Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make sense to be blogging since I'm supposedly "taking a break."
But see, I meant I was taking a break from "reading" blogs and "commenting" on blogs and even "opening my google reader."
And, yes, I wasn't going to post anything. But gosh darn it, people! I can't believe how many phone calls, emails, comments, and IM's I received today after I posted about taking a break. It was insane! Everyone asking me if I was okay, everyone wondering why I was taking a break, everyone thinking something must be wrong or else why would I be stepping away from the computer?! (You people know me too well, I've decided.)
So, yes. You were all correct. I'm really not doing okay; I had many reasons to stop for a while. Dang, you guys are perceptive!
And I love it.
I absolutely love that you guys care about this crazy blog o' mine. You care about me as a person and as a writer and that gives me the warm fuzzies all over. I would be lying if I said I was annoyed with all the attention I got today. Some of it was inconvenient (and I'll tell you why in a minute), but it was well-received. Thank you for caring. It means the world to me.
But, to let some of you rest, I'll go ahead and tell you why I'm taking a break from reading/commenting/writing blogs for a little bit. In all honesty, I don't have to explain it to anyone. I know that. I know I could just take a break whenever I want to without explanation; but since you have all expressed such concern, I feel responsible. So, here are my reasons, in no particular order:
*I'm writing a novel. Remember? For NaNoWriMo? I don't even have 10,000 words, yet! I need to get crackin'! And this is why it was inconvenient to be interrupted today --I was working on the next great American Masterpiece. My favorite part is that I'm actually really enjoying what I'm writing. I can't wait to see how it turns out! Maybe it will be coherent one day...
*Brandon is gone on business again. He's in London and will be there until Friday. This morning he sent me pictures of what he's seen, and when I saw Big Ben, The House of Commons, Hyde Park, Buckingham Palace, The Thames, etc. I started bawling my eyes out. Literally bawling. For those of you who know me, you know the extreme bawling is warranted because if I could choose to go to any country anywhere in the entire world, I would choose England. It pulls me like no other place does and I'm not sure if it's because of my affinity to Jane Austen or my Family Heritage, but it's probably both. So, yes, I'm sad. Sad that my husband is there while I am here. I miss him, but I miss the opportunity more.
*I'm trying not to be sad and upset about not being pregnant again, but gosh darn it! I want a baby.
*I spent a fabulous weekend with Mother of the Wild Boys. A session in the SLC Temple, lunch at The Garden, having her in my home, enjoying four hours straight of awesome conversation that could have lasted weeks, and realizing again how grateful we were to have found each other via blogging made for a great time. I had a conversation with another one of Mother's friends while we were eating at The Garden Restaurant. She made me realize that although blogging is a good thing, it's not worth it if the children get ignored. Dear reader, this is how it usually plays out for me: I'm on the computer. The kids whine/cry/get hurt/need me. I reluctantly put the laptop down and meet their needs. I get back on the computer. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I can't do this to my kids anymore, so I've got to figure out a routine and schedule where I can be a good mother to them again. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, but I have to!
*Holy crap, I need to finish Brisingr! I'm enjoying it, but it's so long! That Paolini is wordy...
*I'm tired of the Proposition 8 stuff.
I'm tired of reading about the Protests.
I'm tired of re-hashing reasons why I don't believe in SSM.
I'm tired of seeing my friends having their homes vandalized in the name of "Equal Rights" just because they voted the way they wanted to vote in a Free Country.
I'm tired of hearing ignorant things some Mormons are saying about those who are protesting.
I'm tired of trying to convince people that we can disagree completely on a subject and still have love and respect, like my SIL and I do (and proved last night with a 2 hour internet conversation where we disagreed over and over and still showed love and respect and now --I daresay--love each other more).
I'm tired of the hate.
I'm tired of many self-righteous community blogs telling the rest of us how to react.
I'm tired of wolves in sheep's clothing.
I'm tired of thinking about it so much.
I'm tired that this isn't going away. Because it won't. It will remain until something gives, and this realization makes me more tired.
But I am grateful and happy about one thing: The Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us to have hope, show love, and be grateful, and not just when things are easy, but especially when things are hard. I may be tired, dear reader, but I know I won't stop having hope, love, and gratitude. The Protests and Hate may rage (inside and outside of the Church, and inside and outside of my heart), but I will not let it stop me from loving and hoping and thanking God every day for this knowledge.
*Sometimes we just need to take a break to clear our heads.
Good reasons? Yes? Maybe or maybe not, but they're mine, so I'm stickin' to 'em.
I sure love ya', dear reader. You make blogging worthwhile and blogging breaks nearly impossible! I'll see you around...