Friday, August 25, 2017

My Split Personality

Is there anybody who is almost split on the Myers-Briggs personality results?

I'm an ENFJ. The results have been pretty consistent. This stands for

--but I was pretty close to being an INFJ. In fact, it was almost split right down the middle. I've repeated the test several times and the results are always the same. It probably wouldn't take much to push it right into INFJ, which stands for

I've known this for a very long time, though. I'm an extroverted introvert (discovering this was pretty awesome). So, most things for an ENFJ match, and most things for an INFJ match. It's unsettling, though, because one of the hallmarks of an INFJ is not wanting to be misunderstood, and because I identify as an ENFJ, I now always feel misunderstood even more.

So, who am I, personality-wise?

I'm an empath and can absorb the feelings of others. I have to be careful when reading books and watching movies/shows, because they can influence how I interact with others in my own life --I can find myself mirroring feelings that are not my own. This also means I can sense the intentions in others. I am usually able to sense bad intentions very quickly.

I'm a counselor to all. Perfect strangers will often find themselves divulging their stories or deepest secrets to me, just because they feel safe with me. For whatever reason, they are drawn to me and can feel my empathy. Brandon noticed this while we were traveling several months ago --from checking into the hotel to waiters to the random guy near us at the U2 concert --people speak to me and feel comfortable talking to me.

I need time with people just as much as I need time alone.

I don't mind public speaking. I enjoy performing and speaking publicly. But only if I'm prepared!

Preparation is important to me. I like to make plans, but I find I'm actually okay with plans changing as needed. I can't tell if this is just flexibility that has happened over time because I'm maturing, or because I've always been flexible.

I am very, very honest. I abhor hypocrisy (even though we are all hypocrites) and even while telling stories, I will make sure they are correct. I check sources. I won't claim someone said something unless I know for sure. I see lying as one of the worst personality traits. I won't do it. And when I mess up and lie, I will feel shame for a very long time.

I seek truth. I recognize truth when I see it, too. I can feel it. And it's not that I believe it --somehow, I know it. And I can't explain it very well.

I don't put up with insincerity. I won't be sold something until I've decided it feels right.

I am constantly trying to improve myself and how I interact with the world around me. Always. It's always on my mind. How do I improve emotionally? Mentally? Spiritually? Physically?

I'm a Judgy Judger McJudgerson. I believe in propriety, respect, punctuality, and responsibility. Using truth as a measuring stick, I expect a lot in others. I get frustrated when people don't act the way they know how to act (meaning they can't claim ignorance). This can be bad on my part (and it's been something I've been working on for a long time --choosing charity over judging).

I like harmony. I want everyone to get along. I try to smooth things over... but I'm not what one would call a peace-maker. I just don't want to embarrass anyone if I can help it.

I am very hard on myself. Probably my worst critic. There is nothing anybody has said about me that I haven't already said to myself. I feel shame and guilt immensely, and it is something I have worked constantly to heal. If relationships are working, I assume it's my fault. Even when I know I am not the cause of something, I will still feel guilt because I don't know how to fix the situation.

I will help other people until it begins to hurt me. I hang onto friendship long after they are over. I seek to connect with others on a deep level and still mourn the loss of friendships that ended years ago.

If I'm angry with you, and I'm not screaming at you, I'm probably ignoring you.

I will share all of my life with you unless you betray me. In fact, I'm probably the most loyal friend you will ever have until that happens. Once you lose my trust, I'm a lot like Mr. Darcy --my trust is very, very, very hard to earn back. Betrayal is probably the worst mistake a person can make in a relationship with me. I will continue to love you, I will be kind to you, but I won't trust you, and that means my deepest levels of connection will be closed off. I can still think about some past relationships where I was betrayed pretty heavily, and I still don't trust those people, even though I love them.

In the same breath, I seek for reconciliation. I like giving people chances. But sometimes, I give too many chances. And that's why I have to draw boundaries.

I'm a moderate. I don't believe in extremes. I need more than logic to be sold on something, but I need something more than feelings to be sold on something. This goes along with my truth-seeking. It's not just enough that it makes sense --it has to make sense emotionally to me, as well.

I loathe being misunderstood, but because people can't read me the way I can read them, I feel misunderstood constantly.

I like myself, though. 

I like that I am unique and that my personality is hard to decipher. I enjoy being an enigma... until I don't. Ha! I'm seriously that walking contradiction, but honestly, I think it's in the best of ways. 

What is your Myers-Briggs Personality? For those who aren't sure or don't know, here's a link where you can take the test.


Anne Marie Sorensen said...

I always love reading your thoughts about life. I love the Meyers-Briggs personality categories! I am an INFP, and knowing this has helped me so much. Thank you also for sharing your thoughts on PMS and childbearing. You have so much wisdom to share

Cheryl said...

Anne Marie, thank you so much for your kind words!

Sus said...

I've been thinking about this post ever since the day you wrote it. I've really struggled trying to find a comfortable spot in the middle somewhere, but I think I'm just plain and simply half and half extrovert/introvert. LOL I guess I'm exactly the same as you! Which, I think, is a very good thing overall. ;) I think we're both really caring, supportive, and friendly people.

I'm probably a little more introverted than you, though, as I'm definitely not one who enjoys performing much or being the center of attention. LOL I enjoyed reading your insights.