Monday, November 08, 2010

Want, Want, Want



I feeling really down on myself today. I wish I could blame it on my Depression, but guess what, suckas! Depression has been under control for months now. MONTHS! This is good news, but makes me realize something else must be amiss.

To be honest, I'm trying really, really, really hard not to think negatively. In Relief Society on Sunday we talked all about gratitude. [I know! Gratitude in the month of November!? Shocking.] But it got me thinking: Why am I so upset about things that:
A. I have no control over,
B. Aren't really that big of a deal?

I'm having a really hard time implementing those sound, truthful, glorious thoughts. I can't stop thinking about how I have no time to do the things I need to do (paint walls, organize closets, go through storage rooms, fix lights, other household maintenance stuff), as well as how much longer my list of "wants" is getting. I want new kitchen appliances. I want new counter tops. I want a shower in the hall bathroom so the kids don't have to use ours anymore. I want a new roof. I want a garage. I want nice soffets and a nicer porch. I want a bigger garden. I want a Blendtech blender. I want new carpet. I want new windows. I want new couches. I want the office organized. I want new wood floors. I want, want, want, want...

But hey, hey! I have everything I NEED. Eternal family, house, car, hard-working husband. Food, clothing, education, fun stuff. What else could one want, eh?

Oh, yeah.

Maybe it's because I'm in my 30's now, or maybe it's because I'm just sitting here at the house all day lookin' at it, but I'm kind of thinking that we should be in our dream house by now. Shouldn't we? I mean, we've been married for nearly 12 years. We've got 2 3/4 college degrees between us. Don't get me wrong --I don't blame my husband for any of this. We're doing the best we can. And gosh darn it, we HAVE a house! Not many can say this. I'm just tired of living in a house that was built 50 years ago and keeps falling apart. There's always something to fix. There's always something to wish for. But see! There I go again, complaining about something I shouldn't take for granted.

Blah, blah, blah. I want a new house. Or a couple hundred thousand dollars to fix this one up. Maybe add onto the back! I've always wanted a walk-in closet...

What do you want right now? Do you have what you need?


Christy said...

i am right there w/ you. I turn 31 tomorrow and i feel like i should have at least 3-4 kids and a house and have my life under control.

Well - i have neither - but i still everyday feel so behind everyone in having the things i want :) But...i too have the things i NEED and should just be grateful.

thanks :)

Cardalls said...

Well I am 39 and feel like I should be further ahead. For our 15th anniversary (next august) we always said we were going to hawaii. Ain't gonna happen due to medical bills, debt etc. so depressing. Do I have what i need? Yes. Do I still want a few nice luxuries? YOU BET!

Cardalls said...

Oh and I want just 1000 more square feet to my house to accommodate our family of 7. We are in just under 2000 and 3000 would be enough. Sigh...too bad my home is worth NOTHING living in Vegas!

Anonymous said...

I hear ya. I've totally been feeling this way, especially lately. Boo.

Do I have everything I need? Yes, except I could use a little more gratitude and contentment. Double boo.

Never A True Aggie said...

Since you opened it up,
We have been married 12 years too, have 4 degrees between us, and we are still RENTING and have no idea where were are going to put our roots. Don is not super thrilled with his job and we want to move closer to the West, but with huge debts in sight, it gets overwhelming. I just want to be settled in a home of my modest dreams where I can expect to live for the rest of my life. But, life keeps throwing me curve balls. I guess that is the "fun" part of the game.

Alison Wonderland said...

I have everything I need and if I'm really honest I even have a lot of my wants, hello netflix, bowl of ice cream, beautiful new scarf...

But there are always ALWAYS more. Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Micheal Jordan, they all still have wants. (Although I think they might actually get theirs more often than I do.)

Alison Wonderland said...

How appropriate is it that my WV for my last comment was strapt? Just me then? Ok.

Emily & Co. said...

So, here's a different perspective. I haven't been able to sleep decently at night for months because of pregnancy related issues - which has negatively affected every other aspect of my life. All I have "wanted" lately is to feel better. This week, I am slowly starting to figure out what I can do to to change the situation and it is SO EXCITING!

Extra bonus: Today was my husband's day off! He works 65-70 hrs/week (plus all his other demands), so it's always great when I get him all to myself. I adore my husband. Call me spoiled, but I went on a walk with him to a little bagel shop for my birthday breakfast this morning and I can't think of any thing else I could want today.

Even though I'm 34 and renting a very small duplex w/a small cement "yard" in Southern California with our 5th kid on the way (which will sleep in our room indefinitely until we can move into a bigger place), none of those things seems to matter today. Of course some days they do, but not today.

I know this sounds trite, but the Lord never ceases to amaze me with how he unfailingly provides for our needs in ways we never could have anticipated - especially when we can't figure out ourselves. He even sometimes spoils us with our wants...but how could He ever provide for all of our wants? Our lists would be endless...

michelle said...

I want to understand what a soffet is.


Cheryl said...

A soffet is easy to point out, but hard to explain on paper, I've decided. :) It's like the eaves? know, that part of the outside of the house that's above all the windows, but not the roof --usually it's shaped like a triangle...some have it sided (even in brick homes) and others have it painted (like us).

The rest of you awesome commenters:

Thank you for your perspectives! I really appreciate it. A lot. A lot, lot. It's easy to get down and focused on what we don't have --when I really do have everything. I'm amazingly blessed.

And how appropriate that "I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders is playing in the background right now? Love it!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Right now we have everything we need and probably way too many things we want. (I'm seriously thinking of getting rid of satellite and other similar luxuries.) Maybe it's because I spent a lot of time outside of the country, but everyday I thank God for heating and air conditioning-- actually having comfortable shelter. I've never been a big shopper, but our budget is very tight with our recent move and I'm really feeling the pinch. We're looking at the possibility of a very lean Christmas, and honestly, I'm okay with that. It actually feels like a relief. But what I want?, what I long for, is the feeling of belonging, of being surrounded by people who know me and understand me. I know it's still early, and settling takes time, but that's what I wish for the most.

Amanda D said...

I happen to know someone who can get you a screaming deal on a blendtec. And a mill if you're still in the market for one of those. ;)

I had a time like you're having a few weeks ago. I was seeing all the things that my neighbors who are living on two incomes have and I was feeling some serious jealousy. I wanted some of those things and I was starting to think that I should get a job.

But the more I thought about it, the more I rezlized how much my/our sacrifice is worth it. I started to think of the things that those people around me don't have. For example, my neighbor doesn't get to greet her kids at the door each day after school. She doesn't get to make lunch and play playdoh before school with the kindergartener.

I think what you're feeling is normal. And it will pass. You'll get where you want to be.

flip flop mama said...

I want quite a few things right now. A house instead of an apartment, or at the very least to have each child in their own bedroom is top on the list. I want my DH to have a higher paying job or at the very least have his boss give him a raise. There are many more but I get depressed thinking about them. On the other hand, I have almost everything I need. I really am blessed.