Thursday, April 19, 2007

Give me some lovin', people!

This post is going to be long. But bear with me, because I need (and WANT!) some feedback on all kinds of things...

Stuff #1:
I finally did it. I managed to get some self control, and therefore, I have lost 2 pounds. It took about 7 weeks before I could muster up enough strength to conquer my fear of starting. It's amazing to me how easy it is to exercise and eat right when we find ourselves in the midst of it. But to begin? That's the hardest part. It really, honestly, no-doubt-about-it is the hardest part. After weeks of binging on snacks, refusing to schedule in exercising time, I have finally done it. And it only took 6 factors (six! Freak! That's pathetic. It should have taken one...):
  1. DH and I have joined a contest online; a "biggest loser" if you will with some BYU enthusiasts.
  2. DH is being awesome about buying food that is good for us. This helps, because if bad food is in the house, I will eat it. If it's not, I won't.
  3. This post. I typed up the words and put it up to see each day. It's a very real and almost tangible motivator
  4. Getting sick and vegging in front of the TV taught me that I want to look --again --the way I should. I do not want my fatness to define or limit who I am or what I can do. I need to be healthy, which brings me to number...
  5. My PVC's are coming back. My asthma isn't doing so well. I need to fix this. I want to live for a long time. I want to be able to play with my children. I want to be HEALTHY. And finally, number...
  6. Josh Groban. Not kidding. His song "You are Loved" is probably the biggest factor for me right now. I had to listen to it 100 millions times, put the lyrics on my cupboard where I can see it everyday, and listen to it at least once a day. Here are the words:

Don't give up; It's just he weight of the world; When your heart's heavy I, I will lift it for you; Don't give up; Because you want to be heard; If silence keeps you I, I will break it for you; Everybody wants to be understood; Well I can hear you; Everybody wants to be loved; Don't give up; Because you are loved;

Don't give up; It's just the hurt that you hide; When you're lost inside I, I'll be there to find you; Don't give up; Because you want to burn bright; If darkness blinds you I, I will shine to guide you; Everybody wants to be understood; Well I can hear you; Everybody wants to be loved; Don't give up; Because you are loved...

This song is amazing. It resonates everything that I need. It fits my struggles with weight loss. It fits my struggles with being accepted. It fits my struggles with loving myself. It fits each prayer, because the words are like an answer to a prayer. I can almost hear God telling me He loves me. And then, in the next moment, it's my husband's voice. Or my child's. Or my friend's. This song just fits and helps in all the right ways. How does it make you feel? Is this a universal feeling? (I'm assuming it is...) Do you feel better just imagining someone telling you these words?

Stuff #2: There has been much-to-do over at FMH the last few days discussing misogyny and benevolent sexism. I won't get into the debate here, but I figured some things out for myself as far as my "feminism" goes. Maybe I'll save that for another post...

Stuff #3: Regally Blonde's post got me thinking about the crap in this world. We've got the recent Virginia Tech shooting, Provo High School had a bomb threat yesterday, and today, a middle school in the Bay Area had a bomb threat. Then there's the Imus thing, all those actors (Mel Gibson, Michael Richardson, etc) spewing hateful racist things as well, and let's see...anything good on YouTube? This world just keeps getting worse. It makes me want to hide my children, even though I know it won't work. But I'm sick and tired of the crap out there being spouted off and excused in the name of the First Amendment, difference in taste, and "it was just a joke." I guarantee that no mother, no matter how liberal, does not want her child to be a victim or a perpetrator in any of it. Any of it! "It" being pornography, racism, murder, etc.

Stuff #4:
I found I have no social skills. My foot does not taste good.

Stuff #5:

Kites are fun! Taking the kids to the park on a whim to fly one is even more fun.


kanga5 said...

#1- I must commend you for getting on the wagon so fast. You have been through a lot in the past couple of months! I do remember how much I want to shed the "baby" weight as soon as I can start. Don't get down on yourself if you have times when you are not losing- just that you are up and doing things is AWESOME!!
#2 Honestly I saw the topic in FMH and I didn't read it. Too deep for where I'm at right now. :)
#3 I'm sorry you are struggling with social things. My SIL just moved to Hawaii a few months ago. She was really struggling and has had to remind herself that each move (they are Navy) it takes her about 6 months to feel at home. I don't mean that to be discouraging at all- just remember that you will feel at home- soon. :)
#4 Thanks for the quick referal to MMW- That post was SO funny!!

Cheryl said...

I like the idea to give myself time to adjust. Thanks! I often tell myself that I'm fine --emotionally, I'm cool with everything --but then I realize that this move has been harder on me than I really am admitting. Having only lived in 2 different cities my entire life has not prepared me for how I would feel with this move...~sigh~ It just takes time. And it's all good. I'm adjusting better than I thought I would! :)