Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Parenting Created Guilt

Blogger just made me switch to the new interface and, as I've said before, I hate it. But then again, I do pretty much all my online stuff on an iPad, so nothing comes very easily. Why can't all of the internet browsers and computer companies and software people just combine everything?! I mean, is it too hard to ask? I guess so. They like their profits too much, their competition with each other. It's like asking Dems and Reps to just get along already!

 In other news, today I started out being a good parent, and by dinnertime, I was not. Reason? Honest-to-goodness reason? Selfishness. Pure, unadulterated selfishness. I was working on revising a post I'm writing for the new blog (launching next week! whoo-hoo!) and I just HAD to get it done RIGHT THIS MINUTE!! No, I didn't. I could have stopped and done it later tonight. I could have taken the time to make a real dinner. I could have helped my kids more. I could have been kinder to hubby when he came home. Instead, I was doing what I always profess I don't do --I let something I could have done later (a blog post) get in the way of family life (the worst time of day: dinnertime!) and I let contention and anger out in spades because people wouldn't just let me focus on this really important switching and changing of words right here in this very very very important blog post that I must work on right now can't you see I'm working right now?!?! Sigh. I've already repented, and I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father has already forgiven me, but I still feel the stale taste of pride coating my throat. I hate being humbled, but even more, I hate having to be humbled all the time. Because it happens. All the time. Because I need to be. Humbled, I mean.

Moving on.

My running buddy from a bazillion years ago (okay, it was only 6 years ago) and I have taken up walking. We walk just twice a week for an hour, pushing our babes in strollers. Today, we walked by the stairs. "The stairs?" you ask. "What are the stairs?" Well, dear reader, we live on a hill. At the edge of one of the side of this hill is a lovely street with lovely homes and they have a spectacular view of our lovely mountains. On either end of this street (north and south) are long staircases (cement) leading down to a park. There are many stairs on these staircases. How many? I have no clue. I just know there are many. Anyway, several of our lady friends walk to "the stairs" daily and walk up and down them several times. Today, we decided to walk them once. And then we almost died. Okay, not really, but it was hard! We felt great about ourselves, though, and so on Thursday, we shall do them again.

Speaking of stairs, I have noticed how I live most of my life upstairs in our home and I pretty much ignore downstairs whenever I can. I'm positive this is because four of our children live down there and I simply do not want to view the mess they make on a regular basis. It causes undue stress (although maybe it should be due stress because, frankly, I need to make sure the disgusting messes don't attract rodents or anything!) and so I ignore it.

Well, that's about all I've got for tonight. I'm going to try to breathe deeply and remind myself that tomorrow is a new day, fresh with no mistakes in it (thank you, Anne Shirley!) and that no matter how awful I am as a mother, I'm still not as bad as I could be. Or something equally awesome.

 Good night!


sariqd said...

Ah! You made me think of Seattle and all the glorious stairs. Awesome! And good job on just taking the stairs! Simple step (ha) to pushing yourself physically.

I've been working on a post for days and was just getting so irritated by all the interruptions. Which was just stupid as it was a spiritual post. Ya. I've parked the post for now because obviously - I'm not being a spiritual mom for my kids while barking at them to be quiet for me to recall the spiritual experiences. AHHHH.

(Btw - since moving to AZ, I haven't found any stairs. Seriously. Inside houses do NOT count.)

Anonymous said...

"no matter how awful I am as a mother, I'm still not as bad as I could be"

I'm going to cross-stitch that and put it on a pillow for you. Soon as I learn to cross-stitch. That's a promise.

Cheryl said...

Sariqd, may you be blessed with finding outdoor stairs somewhere!

mad, yes! Yes! I would proudly display it in my home, I swear I would.