Sunday, April 23, 2017

Insecurity

Insecurity 

Dried out, that's how I feel
Consuming exhaustion that doesn't happen because I don't get enough sleep;
I get plenty of sleep
But I don't get to rest from 
worry and frustration
from wondering constantly if I will ever be
good enough. 

Good enough for what? Excellent question
that can't be answered with trite or cliche
and instead burrows even deeper into my mind and comes
out to play when I need it to disappear the most.

Vulnerable rejection based on mistakes in my behavior 
but not in my character
Except --what makes a character if not the behavior?

I rely too much on the outside when I should be 
illuminating from the inside
and attempting not to change my environment or the people around me
but my own awkward perceptions
found deep in the bottom parts of my soul.  

It's a cavern full of dried up, masticated doubt 
and every single time I get to the place where I 
think, this! I am finally rid of that annoying
insecurity!
It leaps up from the shadows and 
burns
my
very
flesh.


Cheryl 
April 2017

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