Big Changes are Afoot!

I love change. Autumn is my favorite season because of the glorious changes that take place... green makes way to vibrant reds, oranges, yellows, and the leaves fall one by one as the trees anticipate cold and white. I also adore spring! Cold and white make way for flowers and rain. Change is beautiful! I like the changes from holiday to holiday, the kids starting school, the kids getting out of school, meeting new people, traveling to new places, watching children and friends grow...

But change is also very hard for my physically and psychologically. New babies, although wanted more than anything, can wreak havoc with my hormones, and I physically have to anticipate backslides in my mental health. Other big changes -- like when we moved here to Pennsylvania just over two years ago --can be very difficult. For almost the first full year after moving here, I gained nearly 40 pounds and found myself lost, confused, shy (that's not me!), and I had zero confidence. But my entire second year in PA has been very, very different! I've talked about this before, but this past year has seen a significant upswing in my overall health. I'm motivated, confident, calm, accepting, and feel like myself, again. 

The last few days before I got married, nearly 17 years ago (this Saturday!), I felt really happy. I was marrying this wonderful man, the wedding plans had gone well, everything was in place and I felt pretty calm. At least I thought I did? Well, suddenly, the day before, I broke out in a huge rash all over my neck. It was so bad that we had to try and use makeup to cover it up for the wedding. Crazy! I realized I had been keeping my stress locked away and my physical body had exhibited it somehow. It makes sense --when we don't confront or let go of our negative emotions (anger, stress, depression, frustration, worry, etc.), our body has to absorb them somehow. In this instance, it was a rash. Last week? It was insomnia. 

I've had insomnia off and on for the last month. I've never really struggled with insomnia before --usually I fall asleep quickly because I need so much of it! If I'm tired, it's because of nursing babies... Anyway, insomnia was an indication of some inward stress. I had a lot of thinking, praying, pondering, wondering, and some worrying to do... because it's kind of a big deal, dear reader. Well, not life or death big, not divorce big, not new baby big.. just... big. 

We're moving. 

Again!

By April 1st, 2016. Yes, that's in less than three months (which, funnily enough, is the longest time I've ever had to move from one place to another! UT to PA was just over 2 months. UT to CA was only 3 weeks!!).

And it's not a bad thing! It's actually very, very good. Brandon has accepted a job with a company that has been his client for some time. The position is fairly stable, cost of living is drastically reduced, and best of all --Brandon won't have to travel 5 days a week anymore! We'll be a family again.. together again. 

Oh, where are we going? It's actually kind of funny, but I'm sure you can guess. Where am I going this weekend? Where has he been for the past 5 months? Well, dear reader, we're moving to northeastern Kansas.

Can you believe it!? I can't! Never in my life did I ever imagine we would be living in Kansas. Kansas?! Just like Pennsylvania, Kansas was just never on my (or Brandon's) radar! We're from the west. We lived in Utah, we lived in California... we're from Idaho and California... We would travel up and down the I-15 from San Diego to southern Alberta, but I don't think we ever seriously thought we'd move back East. And now the Midwest? Well, why not! We've lived in the mountains, on the Pacific, on the Atlantic, so why not on the beautiful prairie? It's kind of exciting!

Our kids are having a hard time with the announcement, especially our older girls. We struggled for a long time about when and how to tell them. Moving was always easier when the kids were younger because, well, they were younger! Sure, they had friends and it wasn't always easy, but their lives weren't fully their own, yet. #1 is in high school, now, and as we all know, that is a really tough time to be moving around! But others have done it, and she can do it, and I have no doubts that she will be able to thrive in her new environment if she chooses to do so. We've been blessed with a large family and our kids have each other to lean on, and what a blessing that is! To have people who love you and understand you and will let you lean on them a bit while you mourn the loss of a life you thought you were going to lead...

I am also sad, too. It's a mixture of excitement, sadness, mourning, faith, and determination, really. I have made some of the greatest friends here in PA; our ward is wonderful and I'm truly going to miss almost everything about this place. It's hard not to feel like we're leaving our ward with some holes to fill --I know that sounds arrogant, but Brandon is in the Bishopric, our son is one of only two cub scouts, and our daughter is currently one of only two Beehives. Musical talent is strong, but piano players who can sight read and accompany on demand are few... We were needed, you know? Perhaps we're needed in Kansas, now... Anyway, I've been blessed to call Pennsylvania my home and I will always cherish our time here. I've grown here (astronomically!) and we had our sweet baby girl, here. We'll have to come back and visit! Especially when the Philadelphia Temple open house and dedication happen... 

When I join Brandon tomorrow in Kansas, we're going house-hunting. Please pray for us that we can find the right house for our family and be able to find it quickly. I would really appreciate it!