Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Good, Bad, and Ugly

The Good:

*The house is fairly clean.
*My garden has produced an exorbitant amount of herbs and lettuce, and the tomatoes are almost here!
*Visiting old friends and new friends and family within the next few days will create a lot of work, but lots of fun.
*I'm going to get my hair and nails done for the wedding/weekend-with-Brandon. Huzzah!

The Bad:

*I have a headache that won't go away. It's not really a migraine, but it's kind of a wrap-around headache that ebbs and flows throughout the day. I got it on Monday? Tuesday?
*Technology sucks. Because of it, people expect immediate replies to messages, emails, phone calls, etc. And when you don't, they assume the worst. It's hard because I only have so much time I can spend online, and obviously it's to write blog posts nobody reads. Meh.
*Anonymous comments about my "pushy" church make me cry. Literally.

The Ugly:

*Whenever I publicly declare something, I end up failing. I'm not kidding. If I talk about losing weight and eating right, it's inevitable that I will eat badly and gain 10 pounds. Like I have. If I declare that I'm happy! Depression isn't so bad! Then I will end up completely depressed. Like today.
But worst of all, I made the declaration a few years back that I am a GOOD FRIEND. Well, dear reader, it ain't so. In the course of the last few years I have lost more friends than I can count, and most of it is due to my inability to take care of them. Don't get me wrong --I don't really care that I can't take care of them, I care that THEY care. I honestly do not have the time to focus on outward relationships when I have so much I need to invest inside my home. My children, my husband, and my immediate and extended family deserve my focus. Friendships are great, yes, but I cannot possibly make everyone happy.
And my life has proven that.
I don't mean to let people down, but I keep doing it left and right. Usually without realizing it, too. And inevitably it's connected to that dumb technology thing.

So, I guess I can't publicly declare anything anymore. It's weird, I know, but I'm not sure what else to do...


sariqd said...

Don't knock yourself down so much. Isn't that tiring? Go ahead and publicly declare - after all, it's your truth at the moment, yes? So, you had a great day... and a bad one happened to come the next day. That's still okay! You're plugging through! :)

FluffyChicky said...

I'm still your friend. Whether you want me or not. :)

Julie P said...

Love you! And I feel the same way about declaring things. I wish it was different. I really hope your headache feels better,t oo. :)

flip flop mama said...

No one reads my posts either.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm still your friend. Life is all about give and take. You can't possibly be everything to everyone.

I hope your headache goes away. That sucks.

Alison Wonderland said...

Yeah, what's with you and the public announcement thing? I don't get it. I do, however, love you and I'm getting ready to call you right now.

Amanda D said...

I love that you are so real. You declare and life happens and you declare again.

Let's concentrate on the good. Hooray for some time with the husband and seeing people make a commitment to eachother. Enjoy it!

PS - I'm betting your not losing friends. Their lives are busy too - and you're to fun/kind to forget about.

Alisa said...

I commented a LONG time ago asking you where your husband served his mission...ANYWAY, just wanted you to know that I read your blog. Well, it might be better stated that I follow your blog. I actually find you to be genuine and refreshingly honest. It's true that we have never met, but I feel I know you a little through your writing. I do think you can be so hard on yourself sometimes but then we all do that don't we? Just know that there are others out there who do read what you write and often connect with what you are sharing. Also, we all experience a kind of "evolution" of sorts with our relationships. As we grow and move in different directions and change...Sometimes it is sad, other times it's okay. I think you have your priorities right. Thank you for being so willing to put yourself out there.

Stephanie said...

I think you are a FANTASTIC friend!

And.. My hubby gets a headache/neckache (that lasts all day and night) when he types on his laptop too much - so then he hooks up a different keyboard and feels a lot better. I know I'm breaking a cardinal rule of giving free advice, but you might try to figure out if there's something like that you're doing to give yourself a headache. Otherwise, I'd blame it on hormones and take an advil. :)

Cardalls said...

More important in the eternal scheme of things to be a fabulous Mom and wife than a good friend dontcha think??

No one reads my blog anymore either. I'm okay with it most of the time because really i'm doing it to record our families lives.

Anonymous said...

Just be you. I give you permission.

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

I could go on at length about how Facebook and other technological advances have created an unrealistic expectation of maintaining friendships who's natural course has already been run...but I'll just say I love you, and I'm glad to read your posts. :)