Thursday, December 11, 2008

Back to the Fight

I doubt I will ever get over the amount of love and friendship that comes my way every single time I implode. Almost immediately. It's overwhelming at times, and I honestly can't help but feel unworthy of it all. I really do. But I know this confession will make a lot of you mad (since you told me I'm totally worthy! And inside, I know I am), so instead I will say thank you.
Thank you to those who left their kind words in comments (Janelle? You rock.)
Thank you to those who emailed me with great advice and stories of their own experiences.
Thank you to friends for long phone calls and letting me vent.
Thank you to Michelle W. who came over, lent me the best book (I'm already 50 pages into it), talked to me, watched my kids, and gave me a hug.
Thank you to Cristy for stopping me at preschool drop-off this morning to see how I was really doing.
Thank you to Brandon for being so supportive of my desire to get better.
Thank you for your amazing posts. The following posts have given me the best perspective today:
m&m's post talks about Motherhood and how it's not supposed to be easy.
Christine's post reminds us to not get angry but see others with compassion (which is what the book is talking about!).
Michelle's post gives me hope because I know of the harsh battles she has fought and won (and is still fighting), and if she can be optimistic in the face of it all, I know I can, too.
Christy's post reminds me to turn to Christ when I'm faced with my trials; we're all hurting, and He can heal us all.
And last of all, thank you for your advice on finding a therapist. Thank you for your referrals, too. Because of a conversation with MotWB on Tuesday and advice from Amber yesterday, I finally set up a time to meet with a therapist.
I'm going to see her on Wednesday.
And there we go; from dark to dawn, from despair to joy.
Ha!
Yeah, yeah. So not really. I'm not stupid enough to believe the switch can flip that quick (and trust you me, it hasn't), but I'm still fighting. Maybe that's what this post is about. I felt lower than low yesterday, but today I'm back in the saddle, fighting my guts out. I guess days like yesterday (my yesterdays?) happen because I just get sick of fighting. But the breaks I take from fighting suck worse than the fighting itself...
Figures.

7 comments:

Annette Lyon said...

Way to go. What a great support system you have.

Depression sucks rocks. I know all too well from personal experience and from being close to those with depressions. Icky, icky, icky.

The fact that you're fighting and AWARE says volumes.

Michelle Walker said...

Cheryl,

YOU are amazing. You must be a pretty amazing person, with amazing things the Lord needs you to accomplish in this life. Sometimes our trials come from the Lord and sometimes they come from Satan. I don't know which is which all the time, but I DO KNOW that the Lord has the power to be aware of you with the kind of undivided attention of any good loving parent--I don't know how. I know, like any parent who is worried about their child, He is providing a way for you to be blessed and to receive help.

I have asked Randy many times for blessings of comfort, that come just from him. It can be encouraging to hear the words that H.F. has for you right now.

You are brave, you are talented, you are a great mother.

Things are going to get better.

JustRandi said...

I'm so glad your feeling better today. Hooray for a great support system, but real and "imaginary" (that's us whom you've never met).

Good for you Cheryl, for hanging in there. Some days that is the hardest part, just hanging on till it gets better.

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

Keep on fightin' the good fight. It's worth it, and so are you. :)

Michelle said...

love you Cheryl. now that you're feeling a bit better, how 'bout turning these posts into an essay for the Segullah essay contest? You write with such beautiful honesty. xoxo, m

Cristy said...

You're awesome Cheryl. Hang in there and keep working, and smiling!

Cheryl said...

Love you, guys. <3

And Michelle L.? I already read a winning essay at Segullah that was all about depression. I think I'm afraid it's already been done, so my chances are slimmer than slim. But maybe I'll pound something out. We'll see. :)