The problems with sharing deep emotional angst in a public way:
1. You end up painting yourself into a corner. See, you do not need advice (necessarily), but your comments are automatically construed as one who needs advice. So it comes. In droves. And in order to maintain peace and love and friendship, you feel as if you must remain silent and take it, although the inside of your head is screaming "I know! I know! I know! I'm not stupid, I'm just commenting on my current feelings! Can't I comment on my current feelings? Why is that wrong?!" Well, maybe not screaming, but you get the picture.
The worst part of it all is knowing that if you complain about people caring about you, then they will stop caring --either out of offense or spite. And why would you want them to stop caring? So, you deal with the frustration of being seen as an idiot, all the while wishing you could somehow explain yourself more clearly without insulting those who take the time to care. So there you are. In the corner.
2. People who are reading your thoughts and comments for the first or third time don't realize that you've been through it before and have written about it in the past. And therefore, they believe that you haven't learned anything, yet, even though you have learned plenty o' stuff. This happens a lot in blogs, but also in other social-forum-places-that-makes-one-think-of-books-with-faces. But again, you don't want to insult or make them feel bad, because they are only sharing out of the goodness of their said hearts. And this is fine! But it's hard when your head is screaming (again) that you know these things --you are just expressing your frustration at your frustration because the frustrating frustrations will always be there. And will continue to be frustrating. Because this is mortality. Life is hard. And a tad frustrating.
There's that painted corner again....
But hey! Let's talk about something less frustrating! Here's some stuff:
- Alison Wonderland and I have struck up a deal: 20 minutes of exercise 4 days a week. Now, why did I tell you? Because now I don't only have to answer to her --I have to answer to all of you people, too (all 54 of ya'! Or more. I mean, I'm assuming there's only 54 since there were 54 comments on my last post... wink, wink, nudge, nudge... mom!). But since I didn't ask Alison if I could post about it, she does not have to answer to all of you. Just me. Unless she really wants to answer to more than me. Hmmm...
- I love Autumn. It's gorgeous and yummy.
- I am reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families and I am in love with it. Love, love, love. I also loved The Anatomy of Peace. Such good stuff!
- Although I haven't showered yet, today, I have done some laundry, nursed the baby 3 times, changed 4 diapers, got two kids ready for the day while supervising the other three, called the school to explain #2's school absence (flu is in our home), made 2 meals (okay, one was cold cereal), raked some leaves, supervised some play time, wrote 2 blog posts for work, chatted on Facebook, did the dishes, swept the floor, practiced the piano (for choir), listened to my first-grader read, snuck some Halloween candy, found #4's toys, replied to a few emails (only 500 to go), read a chapter in the 7 Habits book, picked up some garbage, checked on the kids, and wrote this blog post.
- Although Brandon did not go to Germany, it turns out that he needs to be "available" during the work-hours in Germany. This means he's up at 2AM. Needless to say he is now sleeping (it's 3PM) and we are both wondering: "Wouldn't going to Germany have been easier?!"
- In full disclosure, I have to tell you that I'm so excited about The Biggest Loser (holy cow, can you believe they sent home Coach Mo last week and not Tracey!?!?) and The Amazing Race. They both make me want to fulfill my life-long dreams of traveling the world and hiring a personal trainer. At the same time. Just kidding. Okay, not really kidding.
That is all. For now. And maybe later. But not later-later...