do better. This has made the conversations with myself in the shower a whole lot more positive. Ha! 
9. I have a lot more patience... more patience then I've ever had in my life and it has been incredibly hard-earned. 

Also, I could just be ovulating, so... LOL

Anyway, this is life right now. Nothing that exciting, just busy. Good busy. The kind of busy I prayed for years ago -- the kind of busy I used to resent. I like it.

Mostly, though, I'm looking forward to the Valentine's chocolate and all the birthday cake. Hooray for February!

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