Monday, September 17, 2018

Hardest Parts of Pregnancy

I've been blessed with good pregnancies, so don't take this as a complaining session. I'm just commenting on what's going on in my life. It's not meant to compare with anyone else; just writing my truth. No need to shoot me down because your experiences are different or worse than mine; I know we're all different and there are varying levels of good/bad. xoxo 

Taken last week (26 1/2 weeks gestation) in a dirty mirror!

Hardest part of pregnancy for me (this time. The 9th time (I did have one miscarriage in there, about 12 years ago), because the 8th time (7th child), I had gall bladder attacks, and that was pure hell. I haven't had anything like that this time, so far! *crossing fingers*):

*Psychotic dreams: I seriously can't tell half the time what was real and what was the dream. I imagine this is what it's like on acid or something, and I don't get why someone would do this to their brains on purpose. It's disconcerting and sometimes frustrating, like when it turns out Will Smith does not, in fact, have a huge thing for me (not that I would want him to! Just sayin' 😉). 

*Yeast infections: They are seriously the worst. Enough said. (And yes, I'm doing everything right --diet, ACV, garlic, probiotics, over-the-counter, etc.) One of the first signs of pregnancy for me is a yeast infection. Awesome. Yay. 

*Hemorrhoids: We'll just leave that TMI right there. 
(And I know why this and the yeast infections are pervasive, it has everything to do with gravity, the end.)

*Big-ness: I have the smallest torso of all time. I'm all legs. True fact: my first pregnancy altered my ribs physically forever and ever, amen. They have been pushed out (bones are malleable! As an adult?! Who knew!) and so all of my babies have enjoyed the freedom of going out even further. Baby is to the top of my rib cage down to my thighs and STILL sticks out. *shrug*

*Rude comments: THEY. JUST. WON'T. STOP. Even by well-meaning friends. Even by people who know better. And they're not trying to be rude, but every single day I'm answering the same stupid questions over and over and it starts to wear me down. And I am not bothered by the "when are you due?" questions (it's a genuine and perfectly legitimate question!), it's what follows that particular question almost every single time:
"Oh, wow. Wow! Really!? Not until then!?"
"Oh, my goodness, that's so... are you sure?!" 
"You already look so very big! Are you feeling okay???"
"Christmas time?! Are you sure it's not twins?" 

Why can't they say things like this, instead?

"How exciting!"
"You look great!"
"Oh, how fun!"
"Christmas babies are the best!" 
"You've got time to get things ready!" 

Why comment on my body, at all? I mean, ugh, people, yes, I get it. I'm HUGE. I know. (Even though I don't think I look as huge as they claim. I know I'll only get bigger! Look at that picture up there! I don't look like I'm "ready to pop" as an older mother recently said to me (how rude is that?!).) 
As I explained above, I have a small torso and so baby goes outward. I also have leftover fat from eight (seven living) previous pregnancies. I was also overweight when I got pregnant, so chances are, I'm not going to be thin! Isn't it crazy!? I'm an individual with an individual body that does it's own INDIVIDUAL THINGS!! Get over it, already! Stop pretending like my big body is some freak show and that you can't handle the fact that I actually know what's going on --for example, that I ACTUALLY KNOW MY OWN DUE DATE. As you can tell, I'm really getting tired of it, and it's getting harder to be polite and forgive (must. keep. trying.). 

This is why women become hermits when they're pregnant. It's not because we're tired, it's because we don't want to kill people. 

*Fatigue: Yes, I'm tired. But it honestly has less to do with pregnancy and more to do with my schedule. A schedule I have chosen and I love. Luckily, I'm able to nap every few days, so it works out. And I know when to take it slower and when to push myself.

My awesome kids (worth everything!)
*Knowledge of what's ahead: This is both the hardest and the sweetest part of pregnancy for me. I'm pretty experienced with giving birth (in a variety of situations, although I've yet to have a C-section, and I hope I never do), and so I know what's coming. Giving birth is not cake, friends. It's not the worst thing, ever, either (seriously, it's not), but it's a lot of work! I remember pushing out my last baby and I seriously thought, "I will NEVER do that, again." And I pushed her out in 20 seconds! It's not like it was the worst thing --it's just hard. And yes, I choose to give birth unmedicated (on purpose) because I actually think recovery is much harder if I don't. 

I also know how difficult recovery can be. I know all the "what-ifs" and such; I know what can go wrong, and I know what can be difficult to overcome. From the breastfeeding to the vaginal healing --it's not easy, friends. 

There's also the unknown: will everything be okay with baby boy? Will he be healthy? Will labor and delivery go well? Will we be able to leave the hospital when we want? Will he come Earth-side when expected? Will he even survive?

And then: sleepless nights, crazy schedules, diapers, and another human attached to me for another few years. Putting myself away for another little while in order to provide life to another little baby who needs me.

But! And this is the most important! I also know what is coming, too --a sweet, beautiful, heaven-smelling little bundle that I will love and cherish. Sacred moments in the night, nursing my baby boy, wondering how I could have been so blessed. There will be another first smile, first laugh, first crawl, first walk... another baby for all the older Savages to dote on with so much love and attention. There will be love... so much love. All the love that is possible --and it is strange, isn't it? To love someone so much, without knowing their personality, without knowing who they will become --just innocent, unadulterated, perfect love for a vulnerable, tiny, perfect little baby. He will be a part of our eternal family (already is!) and he will forever be one of us. 

I love God so much for giving us families. I love Him so much for giving me this baby (even though it's been hard to accept). I love Him forever for giving us a glimpse of what Heaven is like and what it will be like when we see Him, again. 

And now, I'm crying. ❤

So, see? All these things that are hard? This last thing makes all the other things worth it. (Even the rude comments!)

What are the hardest parts of pregnancy for you? 

1 comment:

Anne Marie said...

Rooting for you, Cheryl!! You have such a beautiful family! You are doing amazing work!! Bringing another child into this world is such an incredible gift to this planet! Especially when that child comes to a loving family and home. Wishing you all the best