*Gravitating towards people who share the same opinions is natural. It's hard to be alone, judged, or ostracized. When I was really overweight, I didn't want to hang out with my thin, fit friends. When I was single, I didn't want to hang out with married people. When I was a mother of just babies, I didn't want to hang out with mothers of teenagers. Experience and current situations and opinions pretty much dictate who we want to hang out with. That makes sense, right?
I love this blog. I read it because I like that someone has committed to eating healthier, despite opposition, habit, or fear. I still have all of it (opposition, habit, and fear). And this is why I'm still overweight (and not exercising, but we'll get to that in a minute). In a recent post, she said this:
Here is a joke my son Gabe told me:
How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry, they will tell you.
Ha, indeed. :)
*My exercise hero visited me yesterday (and oh, how I love her!). We talked for hours about stuff, but the best part was the exercising. Because I don't do it. Because I need it. She gave me so much to think about and she called me out --she told me to start Monday!
Did you know, dear reader, that I was the reason she started exercising 18 months ago? We had a pact. 20 minutes a day for four days a week. She would curse my name each time she exercised, but she still did it. She worked hard, hard, hard. And now, 18 months later, it's a habit. And she exercises for 40-60 minutes, four days a week. And she looks AMAZING (she totally showed me her abs. Holy cow, she is ripped!). Her husband has now started to exercise, too (and curses my name, too, apparently, and which, ironically, I think is awesome).
It's funny that I "started" this good thing, because you know the whole Nutritarian eating? I guess I started something there, too.
Actually, it was Angie. My buddy Angie is in my ward and she introduced me to Green Smoothies. I shared what I knew about it (and what Ann has shared with me, i.e. The China Study) with Liz and Matt. Then Tami (another neighbor and friend) called to ask about them, and she turned around and shared it with her friend and SIL. All of these people are now committed to being healthier and are losing weight, gaining more energy, and just rocking it!
But what about me?
It seems I'm fated to be the "middle man." I introduce friends who become better friends with each other than with me. I introduce couples who get married (okay, that's only happened once). I've now introduced exercise, eating right, and...where am I? I'm eating "right", but I still eat too much. I don't exercise nearly enough. I'm still 25 pounds (or more; I refuse to weigh myself right now) overweight.
I feel like a hypocrite almost every day.
I'm glad I can share information with people! I'm glad I can be a catalyst for change. I am. But I really feel kind of dumb because people have taken this info I've shared and run with it, while I'm still reading and passing on the info instead of DOING it.
Stop. Don't tell me that I'm too hard on myself, or that I'm in a tough place because of Brandon's schedule, or that I have a lot of young kids, or that it's OKAY to be overweight and unhealthy, etc. I know I'm hard on myself because nobody else is! I NEED to be or else I'll never improve! I'm in a tough place, yes, but does that mean I can't try to be healthy just because Brandon's not around? When is it EVER convenient to become healthier? Young kids!? That should be THE REASON I do better! They should be motivation enough! What I teach them now will stay with them forever. If I don't teach them the things I know by example, then what are they learning? How can I tell them to eat their veggies and exercise if I don't do it? And I won't even respond to the claim that being overweight and unhealthy is okay. I have plenty of doctrinal and scientific references to blow that one out of the water.
*I'm trying to figure out how to do it. I've tried a food journal. I've tried WW points (just for kicks again). I started a google doc's food journal with a friend that I've ignored for 2 weeks. I've tried to be strong when eating out but find myself ordering french fries. The self-sabotage keeps happening and I don't know why.
The exercise. Oh, the exercise. I have Jillian's DVD's. I have my new stroller. I'm doing the Portland to Coast relay in August. I have weights, an elliptical, a bike, a stability ball, a yoga mat, and pilates' dvd's. I have past experience and photos to show me how it felt to be fit and healthy. I love to hike. I love to walk.
But what do I do all day? Nothing. I AM LAZY. I don't put in the DVD's. I don't get out the stroller. I ignore the feelings of desire to be rid of my flabby arms.
I thought it might be the Depression. Maybe it's the Depression? Nope. Excuse. I'm on meds and feel quite content/happy most days. Trying to get Pregnant? Maybe I'm scared exercise will "hurt" the baby --and holy cow, that sounded stupid just typing it. It's just a lazy excuse. Exercise is GOOD for pregnancy! Maybe it's the weather? Nope. I have indoor stuff. Maybe it's my schedule? Nope, the older three are in school all day. Maybe it's the need to have a social partner helping me stay on track? Nope. I had those. I have had them (and have them now) in spades. In. Spades.
I'm floundering, failing, and falling, and I don't know why. It's all emotional/mental, I know. How could it be anything else?
But how do I fix it?? How do I start?? How do I remember??