Insecurity

Insecurity 

Dried out, that's how I feel

Consuming exhaustion that doesn't happen because I don't get enough sleep;

I get plenty of sleep

But I don't get to rest from 

worry and frustration

from wondering constantly if I will ever be

good enough. 

Good enough for what? Excellent question

that can't be answered with trite or cliche

and instead burrows even deeper into my mind and comes

out to play when I need it to disappear the most.

Vulnerable rejection based on mistakes in my behavior 

but not in my character

Except --what makes a character if not the behavior?

I rely too much on the outside when I should be 

illuminating from the inside

and attempting not to change my environment or the people around me

but my own awkward perceptions
found deep in the bottom parts of my soul.  

It's a cavern full of dried up, masticated doubt 

and every single time I get to the place where I 

think, this! I am finally rid of that annoying

insecurity!

It leaps up from the shadows and 

burns

my

very

flesh.

Cheryl 

April 2017