Sunday, October 26, 2008

My Husband Has Left Me...

...for China.
He claims he'll be back in 8 days, but that doesn't reduce my stress. Or loneliness. Or anxiety that he's being safe. Granted, he's only there for business and some on-the-side-sight-seeing, so it's not as if he'll be crossing the border into Nepal or stealing a boat to spy on North Korea. But what if he gets hit by a car? Or his plane crashes? Or he's mugged and beaten? Or what if he's seduced by the lifestyle and decides not to come home?!?
(What is the lifestyle like in China? I wonder...)
Anyway, I miss him. He's not even there, yet! and I still miss him. He left bright and early this morning, and so all by myself I got the 4 kiddos ready for church. Wait a minute. I always get the kiddos ready for church by myself! (He has meetings on Sunday mornings.) Anyway, we arrived on time (that's not some feat, just fyi. We are always on time. I would blow a freakin' gasket if we weren't always on time! I will literally wake up an hour early to ensure we arrive on time because yes! It's that important to me) and I sat down in a pew with #4 as the 3 oldest took their places on the stand. It was the Primary Children's Sacrament Meeting Program, and their father missed it. Again! Yeah, I think he missed it last year too, due to sickness. And maybe even the year before. We're not sure. The point, however, is that he missed it. He will also miss a BYU football game (but luckily it's an away game) and Halloween this week.
Sigh.
But it's okay. This trip is important (business-wise) and it's exciting! Neither of us have been to China before, and I'm expecting cool gifts for knock-out prices. Or a trinket. Whichever.

The irony here about this whole travel thing is that Brandon promised me something when we first married: "I will never do business travel if you can't come with me."
Oh, the ignorance! The foolishness!
(I wrote about newlywed ignorance and foolishness here.)
Brandon has traveled many places for business since we've married, and I have rarely gone with him. There have been several trips as a reward for business, and I most definitely accompanied him on those! But business for business? No way, no how.
That's just business. And life.
I've adjusted to the life, too. Sometimes, it's nice when he leaves because then I can finish a book or two or watch my favorite TV show without having to compromise. Other times it's nice not having to worry about dinner; the kids exult in multiple chicken nugget dinners! Before he leaves we have lovely dates and fun family outings; when he comes home, there is joy all around and he knows how much he is loved.
So, I've adjusted. Travel is okay, it's not too burdensome. I mean, he's not a soldier like my brother. I don't have to adjust to living a year without him. It's only a few days here, a week or so there. My adjustment is cake. I've done it. I do it. I'll keep doing it.
But I'll always miss him when he's gone.

Does your spouse travel? If so, how often? Is it hard for you? Have you adjusted?

18 comments:

Julie P said...

Nathan used to travel pretty frequently, compared to most husbands - about 6-8 days a month when we first moved here. It has gotten cut back dramatically, which I thought would be fabulous, but I really adjusted well and learned how to deal. The first couple months were a bit challenging, that's for sure!

Cardalls said...

i too am an on-time freak especially for church! one of my biggest pet peeves about others is lateness (i need to get over it yes I know.)

flip flop mama said...

I hate being late for church too.

Mine doesn't travel but I rarely see him. He may as well travel with the school schedule he's had for the last couple years. Luckily that's coming to an end after the end of the year so hopefully I'll have a husband to cook dinner for more often. Isn't it funny how if our husband is gone we don't feel like "really" cooking?

Rachel and Nathan Fisher said...

My husband typically travels 4 days a week. When it is overseas he usually goes for 11 days (but that is not very frequent). We knew that would be our lifestyle when he got into consulting, so I didn't have any unmet expectations and the lifestyle has its perks (loads of frequent flyer miles and hotel points, per diems, Fridays at home, working at home when not traveling, etc.). We really like it, and it totally works for our fmaily right now (it will be harder when the kids are older, so he doesn't plan to consult forever). Lately he has actually been doing work for a local client (in downtown Boston) and we are really not liking it - long commute, has to go in Fridays, etc. It sounds odd, because the kids and I LOVE him being home, but we want him to start traveling again - we will see him more then!
Anyway, I totally agree with everything you said about the ups and downs of the hubby being gone - and I spent a year being the one who traveled alot for work and that has its ups and downs too.

bythelbs said...

Yes.

Too often.

Sometimes.

For the most part.

Rebekah said...

