And then the post-Christmas crash hit me with a vengeance.
Brandon left for San Francisco to go the BYU bowl game, so the kids and I were on our own from Thursday night until Sunday afternoon. Friday wasn't so bad --we cleaned up the house, put away the Christmas decorations, and as a reward for working so hard, I took the kids to see Frozen. It was such a fun movie! We loved it, and even #6 had a great time.
Saturday, on the other hand, was a really hard day for me. I felt completely useless. All of the things I didn't/don't like about myself came rushing to a head in the face of idleness and a gap in the schedule of my life. Up until now, things have been scheduled. Pack! Halloween! Move! Unpack! Thanksgiving! Christmas! Uhhhh.... uhhh...? Hmmm? Wha???
So, I felt kind of hanging out, in limbo, and with time to think all of my weaknesses rushed to the front of my mind:
*You need to lose 65 pounds if you want to have your confidence back, if you want to be healthy enough to get pregnant (let alone get through your seventh pregnancy), if you want to be an example to your kids about health, if, if, if, if, if....
*You still need to unpack the garage and the office and nobody can stay in the guest room/office until you do this and why are you reading books and watching movies instead of exercising and cleaning out the office?
*You're lonely because you forgot how to make friends and why don't you just invite people over or do something rather than feeling sorry for yourself for not having loads of friends, yet?
*Etc. and so forth.
It was a hard day. Full of emotional eating and sitting on the couch and crying when the kids weren't looking.
But Sunday came, friends online came (because instead of wallowing, I reached out), Brandon came home (it's amazing how much easier it is with help), and Church helped in ways only the Lord can help.
And I'm ready to start the New Year!
We celebrated last night with playing board games, watching the Twilight Zone marathon (don't ask), and drinking sparkling juice and screaming our heads off at midnight. Once again, it was just our little family and we had a great time! We thought Brandon had to chaperone the Stake Youth dance, but when he found out he didn't have to, we chose to hang out with our kiddos. Everyone made it to midnight (except #5, who woke up long enough to drink juice, see the fireworks we were pleasantly surprised to hear/see out our back windows) and then we promptly went to bed.
Last year, these were my goals:
Mental: read 4 non-fiction books
Physical: run one race
Emotional: repeat the mantra "calm and kind!" over and over when confronted with situations that would normally make me freak out or get angry.
Spiritual: pray ON MY KNEES at least once a day
How did I do?
*Well, I prayed on my knees a lot more. Not every day, though.
*I was much kinder and calmer than I have been in past years. Not by a ton, but I felt marked improvement, so this is good!
*I did not run a race. I did not even run!
*I'm not sure if I rad 4 non-fiction books, but I know I read at least 2.
GOAL FOR 2014:
Focus on Physical Wellness
Cliché? You betcha. Do I care? Nope. This is more than just losing weight --this has to do with eating the way I know I'm supposed to eat (whole foods, clean, vegetarian/vegan-leaning) and treating my body the way I'm supposed to treat my body (exercising every day). The weight will come off if I focus on these other things.
So, I joined a contest group (just 30 days) and I bought some hand weights (I lost mine when I sold our exercise bike). I'm breaking out my Jillian Michaels videos again, my yoga videos, and my Body Fate app.
Other ways I will focus on my Physical Wellness:
1. Go to bed by 10:30PM each night
2. Wake up at 6AM each morning to exercise
3. Read scriptures with my kids/husband at 6:30AM
4. Pray daily for help with my goal
5. Plan ahead and write down what I eat
Will I rock at this? *shrug* I don't know. I'm sure there will be days in which I fail. But instead of being angry at myself and quitting, I'll just keep trying.
What are your goals for 2014? How were your holidays?
2 comments:
My fitness pal has a great app for tracking food and exercise, in case you're interested, it's easier than writing it down I think.
Cheryl, you're great and you're going to do great (you already do do great things) just remember to be kind to yourself and start slow. You don't need to be perfect ever, just do a little better most days than you did the day before.
I have similar goals for the new year. It's tough, isn't it? Frustrating to me that I make the same goals over and over.
What is the diet bet that you entered? I saw one on Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans. Have you been on that site? It's pretty inspirational.
Good luck!
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