No, my husband does not travel. He promised me that he will never do business travel if I can't go with him. :) haha! Oh, that's funny. The ridiculous things I demand! I'm just waiting for the day he goes to China without me! But, dang girl! I would have fought tooth-and-nail to go on this business trip! But, beautiful jewelry is very cheap in china...especially gorgeous pearls! ;)

Summer said...

I would have a hard time sending my husband that far away to a place so different. I hope he travels safely.

Richelle said...

My hubby doesn't have to travel too often, luckily. I have gone with him a couple of times that he has gone places, though.
Hope you survive the week with out your hubby!

Amanda D said...

When my youngest was six weeks old, my husband left to China for two weeks. It was rough! He did bring back some pretty jewelery, and mini soldiers and a couple beautiful Chinese dresses for my daughter.

Now, he doesn't travel much and when he does, I don't mind. Usually. I kind of enjoy a night of doing what I want.

I hope Brandon has a safe trip, I hope he gets to see some neat things and I hope your week goes very well. :)

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

My husband doesn't travel. At. All. And he's married to a former flight attendant who LOVES traveling. But I find my chances to get away to visit family or friends here and there.

I REALLY want to do a summer semester abroad before I graduate. The upside of having a travel-hating hubby is that he's more than happy to stay home with the kiddos while I'm off on adventures. :)

Weatherspoon Family of 6 said...

No travel at all an occasional class here and there... I can always go with him if I want... Last month I said go I don't want... Then he went to Vegas I said OK I want... So Not to bad of a thing...
I had our primary program today too... went off with out too much of a hitch... I like to be on time but when you have to drive 15 min to church sometimes it just happens...

heather said...

I LOVE your newly wed post. :) LOVE it. Life NEVER goes as planned. Ever. Its kinda what makes it fun, huh.

But you really wanted 10 kids? And six of them to be boys? Wow, I give you points for ambition. I'm thinking TWO is a good number. ;) Maybe three.

cornnut32 said...

i'm so glad my husband doesn't have to travel for his job. my dad traveled a lot growing up (and still does, in fact). i remember once when i was in 3rd grade he was gone for three months--got back just before thanksgiving. he spent three months in a missile silo in missouri, poor guy. then when i was in high school he was gone roughly two weeks out of every five. it was hard as a kid and i know my mom really struggled with it.

time will pass faster than you think, and when he gets back you'll be so happy it will be worth it. :)

Leslie said...

I remember a time when we both "vowed" that we'd never travel without each other...Why do we make such stupid "promises"? My husband doesn't have to travel too often for business. I don't like it...I am totally feeling ya!

Alison Wonderland said...

Sean doesn't travel for work ever. In fact we've only spent maybe five nights apart (aside from night shifts which we do all the time) in the 10 years we've been married. I'm not sure how I'd feel about it. Maybe night shifts are the best of both worlds. I get night when I can watch what I want and have the whole bed to myself but he's not really gone.

Emily & Co. said...

I'm always late for church...still working on that one. And I always miss my hubby when he's gone...and even when he's not but has to work long hours (that's a lot)...I feel like we're overdue for a "getaway" which is funny since we went to Napa just the two of us about 6 months ago...but they've been pretty crazy 6 months! I love how much I miss him, though...it reminds me how much I love him and that we must be doing something right!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

In my mind, the debate is still out about what's worse, the husband who travels or the husband who doesn't but isn't available. Mine works full-time, does law school at night, and then comes home to study until the wee hours of the morning. It's good to see him and know that if there were an emergency, he would be available, but it's still pretty lonely sometimes.

And we lived in China together the first summer after we were married. It was a fun adventure. I wouldn't worry much about his safety, but he'll have to be careful what he eats. We still shudder when we think of some of the things we ingested in China.

I think that whole travel together pledge could have been possible except that we never understand how much children throw a wrench in those kinds of plans. It's okay... there's always retirement, right?

Moddy said...

I'm so impressed that you can get yourself and 4 kids to church on time. That is a dream of mine. My husband has a funny travel schedule. He'll go for months with nothing and then all of a sudden he'll have 4 or 5 trips within a 6 to 7 weeks time frame. Though most of his trips are for a day or two, there are times that he'll be gone for more than a week. And I've found that if it's just overnight I don't mind it, I can get caught up on my tv shows that I have recorded. But when it stretchs out to a week or more, I dread it. I try to come up with lots of fun things to do with the kids to get both our minds off him being gone.